Day 40

It is so easy to get lost in the details of life.  It is so easy to have one bad day after another and give in to them.  It is so easy to lose patience with a crying 3 year old girl.  It is so easy.  What is hard is staying in the moment, seeing the good in the bad days, and keeping your patience.  I know I’ve made bad decisions and given in to my temper.  I know I've let bad days become worse.  I feel like it is because sometimes the day after day after day after day…is hard. 

At first my husband didn’t get it.  He is here on the weekends and can keep his patience easily.  Of course, he has 2 days of it.  Day 2, I’ve got my patience intact as well.  I’ve got a smile on my face and I’m ready to trudge through the tall trees and dark clouds in search of light.  I’m ready on day 2.  Aren’t we all??!!  Day 2, we’ve got down everyone.  But day 40, or 80, or 120…those are the hard days.  When there is no relief in between...  

“Noreen,” he would say on day 2 of a weekend,“relax….” 

Wait, I don’t judge him for judging me though.  Not at all.  But, I wanted to get through to him.  How could I make him understand that it isn’t easy to “relax” sometimes when I’ve been doing it over and over again and hearing the long and loud cries over and over again about nothing?  Hmmmmm…

And I know what he is thinking.  He is thinking, “It isn’t that hard to relax and distract, and then everything will be ok again.  What’s hard about that,” he thinks as he holds up a horse and says, “NAAAYYY!”  But, when our daughter wakes up every morning crying in her bed because her toe itches, “NAAAYYY,” doesn’t work for me.  Nope.  Not for me.  I’m not going to go in the room and hold up a horse.  I’m going to lose my temper.  Yup.  That works for me.

So, I thought about how I could describe to him where I’m coming from.  And so I finally said something that struck a chord with him.  “No,” I said, “it isn’t hard on day 2, but it is hard on day 40.”  Think about it.  When we are fresh, we are better parents and people.  When we are broken down, we are not.  On day 2, we are fresh.  We have been revived in some way at work or on the train, away from it all.  But, on day 40, we are broken down.  Morning after morning of crying isn’t so fun anymore.  We aren’t revived.  So I said to him, “Picture the same morning on day 40, and how would you feel?”  “It would be hard,” he responded.  If I was doing this every day, I would probably lose it on day 40 as well.”

 

Ba Dum Dum….CHA!

 Thank you!!!!

 So now, I can call him at work and say, “She just cried for an hour because I didn’t buy her an ugly dinosaur at the bookstore,” and he will say, “I’m sorry Nor.”  Or, he will understand when he sees my face boiling on a Saturday afternoon.  He will sweep in with his freshness and solve the riddle or problem for the moment as to why she is crying.  Usually, it is something ridiculous.  Her toe itches, her headband isn’t on straight.  The blanket won’t go on the doll the right way.  What have you?!!

But now, we can work on a team because he gets it.  And even though it is hard, I’m grateful for someone who can at least see where I’m coming from and listen to me vent.  And I’m thankful he can love me, even on my bad moments.  And I know, everyone will benefit from the happy ones (me included).  And, I’m praying he can see my strength when I overcome my weaknesses. 

Tell your husband’s about Day 40.  Maybe then they will understand how you may feel today.

Keep Trudging on my friends, and thanks for listening.

Short and Sweet

I’m thankful…

*For my health and the health of my family.  It is everything.

*For my 3 year old daughter who just said that she has “so much love in her heart.”  And that she “is in love with her family.”  Even though she is testing the limits, she is also lovely in a way that can make me forget it.

*For my 1 year old who I will find figuratively running with scissors if left alone for a millisecond.  She keeps me on my toes in a way that will always keep me vigilant.  That is a good thing, I’m sure.   (Except when she is in high-school climbing out her window).

*For my hard days.  They are shaping me and I know I will find their lessons when I look back from a different place.  I will be grateful.  Right now though, I’m finding that wine helps.

*For being able to do a side braid with a wet head.  It actually fools people into thinking I might have had time.

*For the heartache and pain I have ever experienced in my life, it reminds me that I’ve lived.

*For those simple moments, where nobody cries.  Like yesterday, my girls handed me red and orange leaves for an hour.  We examined them and I put them in my pocket for safekeeping.  Those moments turn out to be the moments I know I will remember 10 years from now.

