Reasons Why

Reasons why I love age 3.

Reason 1: This afternoon my 3 year old went on the potty and when she finished, she looked in the toilet and said, “Look at that little guy.  Hi, little guy...aren’t you so cute,” waving her little pointer finger at the poop.  When she flushed it away, she waved her hand and said, “Bye cutie pie.”   I mean??!!  I nearly peed my pants.  She can be so funny and cute and sweet.   Such a pleasure to be around!   

Reason 2:  My daughter is obsessed with time right now.  She is always asking what time it is and how long something lasts.  Particularly, she talks about clocks.  But, when she talks about it, she doesn’t enunciate the letter L in the word so it sounds like, “C_OCKS.”.  This morning we had a 5 minute conversation about “clocks.”  She said, “I don’t like clocks.”  And, “everyone has clocks, right mommy?!”  “There is a clock in this room and that room too, right?”   She went on and on and on.  Imagine how that sounded to me?!  I was in hysterics.   And, she laughed so hard because I laughed so hard.  We were buddies.  We were laughing together about an inside joke that she will never know about (at least until she is 18).  Nonetheless, it was the funnies thing EVER!

Reasons why I don’t love age 3.

Reason 1:  Yesterday, I had a few friends over for a small playgroup.  My 3 year old daughter threw one tantrum after another.  I was a little embarrassed with her behavior, to be honest.  She wanted me to push her on the swings and when I couldn’t, she cried.  She didn’t want to share her toys and when I made her share, she cried.  She didn’t want to go in the basement, she wanted to go outside and when we didn’t, she cried.  OH MY GOD!  For the love of everything human…..

Reason 2:  Last week, we went to visit my family in Michigan.  When we got to the security check point at the airport, my daughter would NOT give up her backpack to put through the scanner.  Would not!!!  When I took it off her back, she threw herself to the floor and spun around on her back.  Everyone around was staring at our misfortune with pissed off looks on their faces.  We were holding up the line.  HOLY CRAP!  Is this a joke??!

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Reasons why I love age 1

Reason 1:  We got home from Michigan on Sunday evening and I was so tired on Monday.  When my 1 year old woke up from her nap, I put her next to me on the couch and we snuggled for 20 minutes.  She put her head on my head and it was so sweet and cozy.  She patted me on the head and I really believe there is nothing better in the whole wide world.  I drifted off a little bit here and there and for a moment our house was quiet and at peace.  She was loving and gentle and beyond her year… 

Reason 2, 3, and 4: She is toddling around holding her belly.  She is walking everywhere and loving life.  When we were on the plane, she wanted to look at the window and see the clouds.  She is so curious.  She points to everything, gives me books to read to her, and laughs when my 3 year old does something funny.  She babbles.  She hugs and kisses.  She waves to strangers.  Bliss.

Reasons why I don’t love age 1

Reason 1:  She always wants to be moving, so it was pretty much a nightmare on the plane to Michigan.  She was throwing herself around, screaming, and carrying on.  She was tired but didn’t want to go to sleep.  She was throwing her head back and hitting it on the side of the plane.  Out of control!!!!!  We were those people.  We got the looks and we deserved it!  1 hour and 15 minutes literally felt like 4 LONG, SLOW HOURS!  WOW!

Reason 2:  Yesterday at playgroup, she was also off her game.  She wanted me to hold her at nearly every second.  She would cry when I would put her down, cranky from her afternoon nap.  If my 3 year old would cry, so would she.  It was like a one hour living nightmare and you cannot reason with a one year old.  No way.  Sometimes, there is nothing you can do.  Sometimes, your luck just runs out of steam and you are slowly chugging along trying to find a millisecond of peace while the babies are screaming, “CHOO CHOO!!!” 

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…And chug along we will.  Because, I know there are highs and lows to everything.  There are good points and bad points.  Ups and downs.  Sometimes everything goes completely right and you feel like there is no problem at all.  Life is good.  And then there are times that everything seems out of control.  My head is spinning and I’m waiting, waiting, waiting for something to change and relieve me.

