Parenting Voice

Last night, my daughter wanted me to bring my pillow up into her room and lay down next to her bed.  It was 7:30 and I still had to make dinner.  “I have a few things to do,” I said to her.  “You will be fine.”  And I gave her a kiss, tucked her in again, and left the room.  She fell asleep within seconds.  If I did get my pillow and lay down next to her, the process would probably take an hour.  She would keep checking that I was there and not fall asleep, and if I left too early; she would cry.  I know because it has happened.  I’ve learned my lesson.  It would actually hinder the bedtime process.  Nobody would be better off for it.  It’s one thing to do these things when they are sick or really having a hard time.  It is quite another to do it because they want you to.  And this is the age where they test the limits and see how far you will go.  I’m pretty firm so she doesn’t get far with me.  That is what she has grandparents for….        

But, it doesn’t mean it is easy.  We have constant mini battles.  She wants cinnamon toast crunch for lunch.  She wants to watch ‘one more show.’  She doesn’t want to get her shoes on.  She doesn’t want to go outside and then she doesn’t want to come in.  One more book before bed.  She doesn’t want to brush her teeth…etc.  Sometimes, I don’t even like to hear my voice anymore.  I constantly have to stop her in her tracks.   Be firm.  Say no.  But, I am tired of the way my voice sounds when I am being firm and saying no. It sounds grumpy.  I feel like I’m growing a permanent line between my eyebrows.  The other day she asked me if I was mad and I said no.  She looked at my forehead and said, “Why is your forehead mad?”  Yikes?!  I didn’t even know I was furrowing my brow.  Got to stop that!  So, my voice doesn’t sound sweet or fun, but I guess it delivers and it seems to be working.  She definitely respects me and listens to me.  But, that doesn’t mean she will not continue to test me and those limits.  And the thing is, she is such a great girl; an easy toddler.  I could not imagine if she really gave me trouble.  This is just normal kid stuff. 

The thing is; as I raise my daughter, I am also raising myself as a parent.  I am finding my voice.  It is easy with the babies.  You feed them, play, they nap, tickle, smiles, bedtime.  But, as they get older…that is where parenting really takes shape and form.  And, it is so important.  I am realizing that I cannot be too tough or too easy.  Too much of one thing is never a good thing.  So, when I am being really tough, I try to take a deep breath and soften.  I always heard this one, “choose your battles.”  And, I try.  Sometimes I’ll let her watch that extra show.  Sometimes I’ll relent and let her stay outside for 20 more minutes even though I have things to do inside.  But, other times, I’ll stand firm in my stance and let her deal with not getting what she wants all the time.  She will stomp her feet a few times and then come in.  Hopefully these things will help shape her into a well-behaved child.  I hope so.  There is no rule book when it comes to discipline.  Well, there is, but I just don’t have time to read it.    

In the end, when it comes to parenting, everyone has to do what feels right to them.  So, I do what feels right to me.  I guess you have to take it situation by situation; knowing where to draw that line and where to let it go.  I’ve made some mistakes, but I’ve made some good choices too.  It is definitely a learning process.   And, as my ladies continue to grow and evolve; so will my parenting voice.