*For the days when I think I’m actually a good mom.

*For gel manicures.  What?  It doesn't chip for 2 weeks.  Brand. New. World.

*For my friends, old and new who are beautifully different and who possess all the colors and all the styles of life.  Who would I be without them?

*For the fact that my 3 year old is me. 

*For UGGS, you can kind of look stylish and be comfortable at the same time.  All winter long...

*For the moments I can sneak away.

*For the Heff of years ago, the Heff of yesterday, the Heff of today, and who he will be tomorrow. (Heff is my husband ;)—and he is amazing.

*For being able to find an outlet through writing.  For being able to be honest even if it means I don’t look good.  For having an open heart, something I’ve learned as the years have passed.

*For my house, my home, and the love inside.

*For you; for taking the time to read my thoughts and caring and maybe laughing and maybe crying and maybe thinking; for commenting; for giving it a thumbs up.  It keeps me going.  Thank you.

I’m lucky.  I’m grateful.  I’m thankful.  Happy Thanksgiving.  Eat up.  Forget about the carbs.

xoxo   

Noreen

Rat tat tat

When I started this blog, the first thing I wrote was the “about me” section.  I wrote it in 2 seconds flat.

I have 2 young girls and exactly 2 minutes to myself each day. 2 Hopes for my family: Happiness and Health. We are all learning and growing together. Making mistakes; learning from them; and moving on. Motherhood is a crazy ride...and it’s wonderful. But, I cannot help but know that I am meant for that and so much more...

All true.

Motherhood is a crazy ride.  It is wonderful.  I make a lot of mistakes.  I think I’m learning from them.  Health and happiness is most important.  Those 2 things have to stay in order.  Day to day, I know I can be better.  I know, I know.

But, that ending part, “and so much more…” is biting at my feet right now.  Just a little nibble, nothing to stop the presses for… but it is there and I kind of feel it.  Do you ever feel like that?  Like there could be so much more for you?  I say that because I literally just slipped on spilled milk.  I was on my way from the laundry room to the bedroom with a basket of clothes…kerplunk!

*****************************************************************************

Last night, my friend and I went to see the show, “So you think you can dance"

      

This sparked it.  As I watched these kids do something so well and feel so passionate about what they do, it made me a little sad.  I mean, I was happy to be out and watching it, but sometimes I feel like I’m watching everyone else “living.”  When your life becomes all about someone or something else, you sit there and watch other people living their life for them, and it makes you long for that feeling.  It isn’t like I thought I was going to be on stage front and center dancing with a mini skirt on. (I will say that the shorter their skirts the frumpier I felt).  But, I guess I just thought there could be something with a similar feeling.  A rat tat tat moment.  I know I am not 18 anymore; I guess we all have to grow up.  It can’t always be about me, can it?  If it is, are we doing something wrong?  It has to be about other people at some point.  Maybe that is growth?  Perhaps that is being a responsible adult?  Bah humbug.  We can still live.  We just have to find it in smaller ways.  We can rat tat tat in our houses, I just know it!

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It is sort of like facebook.  We sit here with our computers on our laps and ‘watch.’  What is everyone doing?  What best foot are they putting forward today?  Where did they check-in?  Are they having more fun than me?  Living more?  Because a lot of the time, I’m sitting here watching.  I’m watching reality television stars living more.  I’m watching twitter strangers having a blast.  I’m watching it all.  When is my chance?

I’m hoping this is a normal feeling.  I think it is.  Or, why would something like Facebook even be successful?  People would say, “I don’t have time to see what everyone else is doing.  I have things to do.”  People have the time to watch.  They make the time to watch.  But the question is, does it make us feel like less sometimes?  I think YES.  I think it is hard to watch others have a blast; drinks in hand, images of feet in front of the ocean, checking-in at the circus on a random Tuesday morning.  We see that and then look down at our computers, whether at work or at home; doing something we don’t want to be doing at that moment, and we think to ourselves, “Maybe I should be doing more”??  Sometimes.  Not always.  And not everyone.  I know that.  But me, yes definitely …I feel like that sometimes.

“Maybe I can be so much more”?? 