But, I think I can handle it. 

After all, I know that soon enough, everything will go right again.  I know my girls will laugh and giggle again soon.  I know they will do cute things to make up for it.  They will hug me tight.  I know it is never that bad!  We have to take the good with the bad and realize that sometimes, it is just their age dictating their behavior (and us).  :) 

But, it is ok.  I mean, just this afternoon we were all dancing in the kitchen to Britney Spears, singing along, and shaking our hips.  My 1 year old did her first twirl and we all clapped for her.  She smiled big and bright and my 3 year old threw her head back in laughter.  That moment, I knew that this one reason was better than every tantrum and fit, because it a reason why I love being a mom.

Mom Wars

I realize that ‘mom wars’ are unsupportive in nature and stem from a difference in opinions and parenting styles. I believe the term “Mom Wars” started with the age-old stay –at- home mom vs. working moms.  But now, it has spread into other issues including attachment parenting in other words breast-feeding dos and do nots, every kind of competition (attire, hosting skills, volunteerism, education level, pedigree, house beautiful or not) and a difference in parenting styles in general.  Be happy with yourself, but not too happy, otherwise it degenerates into self-righteousness. Nothing makes people talk more than smug self-righteousness.

Self-righteous moms are the ones that whispered in the corner to discuss what you were wearing in High School are now whispering in the corner about how long you did or didn’t breastfeed.  “Oh my god, can you believe ‘so and so’ didn’t give their kid a time-out when he acted that way!”  Or, “look at her nails, how can she even go out like that.  Can’t she make time for herself?”  Sometimes they don’t even whisper.  These moms judge loudly.  “I wouldn’t do it like that,” they say.  They ask you questions and then make faces when you answer.  You know we see those faces.  Their way is the only way. Whether they say these things overtly or covertly, they spark insecurities, and create “Mom Wars!”

For the most part, most moms parent within reason.  If you are hanging your baby from a balcony window like Michael Jackson, or leaving your infant in the tub unattended, well then…get ready to be judged.  But, if you are going about your business, parenting your child the best way you can and then you are judged, I have something to say.  It isn’t you.  It’s them. These moms that think they can judge are full of phony baloney.  But I still feel like I have to answer to these silent judges.  I still want to defend myself to these moms.  Don’t we all?  Because we don’t want to ever feel inferior to anyone else.  That never feels good.

My kids ate baby food from Uncle Gerber who pureed very well “GASP!”

but I was able to breastfed both of them. “REDEEMED!! HOPEFULLY NOT TOO LONG”, they will say, “-14 months and 10 months.” Is that too long? 

I coddled a little too much at times “HOW COULD SHE?” and it has led me to fear the beginning of school and dropping her off. “WELL, SHE DESERVES THAT.” 

When my baby cries for me, I pick her up…every time “THAT BABY WILL NEVER LEARN,” I hear them saying with a judgmental tone… except at night, I let her cry if she doesn’t want to go to bed.  “COLD-HEARTED!”

Hey…I can’t win?!  Doesn’t it feel like that sometimes? 

Everyone has an opinion, I guess.  But, the best thing about all of that was that it was my decision.  I made my choices, despite the people pointing fingers telling me how it is done.  I own my mistakes.  I own my place.  Go ahead and judge if you need to if I’m not perfect about it.  But, we don’t all need to be judges and contestants all the time.  This isn’t a game show. This is life. Let’s just ‘be.’  Stop worrying about everyone else and worry about yourself. 

Look, we are all different and that is what makes the world go round.  But, we also have to develop an important concept and practice it daily, “to each her own.”  If someone wants to put their child in time-outs who cares if they do or don’t!.  If moms will NOT breastfeed because they think it is gross, that is their choice.  If Betty Sue over there wants to act like she’s got all the answers because she read the books and her kid sits nicely with his hands folded, then she will get a rude awakening at some point.  She might have fresh highlights but she doesn’t have a fresh heart.  The façade cannot last forever miss Betty Sue.  You see, Betty, if you act like you got it all together, it doesn’t mean you are better.   No siree.  Your circus show will fall flat.  Your fresh highlights will go gray. It isn’t supportive missy.  So talk it up if you need to.  Play the part.  Judge loudly.  But, soon enough you will be sitting alone with your well-behaved child and manicured nails wondering why nobody else is sitting next to you.  You created a Mom War with your guns a blazing… and now you have to sit in the aftermath of it and watch the supportive moms laugh and joke over wine.  The good ones are out there.  Let’s surround ourselves with them.

