RUSH

Lately I feel like I’ve been rushing here or there.  Rush to get the girls up and out the door for camp.  Wake them up, stuff food in their face, and shove them out the door to have fun.  “GO!”

Rush to get their hair cut and then rush off to the doctor to check why my daughter is so itchy.  In and out of car seats.  Buckle and Unbuckle.  “Come Here.  Don’t touch that.  Put the crayon down”

Rush to try to squeeze in an exercise class and then rush out to pick up organic milk from Whole Foods.  It has to be organic because everyone tells me and posts on facebook that there are too many hormones in regular milk and my daughters will get their periods prematurely because of it.   Ok, I bite.  Mind spinning out of control….    

Get home and rush to pick up the crusty crap on the floor on my hands and knees and then rush to give baths, brush hair, get dressed for bed and then let’s rush through the book so I can hurry and tuck them in so I can rush through prayers and then rush downstairs to finish dishes and then fast forward through a DVR’ed episode of General Hospital.  Oh My Lord!  Blah!

Question?  When will the rushing stop?  I feel like I’m not sitting and enjoying anything because I’m always so busy rushing to do something for someone, for something, to get it done, to keep it together, to make everyone else happy.

My daughter turned 4 this past weekend.  I had a small girl party on Saturday and a family party on Sunday.  I shouldn’t have been stressed about it but I can’t help it.  I said to my mom, “I can’t wait until it’s over.”  BAD NOREEN!  What is wrong with me?  I wanted to rush through the weekend as I’m at the grocery store and calling my husband to make sure he picks up ICE.  “The ICE, we can’t forget the ICE!”

It’s hard being a mom.  You have to worry about everything and anything.  And the worst part of it is, when I finally relaxed at my daughter’s kid party, my ‘almost’ 2 year old fell off the stage and whacked her head, HARD!  “OH MY GOD!”  If I would have just rushed to pull her off the stage and chased her around the place instead of letting her dance with the big kids, that never would have happened.  See what happens when we don’t rush?!  I see it clearly.  My little girl was fine.  She was a little disoriented at first which gave me a nice big fat worry, but then got better as the day progressed.  But, it happened because I wasn’t vigilant for one moment.  Me.  It is all on me.  I didn’t rush for one millisecond and disaster struck like a lightning bolt; quick and painful and edged with a flash of regret.

The nitty gritty of motherhood is so very nitty and gritty.  Raising kids might be the easy part.  Everything else makes it difficult.  Keeping up.  Making sure.  Trying to get it done.  It’s hard.  These little kids own our worlds and we do everything for them.  No wonder I rushed to squeeze in a facial (my mother’s day gift) during all the commotion of prepping for the party.  If I was going to get it, at least I can enjoy one solid hour of worrying what I was going to do after it. 

BUT!!!!!!!...even though I rushed through it, I got through it.  And, I found moments of pure and utter peace and serenity when I looked in my 4 year old daughter’s eyes.  I told her the night before her birthday that I was so proud of her and that heaven sent me an angel and it is true.  And when I saw her sitting in front of her birthday cake with a big number 4 on top, my heard swelled and burst with a lingering, slow and deliberate moment.  It all became worth it.  And at that moment, everything stopped.