RUSH

Lately I feel like I’ve been rushing here or there.  Rush to get the girls up and out the door for camp.  Wake them up, stuff food in their face, and shove them out the door to have fun.  “GO!”

Rush to get their hair cut and then rush off to the doctor to check why my daughter is so itchy.  In and out of car seats.  Buckle and Unbuckle.  “Come Here.  Don’t touch that.  Put the crayon down”

Rush to try to squeeze in an exercise class and then rush out to pick up organic milk from Whole Foods.  It has to be organic because everyone tells me and posts on facebook that there are too many hormones in regular milk and my daughters will get their periods prematurely because of it.   Ok, I bite.  Mind spinning out of control….    

Get home and rush to pick up the crusty crap on the floor on my hands and knees and then rush to give baths, brush hair, get dressed for bed and then let’s rush through the book so I can hurry and tuck them in so I can rush through prayers and then rush downstairs to finish dishes and then fast forward through a DVR’ed episode of General Hospital.  Oh My Lord!  Blah!

Question?  When will the rushing stop?  I feel like I’m not sitting and enjoying anything because I’m always so busy rushing to do something for someone, for something, to get it done, to keep it together, to make everyone else happy.

My daughter turned 4 this past weekend.  I had a small girl party on Saturday and a family party on Sunday.  I shouldn’t have been stressed about it but I can’t help it.  I said to my mom, “I can’t wait until it’s over.”  BAD NOREEN!  What is wrong with me?  I wanted to rush through the weekend as I’m at the grocery store and calling my husband to make sure he picks up ICE.  “The ICE, we can’t forget the ICE!”

It’s hard being a mom.  You have to worry about everything and anything.  And the worst part of it is, when I finally relaxed at my daughter’s kid party, my ‘almost’ 2 year old fell off the stage and whacked her head, HARD!  “OH MY GOD!”  If I would have just rushed to pull her off the stage and chased her around the place instead of letting her dance with the big kids, that never would have happened.  See what happens when we don’t rush?!  I see it clearly.  My little girl was fine.  She was a little disoriented at first which gave me a nice big fat worry, but then got better as the day progressed.  But, it happened because I wasn’t vigilant for one moment.  Me.  It is all on me.  I didn’t rush for one millisecond and disaster struck like a lightning bolt; quick and painful and edged with a flash of regret.

The nitty gritty of motherhood is so very nitty and gritty.  Raising kids might be the easy part.  Everything else makes it difficult.  Keeping up.  Making sure.  Trying to get it done.  It’s hard.  These little kids own our worlds and we do everything for them.  No wonder I rushed to squeeze in a facial (my mother’s day gift) during all the commotion of prepping for the party.  If I was going to get it, at least I can enjoy one solid hour of worrying what I was going to do after it. 

BUT!!!!!!!...even though I rushed through it, I got through it.  And, I found moments of pure and utter peace and serenity when I looked in my 4 year old daughter’s eyes.  I told her the night before her birthday that I was so proud of her and that heaven sent me an angel and it is true.  And when I saw her sitting in front of her birthday cake with a big number 4 on top, my heard swelled and burst with a lingering, slow and deliberate moment.  It all became worth it.  And at that moment, everything stopped.

Rough Terrain

I’m sure someone in your life has given you this little tidbit.  “Little kids, little problems…big kids, big problems.”  I know they are speaking about pre-teen, teenagers, and up.  But, I got a little look-see into this world and I have to say, I didn’t like what I saw.  It makes me nervous for the future.  It makes me nervous to grow into the next phases of life, teasing, bullies, making fun, and so on.  I brought my girls to our town pool one afternoon and there were two kids (a little older) that were pouring water on my daughter’s head, shoving (a little), and following her around the pool (in a negative way).  She came up to me to tell me and I told her to stand up for herself.  She did.  But, they were relentless.  One question:  where were the parents?  I mean, these kids are 4-6 years old.  We still have a heavy hand in this.  We haven’t relinquished control just yet.  Have we?  Nope.  This is exactly our job.  We are here to teach them what is right.