Because, at the end of the day when your kids are sleeping in their cribs or beds; whether they are sharing a room with a sibling or in bed with mom and dad; no matter how you got there, no matter what you do, it is your choice.  The best mom in the whole wide world lies within all of us.  If we all do the best we can do, we will all be able to sleep at night. And then, I guess it won’t matter what anyone says.  But I hope, for all of our sakes, that we found other moms to surround ourselves with, who support us wholeheartedly, and see the beauty in our children and in us.

In the end, however, I think it is time to let go of the strings of adolescence; it is time to grow up.  

Me first!  Anyone in?

Thirty Something

My birthday is tomorrow and I want to give myself a present for the next year, perspective.

·         Instead of getting upset with anyone who acts mean-spirited, I want to rejoice in the good people.

·         Instead of thinking of the have-nots, I want to think about what I do have.

·         Be inclusive.

·         I don’t want to get upset about all the times my baby cries, I want to enjoy the times she smiles and laughs.

·         Try and find humor in poop in the tub, peas on the floor, bite marks on my arm, getting my pants pulled down by my baby, and/or toys in the mouth at every moment.  There is humor in that, right?

·         HELLO…every CHILD has MELTDOWNS!

·         Don’t change for anyone; instead…I will be better for myself.

·         Instead of thinking of anyone in my life who has shut me out, I want to remember the ones who opened the door up wide and smiled.

·         Who cares if I cannot spend hours upon hours on myself, my nails, or my figure, I will be grateful for any time I do have to myself.

·         Note to self: The kids will eat when they are hungry; do not chase them with pancakes and milk.

·         I want to remember to enjoy every good, peaceful moment; close my eyes and take it in.

·         I don’t have to be friends with everyone.

·         Trust my gut.

·         I’m married to the best human being on earth; remember that…even when he doesn’t take out the trash or close the cupboards. ;)

·         Remember my daughter is 3, not 12; she is still a baby and needs to be that way sometimes.

·         I have to remember that I don’t need everyone to like me, as long as I like myself.

·         Sometimes it is ok to count down the minutes until bed-time.

·         Teach my children by example by showing others kindness, generosity, and compassion.

·         Things don’t equal happiness.

·         I have to remember that sometimes it is ok to be left-out; I know there is always someone who wants me around.

·         Dance more, smile often, let loose, kick-back, have fun.

·         Be a good friend.

·         My kids will be small for a short-time, please try to cherish it.

·         DO NOT get involved in mommy wars.  They are no good!

·         If I cannot be comfortable being myself around someone, I shouldn’t be around them.

·         Sometimes, the dishes can wait until morning.  So can the laundry.  So can my game of ‘Words with Friends’

·         Nothing beats girl time.

·         Don’t give in to gossip…unless it is really, really good…or…somewhat good.  ;)

·         Read to my children more; look at IPHONE less.

·         If the kids are whining a lot, not going to bed, not sleeping through the night; remember it won’t last forever, it is usually a phase and it generally lasts 2 weeks.

·         Don’t put pressure on myself. 

·         Be me.

I’m telling myself these things so that I can remember to keep perspective.  It is so easy to cry instead of laugh or to complain instead of share the good moments.  So easy.  Sometimes it is hard to remember the perspective.  As I approach my birthday, I’m giving myself a clean slate.  But, I won’t leave the bad moments out of my blog, or nobody will read it.  Haha!

Thanks for continuing to support me and read my thoughts and words.  I definitely have perspective on that.  Cheers!

My 10 Favorites!