We can and we will.  I can and I will.  All in good time.  Maybe this can be the start of something more.  Maybe we can start living today.   But how?  I guess we can step outside our boxes today.  Try to start a new project at work.  Set up a playdate with a new friend.  Turn off the TV and the computers and just be.  Dance in the kitchen with your husband or wife.  Play hide and seek with your children.  Go to the circus on a Tuesday.  Live.  I’m going to try.  I’ll let you know how it goes.

Lights Out

A message to my Resilient ‘Growing Ladies,’

Dear C and K,

We went through a lot this week.  I’m hoping I was able to keep life as normal as possible despite the chaos and devastation that surrounded us.  I know you saw Mommy cry, but I trust you know it is because I was overcome with emotions from what everyone had to endure and I felt helpless.  I hope you understand how important it is to help others when something like this happens; to offer a hand, an ear, your heart or your prayers.  I’m praying you were able to see daddy and I donate our time and give to the less fortunate.  Actions speak louder than words and I expect you will act in the future if needed.  The word “Donate” should never be a foreign word to your ears; it should be familiar and ignite your hearts with faith.

I apologize for being short with you at times.  I was a little out of sorts, especially trying to keep us warm in a cold house and then being away from home for so long.  I apologize for that.  Maybe it was cold and dark at our house, but it was also warm in love.  Something to remember!

I know it was scary to see all the trees down and on top of our neighbors’ houses and driveways and front yards and it was a little scary to sleep in such a dark house.  But, at least we had each other.  And, at least we were able to stay with grandma and grandpa for almost a week.  They had a warm house and warm food and took good care of us.  I know you will not forget that.  I won’t either.

The images on the TV were also very frightening to see but it only showed us how much we need to help.  I’m sorry you had to see all that.  But I guess it is a part of life.  I cannot shield you from everything.  Yet, I think it is ok because you were able to see so much good through it all.  So, I hope you don’t remember the bad and scary things, I hope you remember the way we were all able to come together.  Images of the devastation brought me to tears, but so did the efforts of strangers trying to make a difference and/or aid in the effort. 

My darling girls,

I hope you remember how strangers will ban together in a time of need.  I hope you remember how fortunate we are to have a home, warmth, and lights. The simple things are never to be taken for granted.  I hope you remember neighbors knocking on the door to check in and calling me on the phone.  When the chips fall down, family and friends will pick you up.  I hope you remember that and carry it throughout your life, warm in your pocket.   For it always begins and ends with family.

Love,

Mom

****Hurricane Sandy devastated the east coast.  I have many friends who lost everything and others who lost alot.  I wanted to share relief efforts that are near and very dear to my heart.  I hope you can help so many who are in such need.

Rebuild the Jersey Shore

Collecting any and all donations at:

Simply Sun

635 Bay Ave #202-5

Toms River, NJ 08755

http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Rebuild-the-Jersey-Shore/219567404840890?fref=ts

Shades of Soho

 Glen Rock, NJ

For the remainder of this year they will be offering 10% off All of in-house products and services as well as 10% off any items on our website https://shadesofsoho.com/

During this time they will be donating 5% of all sales to Hurricane Sandy New Jersey Relief Fund. 

Megan Khichi photography

Hurricane Sandy Relief opportunity!!
To contribute to a Hurricane Sandy relief fund, purchase a print of this Seaside Heights photo (in color or B&W and varying sizes).
100% of profits will go to help victims of Hurricane Sandy in New Jersey

http://www.etsy.com/shop/megankhichiphoto

*For all of our Long Island Friends who were hit hard from the storm, you can send donations to:

St. Martins Outreach
ATTN: Keith Mainhart
37 Union Ave.
Amityville, NY 11701
Please note "HURRICANE RELIEF" in the memo area of all checks!rsey.

Visit link here, and please share!

http://www.etsy.com/shop/megankhichiphoto

The Glen Rock Newcomers and Neighbors

www.glenrocknewcomers.com

is collecting donations for the Rebuild Hoboken Relief Fund until November 15th.
You can find information about what we are collecting and drop off locations in Glen Rock and
Fair Lawn on the Glen Rock Newcomers and Neighbors website:

 

 

 

OH SANDY!

