I was in Starbucks the other day holding my 1 year old. An older man, probably in his early 70’s
commented on how cute she was. He went
on to ask me if she was my first. I told
him it was actually my second. (My 3
year old was home with grandma). He
responded, “I had 3,” and rolled his eyes.
I said, “How was that?” He made
me laugh when he said, “By the 3rd one, you forget about them and
just leave them everywhere.” I left the
store giggling to myself.
But, it got me thinking….
Clearly he was joking but it led me to question; is the
shock over by the 3rd? So, I
went on a hunt. I’ve been talking to
other moms and dads about what they think the biggest shock was to them. Was it the shock of their first brand
spanking new baby? What?? I’m in charge of THIS!!!! HOW? Or, is it when
the 3rd one arrives?! “Two of
us. 3 of them. Do the math.
After talking, asking, and wondering, I have come to these semi-conclusions
0-1
It is a lifestyle shock.
Your entire life will now completely change (if you are a good parent at
least). It isn’t feasible to do late
nights out, multiple times a week. If
you do, you feel like complete crap when you have to wake up at 5 in the morning
or earlier, or even a couple of times at night.
Sleep deprivation is big. Those people,
who used to be able to sleep until 10 am on the weekends, now have to get used
to the “new”morning.
Rise and shine Mommy and Daddy, baby is awake and needs a bottle, a
diaper change, and entertainment. I hope
you aren’t hung-over.
Not only do you have to get used to a lifestyle change, you
have to get used to the idea of being selfless.
You can’t go from here to there to here and there again. Well, you can but make sure to have a strong
arm to hold that heavy carrier seat. And
make sure to have a bottle, burp clothes, snacks as they grow, and some
toys…maybe a blanket to lay down on the floor, a binky, a sweatshirt in case it
gets cold, extra diapers and wipes, a change of clothes in case they spew on
themselves, ETC, ETC, ETC.
You are a family now.
Your baby is your TOP PRIORITY! Soooooo….get
ready to WORRY about this top priority.
New parents reach a whole new level of anxiety.
Are they sleeping too long?
Check their breathing.
WHY DID SHE JUST SPIT UP SO MUCH? Is she sick?
Should I Google why my baby is not rolling over yet at 3
months??!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Finding time for yourself gets easier as the baby gets
older, but when that baby is born (and through that first couple of months),
get ready to have some shaggy hair, tired eyes, and a baby in your arms at most
times. AND…get ready to rely heavily on
HELP---any way you can get it. 1 baby…Welcome
to parenthood!
Shock Value-7
1-2
Divide and conquer?! ---OR,
get ready for them to conquer you!!! Haha! When my second daughter was born, I headed
straight to the doctor within the first 2 weeks because I couldn’t catch my
breath. “Are you overwhelmed?” the
doctor asked me. “No,” I responded. “I’ve done this before.” “You’ve had 2 children before??” Ummmmm….no.
Am I in for it? Is this anxiety? Am I in shock?
With 2, you must divide your time, energy and
responsibility. At first, it is
extremely overwhelming. You have late
nights again with the baby and then managing your bundle of energy toddler
during the day??! Wait…when do I put
down my screaming infant to tend to my screaming toddler??? If it was a
weighted scale, it would be hovering on even.
At that point, you just have to juggle it. You have to figure it out. That attention that overflowed with 1 gets
cut in half with 2. “Me” time also gets cut in half. When you had one and he or she slept, you
were good. You had time to unwind. It was nice.
Ahhhh, we would lay on the couch on a Sunday afternoon and drift off
watching football. With 2, one is always
up and in need of your attention. Now
you have 2 meals at a time, 2 butts to wash, 2 bed time routines, 2 babies to
keep happy; double the work. Double as hard. When talking to other moms, I have found that
1-2 is the Biggest Shock of all. All
of the sudden, one seems like a breeeeezzzzeee!
Remember when?!
Shock Value-8.5
2-3
Numb to the chaos.
I was at the park last week and a random grandmother was
there with her grandson. We started talking
and she asked me if I was going to “go for the boy.” I’ve probably heard that 40,000 times. But, I don’t mind much. It doesn’t really bother me. “If I did, I know I would get a girl,” I said
honestly and with a smile.
“3 is a big decision,” she responded. “You have to think about the expense of
children.”
Uh huh. (Nodding my
head). Gotcha. As if I didn’t know that random grandma
stranger. Thanks for the tip.
Drawbacks of 3: It is harder to get someone to watch your 3
kids. People are less likely to want to
babysit with 3 versus 1 and 2. (So I’ve
heard)
I don’t have the experience of going from 2-3 but I have
talked to a lot of moms who have. They
found it to be manageable. Even my
mother-in-law said that having the third wasn’t as hard. You are already knee deep in. I hear that with the third, you can enjoy the
baby; relish in those coos. You’ve done
it all so you aren’t nervous anymore. Do
you still need to check their breathing when they are sleeping? Not unless you are really a nervous Nelly! By the 3rd, you know they will be
fine. You’ve got it. By the third, you can sit back and enjoy…as
I’ve heard. Doesn’t sound so bad? But, it isn’t for everyone because you have
to be ready to really be spread thin and time to yourself seems to be of the
essence. But, they play together nicely
and you can sit back and watch your lovely family enjoy each other!
Shock Value-4
For me, the shock of 1-2 was definitely harder than
0-1. Juggling the time and attention is something
I take seriously. I don’t want anyone to
feel slighted. I hope they will grow up without comparisons and with the feeling of being equally loved
and cherished. It was a shock for me but one that gets
easier as they grow and as time marches on …
So, what was your
biggest shock with expanding your family?
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