I definitely don’t claim to know everything about babies, places and/or things.  If you want ideas of the best places, events, restaurants, and activities in Bergen county etc…read my friend Tara’s blog: http://knowitallinnj.blogspot.com/

But, I do want to say what saved my life the last 3 years in terms of raising these growing ladies. 

Picture my best Oprah voice….

“Here are my 10 favorittteeee thhiiingggsss”

1.       Music for Aardvarks.  Talk about a seamless program.  This is a music program that focuses on babies and toddlers.  I started taking my 3 year old when she was 1 and fell in love.  Every semester they have a new CD which I feel keeps it fresh and lively.  It has taught both of my daughters an appreciation for music.  All of the teachers are fun and friendly and have a way with the children.   If you live in the area and haven’t tried it yet, try it.  If you don’t have it near you, there are so many other music programs around.    

http://www.ahummusic.com/home.cfm

2.       Diapers.COM!

 It has EVERYTHING you need.  And it ships the NEXT DAY!  I’ve been down to that LAST few diapers and gotten my order in time.  Enough said.

www.diapers.com

3.       LL Bean Tote Bag (size L) –If you think it is weird that I put this on, think again.  I have used this since my 3 year old daughter was born.  It has enough space for an extended weekend trip.  It’s deep, durable, and fits both of my girls’ clothes and so much more.  It can be monogrammed and it is super cute, if you ask me.  I just got it for a friend who recently had a baby and I hope she uses it because I’m. In. Love.

http://www.llbean.com/llb/shop/33381?feat=504173-GN3&page=boat-and-tote-bag-open-top

4.       The Bar Method.  It came to my area recently, but I am ALL ABOUT IT.  If you are looking to shed some baby weight, tone up and make your muscles long and lean, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.  Go.  I LOVE it.  I’m a groupie.  Give me the t-shirt and the socks.  I’ll wear them to church.  It has child care in a fantastic room, which I haven’t utilized just yet, but I will.  The class is hard, the teachers are awesome, and the place is serene.  Try it.

http://ridgewood.barmethod.com/

5.       Stroller Strides. I so wish I had kids that sit nicely in the stroller while I worked out for an hour.  I took this class when my daughter was a baby, and I loved it.  She however, did not.  I did it for about 6 months but, I wish I could still do the class.  You meet great women who are in the same place as you, get a good work-out in, and don’t have to use child care if you can’t.  I think it is the best of all the worlds and I highly recommend it.  It is all over our area so sign up!   They also just started a boot camp class which I am going to try and I’ll tell you about it.  Visit the website to see everything they offer! 

http://www.strollerstrides.com/

6.       Rock and Play Sleeper. I didn’t have it for my first, but it was amazing for my second.  She slept in there until she was about 4 months old.  The minute I put her in it at, she slept through the night.  If you have a newborn, this is the thing to get.  Amazing.  Wonderful.  Worth every penny!  The only drawback was moving her from here to the crib.  A few bad nights.  No biggie.

http://www.target.com/p/fisher-price-newborn-rock-n-play-playard-sleeper/-/A-11699689?ref=tgt_adv_XSG10001&AFID=Google_PLA_df&LNM=%7C11699689&CPNG=baby&ci_sku=11699689&ci_gpa=pla&ci_kw=

7.       The Sound Machine!  Love this.  I use it for both of my kids.  I think it is great because you can bring a piece of home when you travel while drowning out the noise.  I am a big fan.  Just throw on that white noise and call it a day.  I use this one.  It really doesn’t make a difference which one you get.

http://www.amazon.com/DEX-Products-Sound-Sleeper-SS-01/dp/B00008439C/ref=sr_1_12?ie=UTF8&qid=1344626281&sr=8-12&keywords=sleep+sound+machines

8.       The Baby Bjourn  I used this with both of my girls until about 10 months.  They want to be close and I wanted to get things done; this solved the problem.  It is an easy contraption.  It worked when I had to run errands and didn’t want to break out the stroller.  If you have a baby under 1 year old, get it. 