*I would ride the Jet Star as an 8-year-old girl.  The rickety old roller coaster, even at that time, was full of joy and suspense for my little self.

Jet Star

*My family would drive up on the beach of Island Beach State park, back in the pre-teen days.  We would grab sandwiches from Wa-Wa and have a picnic on the beach in the evenings.

*As a teenager, I would go to the Seaside Heights beach every summer with my friends.  Sheridan Ave baby!!  Tanning contests, beach chairs set up 12 in a row, and we would walk to the Sawmill to get a slice and a soda for like 2 bucks during long 8-hour beach days.

*After prom, we rented hotels in Seaside Heights close enough to smell the ocean air, which would hardly mask the smell of beer. J (Sorry Mom).

*In my 20’s, I worked at the Seaside boardwalk in the summers between college.  I would set up shop at a booth or roam the boardwalk/beach with my friend checking badges.  We would go on rides during off time.  Best job ever!

*JENKS-where we would dance away any problems and then have a slice after closing.

*At 23, after I got engaged, we went to the Surf Club to clink glasses and meet up with friends.

*My bridal shower was across the street from the beach in Point Pleasant.

*I spent most birthdays on the boardwalk of Point Pleasant, having dinner with my friends, drinking Blondies and then we would have one too many at Martell’s Tiki bar.

Before Snooki and the cast of Jersey Shore came to town, Seaside Heights wasn’t “big” or “Known” to the world.  We lived our lives and made our memories.  I grew up there.  It is my familiar place.  It is my heart.  No matter what anyone says, it is a wonderful, real place; a place that gave back to me tenfold in the form of fun, friendship, laughter and love.  To see it now...is to see a piece of my heart breaking.

Oh Sandy

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Last night my 3 year old daughter sat on top of the couch and sang “America the Beautiful” It was endearing and hilarious since she didn’t get all of the words right.  I made her sing it again. I needed a laugh.  Ample timing.  Sitting there, amidst all of the disaster and devastation the east coast has faced, particularly my home, that moment felt priceless.  Thank goodness these kids can stay innocent in their minds.  If I can, I need to shelter them from everything right now.  Even with no power, we are able to have sleepover parties in the dark, and have flashlight discos…at least we have our home.  At least we have sweatshirts and socks and hats and gloves.  What about the children and the people that don’t? 

Yesterday I stood in Target behind a family who lost everything.  The mother, with her 3 kids were trying to start a life anew, one piece of clothing at a time.  The 12-year-old daughter was holding a newborn baby who was in a onesie, without pants or socks or a blanket to keep warm.  The 12 year old was in her pajamas, wearing old beat up sneakers on her feet.  She started complaining and her mom took her by the shoulders and said, “We just lost everything.”  My heart broke.  Outside the store, I asked them if they would take an extra blanket from my car.  They refused.  I circled around the parking lot and gave them all the cash in my wallet.  They nodded and took it.  It was only $25 but something is better than nothing.  This is one story!  One!  There are thousands upon thousands of more like that.  We need to help these people.  If you are reading this and have a roof above your head and extra dollars in your pocket, help those who don’t.  Help those who have lost everything.

How do we help?  We open our pockets and hearts.  Nothing is small.  This is what is so wonderful about America.  This is what makes us beautiful.  Instead of spending $25 on Starbucks, buy a blanket and donate it.  Instead of putting away $50 this month, put away $20, and give the rest to the less fortunate.  This is what makes our country strong…different…. And now, as I look at pictures of the place where I grew up, where I created and hold on to all of my memories, my sadness is replaced with motivation.   

I’m not the only one.  I saw it in the volunteers at Toms River North HS, organizing and sorting donated clothing.  I saw it in the overflow of supplies and donations. I saw it in facebook posts urging people to help, collecting, organizing, donating, and shipping.  I see it everywhere. 

Toms River North Shelter, Toms River NJ

Today, I realized there is more kindness than not. There is more togetherness than not.  There is more support than not. There is more hope than not…

One act at a time, we can do it.  We can rebuild the Shore; the place where so many created so many priceless memories.

And so last night when I listened to my daughter sing, I understood the words more than ever…

“And crown thy good, with brotherhood

From sea to shining sea”