So long to the worry about why my daughter didn’t burp after her bottle.  Bye-bye to the concern that her little dolly lost her shoe.  We are hitting rough terrain.  It’s only going to get rougher from here, I’m sure.    

As they grow, so do the problems.  As they grow, so do the struggles.  As they grow, so do our worries.

Look, I know all about harmless fun.  I know kids just play around with each other.  BUT, when one kid doesn’t want to play like that, you have to step in.  They are still learning.  If character development is mostly developed by first grade, then we have a handle in teaching them the right way to treat others.  This trait can and will be embedded into their character for life.  So, if parents turn a blind-eye to their children who may tease others, they will most likely be the “bullies” in high school and so on. 

I know I make mistakes as a parent.  I have never claimed to know all the answers.  But, I INSIST on trying to abide by the one cliché that speaks volumes, “treat others as you want to be treated.”  If my girls hit or shove each other, they immediately get a time-out.  No questions, even my 23 month old.  No questions.  I would never ever want that to translate into everyday life.  I would never want my child to hit or shove or cause another pain.  They may be the ones that break down on the floor and cry and roll around in their messy tears, but you know what, I don’t care.  They have to get it out somehow.  I just don’t want them to EVER be the ones that hurt another with words, with actions, and without consequences.  Be kind.  Is that a hard lesson to teach?

I mean, I was FUMING at the pool.  And I was mourning the loss of innocence, however miniscule.  Because it will start to happen, piece by piece, incident by incident and pretty soon, my daughter will understand that someone may not like her or might make fun of her for who she is…and THAT will make me go sailing into an abyss of pain.  There is no way to stop it.  The only thing that we can teach our kids as protection is…confidence.  That is their armor.  Be strong in their own skin and be confident; so that if someone else teases, they will know that it just doesn’t matter.  They will know it isn’t true.  And they will know to stay away.  Because the truth is, we just don’t want to be friends with anyone like that anyway.

As they grow older, the problems will get bigger but so will their strength of character, as long as we teach them what is right. 

Highs and Lows

My babysitter was here the other day.  She watches the girls for a few hours once a week while I run the errands that are easier to accomplish without kids.  I came home and put my (almost) 2 year old in for a nap while she finished the puzzle with my (almost) 4 year old.  When I sat down with them, she said to me, “I guess you aren’t going anywhere for a while.”  No, I wasn’t.  My baby is a long napper and obviously I cannot go anywhere when she is in her crib.  I said, “Do you remember those days; the days when you felt trapped?!”  NOTE: She has 3 grown kids now so it has been a while.  “Oh really,” she said, “I never felt like that.  I would just put them in the grocery cart or in the stroller and just do what I needed to do.”  “Oh,” I responded…deflated.  I guess we weren’t going to bond over this one.  Am I terrible?  She continued, “My mom and I would just get things done.”  Bing.  “Well, you were lucky to have your mom so close” My parents and in-laws are an hour to an hour and a half away, respectively.  I can’t just do the ‘drop off.’  These things have to be planned, packed, organized, and in order.  I don’t really have anyone that can be there for me at the drop of a hat. I’m not complaining because I have wonderful friends.  I’m just talking about life.  I try to do visits often so that I can feel some sense of a break, but other than that, I’m on my own.  So maybe it was the fact that she had her mom close and/or maybe it is that she clearly doesn’t remember the ‘good old days.’  It is easy to forget.  And nobody warns you about them…the highs and lows of parenthood.

I’m coming off an enormous HIGH.  I lost a bunch of weight through a nutritional cleansing program and the weather was getting warmer.  High and more high.  We were outside more and the girls were on a roll.  Rolling, rolling, rolling all the way down the hill toward….wait for it….the stomach virus!  LOW!

I mean, it is completely fine.  My 4 year old is basically watching movie after movie today as she rests off those large bags under her eyes and recovers from the dry-heaving.  L  But, the rain has started and my 2 month high has hit a road block.  Detour through the woods!  Grab your flashlight.