http://www.target.com/p/babybjorn-baby-carrier-active-black-black/-/A-12192076?ref=tgt_adv_XSG10001&AFID=Google_PLA_df&LNM=%7C12192076&CPNG=baby&ci_sku=12192076&ci_gpa=pla&ci_kw=

9.       Plum Organic Snack Packs  Snacks on the go.  So easy.  I give it to my 1 year old and she squeezes into her mouth during a long car ride or on the go.  She likes every single one.  What a genius idea.  Seriously.  I wish I thought of this. 

http://www.toysrus.com/search/index.jsp?kwCatId=&kw=plum%20organic&origkw=Plum+Organic&f=Taxonomy/TRUS/2255957&sr=1

10.   Boogie Wipes  I use it for everything, not just boogies; wiping the face and hands.  Throw it in your diaper bag and you are good to go.  Love them.

http://www.toysrus.com/search/index.jsp?kwCatId=&kw=boogie%20wipes&origkw=boogie+wipes&f=Taxonomy/TRUS/2254197&sr=1

I would also love to hear the things that helped make little babies a little easier.  Share your ideas or thoughts in the comment section below or on my facebook page.

http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Growing-Ladies/228182840619992?bookmark_t=page

Over the River and Through the Woods...

My 3-year-old daughter woke up with a fever on Monday morning.  I asked her what would make her feel better.  “Going to grandma and grandpa’s house,” she said.  I was hesitant to bring her with a fever but I called my parents to ask them it was ok.  “Come!” They said.  Thank goodness, I thought.  I wouldn’t mind the help, that’s for sure.  Alright kids….to grandma and grandpa’s house we go…

The last two days, I was able to meet my friends for lunch, alone.  My parents were fine with me going out for a few hours each day.  They had it under control.  Yesterday in particular, was just so relaxing.  I met my friend at a restaurant; we had a long and leisurely lunch and then chatted afterward.  On the way home, I picked up an iced coffee from Starbucks.  I turned up the radio and acted like I was 22 again; sang at the top of my lungs, “SO CALL ME MAYBE!”  THE LIFE!

That is called rejuvenation!!!

Of course you need your mom and dad growing up.  But, once you get to college and start working, you are on your own and it feels good.  Independent.  Living the life.  Nice.  Yet, everything changes again once you settle down and have kids.  At times, you find yourself at their mercy.  “Ummm mom?  Can you come over?” I ask aloud while silently begging and pleading.  “Here is a picture of your adorable grandchildren, aren’t they cute?  Don’t you want to see them?” (Evil laugh…..waaahhhaaaahhhaaa……)

You never need your mom more.  And in my case, both of my parents.

My friend was telling me that when she was waiting for the closing of her house, she stayed with her parents.  “It was the best,” she said.  Life is easier when you have those extra hands, and especially when mom is there.  I know what she means….

My mom can brush my daughter’s hair and make it look gorgeous.  She never raised her voice when I was growing up and still does not.  She can play Barbie’s with my daughter and transport her to another world.  She changes diapers, makes them dinner, and reads them stories.  My dad is a baby whisperer.  They flock to him.  He doesn’t ask for anything.  He only gives them love and hugs and ALL his time.  That is why they adore him.  When they are around, I can sit back for a little while.  They like to do it and thank goodness, because I like for it to be done. 

When I come to their house, I feel at home.  If my husband has to work late or goes away on business, I find comfort there.  I come for me.  It helps me refresh and rejuvenate.  Daughters have such strong relationships with their moms and I am so thankful for that bond.  I can only hope that one-day, when my daughters are married and having children, I can be that for them.  

I need my mom.  And sometimes, that is all I need.

I can absolutely not say enough about how wonderful and helpful my parents are.  They keep me sane, make it easier, and continue to give my guidance, support, and most of all…love. 

I hope that everyone out there has a support system.  If your mom isn’t around or alive, I hope you have an aunt or helper or close friend that can give you everything you need.  I hope that you can feel at home and find comfort in that support.  And during this crazy time of raising children, know you are never alone.

The Stay at Home Stigma

Back in the day, we all went to the bars.  We put on our best jeans and tops.  We put that glitter in the corner of our eyes and shook our booties with the best of them.  We did it so that we could meet “the guy,” settle down, and get married; the happily ever after.  But, most movies end with the wedding or pregnant belly.  They never really show the nitty gritty.  They never show the stay at home mom in all of her day to day glory.  Shebang!

My husband HATES when I talk about the bun in my hair.  He thinks that topic is getting OLD!.  You know the unpainted nails, the bun in my hair, and the sweatpants.  Yadda, yadda, yadda.  It is true.  It is getting old.  But for who?  Me!  The truth is, I never have time to blow dry my hair anymore.  I guess I could be doing it now, but it is 8:20 pm and I’m going to bed in a few.  Where am I going with freshly blown out hair?  Nowhere.  I probably average blow drying my hair 2 times a month, no exaggeration. 

But, don’t cry for me.  That is hardly a problem.  I know I am lucky.  I am a stay at home mom…and proud of it.  There, I said it.  I feel like it took me forever to come to terms with writing about the stay at home mom.  There is such a stigma.  I'm not exactly sure what it is.  Maybe we aren't wordly or balanced?!  Maybe we aren't smart enough or driven enough?  Who knows.  I do know that working moms get upset at any complaining the stay at home mom has and the stay at home mom wishes she could put on nice clothes and converse with adults on a day to day basis.  The grass is always greener on the other side.  So, it’s true.  I know I am lucky to be home with my children every day.  I always said I would be home with them somehow and so my husband and I made it work.  But, I also know about the stigma.  I wish we could put that stigma to rest.   Being a stay at home mom is HARD too.  I would love to stop at starbucks on the way to work.  Drink my coffee on the train while I read a book or the morning paper.  I would love to walk in heels into the office, click clank, click clank….and try my best to make a difference in some small or big way.  Type with passion on the computer or plug numbers into an excel spreadsheet.  I would love to go to the coffee shop around the corner to pick up lunch and/or eat it at my desk in peace for a few minutes; dab my red lipstick with a little napkin.  That all sounds so dreamy. But, I know I’m idolizing it.  I know it is so hard for working moms.   I know that they must miss their kids insanely.  As I said, the grass is always greener.

I am not trying to take anything away from anyone.  I'm just talking about my reality.

I wake up every day with a bun in my hair (sorry Chris) and change poopie, stinky diapers. I duck when a spinach cake gets thrown at my face.  I trip over toys, OFTEN!  Where did that train track come from?  Yesterday, a piece of a train track fell in my friends toilet along with my daughters poop.  (She had to fish it out with a strainer).  I have to schedule a visit to the hair salon weeks in advance.  There is no “me” time, ever.    Say hello to “mom” clothes.  Our uniform.  Say goodbye to that black paints suit.  I never wore it again. There are days that I do not talk to any other adult unless it is through facebook or via text messages.  I am consistently negotiating, trying to prevent tantrums, and pointing, scolding, and teaching.  I try in so many ways to keep busy, see people, and keep my children happy and occupied.  There isn’t a lot of mental rest.  But, there is a lot of need for mental strength and patience.  We are raising human beings.  We are trying to teach them right and wrong, good and bad, appropriate and not appropriate.  It is not easy.  Every day, 24/7/365….it is draining.  It is.  But, I know it is worth it in the end.

With that said, I love being home with my children.  I really do.  I’m happy I don’t miss a thing.  I’m happy they are attached to me and want to be with me.  I wouldn't trade it for anything.  But, at the same time, I would love a little more balance.  A little more “me” time and “down” time.  Why shouldn’t I?  I deserve it, right?  Just like any other mom, working or at home, we work hard.  We all deserve a break.  We all deserve a little time off. 

So anyway, cheers to the stay at home moms out there.

I hear you!  I feel you!  I’m with you!  Keep going.

And cheers to the working moms who have to balance it all and miss their children while doing it.

Finally, cheers to all the moms out there.  We all work hard.  We all do it all for our children. 

Dads included.

We all…do it all…for them.  Clink.