The thing is, nobody ever tells you about the lows.  EVER!  I feel like it is some big crummy secret.  Why must everyone keep everyone else in the dark?  Why?  I don’t get it.  People just need to be honest.  Yes, sometimes motherhood is a big, cranky mess.  There, I said it.  And it feels good!  I guess we don’t want to make new mommies feel bad about their decision to have a baby.  But, I feel like it can be even more than that.  Why don’t the mothers of 7 year olds tell the mothers of 4 year olds what to expect in the next few years?  Why do I have no idea what to expect with year 4 approaching?  Do the tantrums lessen?  Do we emerge into a potty situation that does not involve Miralax?  Can we take off a princess dress without sobbing?  And if a turkey burger is hot, will it invoke senseless tears?  Just wondering.  I just want to know what I’m in for. 

I mean, I told my friend who has a newborn about the witching hour.  I warned her.  She would have figured it out on her own, but at least I could give her that.  Look, the witching hour starts around 6 weeks and they cry for about 2-3 hours nonstop between the hours of 5-7 pm.  Good luck. 

Thanks???

Oh, the highs and lows.  Here we are again.  But, we will get through it.  The sun will break through those trees and we will be playing through the sprinklers again.  I know it.  Next week, we will ride off into the sunset waving our fairytale wands and screaming out the window, “This is the best day ever!”   And we will forget about the lows.  (This I say as I watch my 4 year-old child squirm to hold in her poop).   

Filter It

A man with a very long white speckled beard (in the shape of an upside down triangle) walked into CVS when I was with my 2 daughters.  My little one stared at him and my older one giggled and said, “You look funny,” under her breath.  I heard her clearly but pretended I didn’t so I could ask her, “What did you just say?”  She responded, “Nothing Mom.  Nothing.”  Is my 3 ½ daughter already filtering herself?  Is she completely aware that saying someone looks funny is not something you do?!

We teach our children not to point and stare.  We teach them to embrace differences.  (At least I hope most people do).  We try and teach them to be gracious and accepting of all race, religion, and color.  (Again, I hope most parents do).  Lately, I’m not so sure.  But anyway, my daughter immediately realized her mistake.  If she told me what she had said, she knows I would have said, “Now that isn’t polite to laugh at someone else.” 

I hope she is getting it.  Perhaps she is starting to? 

My little one isn’t yet, however.  She literally followed the man out the door pointing to his turban.  22 months.  I have time.  ;)

My parents have taught me to be gracious and kind.  I try my best to follow suit.  My mom always says to me, “You can vent here with me, and then move on.”  Basically, my mom is my absolute safe place.  Most other places, I have a filter, with the exception of maybe 2 or 3 girlfriends and of course, my husband.

Filters are so important, if you ask me.  Children have to be taught to filter themselves because when they are this young, anything can come out.  My little one has a little white cyst (completely benign) on her neck that will need to be removed at some point in the next year.  About a month ago, a couple of kids were at our house and they said pointing at her, “What is on her neck?”  “A birthmark,” I replied.  It is completely fine but if she was older and the kids were older, I would hope that their parents would teach them not to point out something out of the ordinary as it could make my daughter uncomfortable.  That is just a tiny example. 

It is NOT a bad thing to hold your tongue as far as I’m concerned.  The age old, “if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all,” is completely getting lost these days.  As adults, it is OUR job to teach by EXAMPLE!  Are parents doing it?  We all have things we would like to say to some people or even out loud.  But, we should have something called ‘inner thoughts.’  Period.  Keep the judgment to yourself.  Strong opinions are fine but adults should know how to communicate them.  Making others feel bad to get your views on the table is not the way to do it.  To rant about something in a public place or on a public forum just because you can, is what??  What is it?  Juvenile?  I just don’t think it is necessary.  Facebook and other social media forums made it easy to hide behind your computer and TYPE away.  It doesn’t make it right!  I really think we all need to take a step back and really determine what is worth it.  It is always worth it to say something nice.  It is never worth it to make someone feel bad.  That should be the lesson? 

Our kids are watching US!  They are learning from US!  I hope parents are teaching their kids the right things.  I HOPE most parents are teaching their children to be accepting by being accepting people. 

So, if you want to say something bad about someone, do it in your safe place and make sure your kids aren’t listening.    Otherwise, use a filter.