Rough Terrain

I’m sure someone in your life has given you this little tidbit.  “Little kids, little problems…big kids, big problems.”  I know they are speaking about pre-teen, teenagers, and up.  But, I got a little look-see into this world and I have to say, I didn’t like what I saw.  It makes me nervous for the future.  It makes me nervous to grow into the next phases of life, teasing, bullies, making fun, and so on.  I brought my girls to our town pool one afternoon and there were two kids (a little older) that were pouring water on my daughter’s head, shoving (a little), and following her around the pool (in a negative way).  She came up to me to tell me and I told her to stand up for herself.  She did.  But, they were relentless.  One question:  where were the parents?  I mean, these kids are 4-6 years old.  We still have a heavy hand in this.  We haven’t relinquished control just yet.  Have we?  Nope.  This is exactly our job.  We are here to teach them what is right.

So long to the worry about why my daughter didn’t burp after her bottle.  Bye-bye to the concern that her little dolly lost her shoe.  We are hitting rough terrain.  It’s only going to get rougher from here, I’m sure.    

As they grow, so do the problems.  As they grow, so do the struggles.  As they grow, so do our worries.

Look, I know all about harmless fun.  I know kids just play around with each other.  BUT, when one kid doesn’t want to play like that, you have to step in.  They are still learning.  If character development is mostly developed by first grade, then we have a handle in teaching them the right way to treat others.  This trait can and will be embedded into their character for life.  So, if parents turn a blind-eye to their children who may tease others, they will most likely be the “bullies” in high school and so on. 

I know I make mistakes as a parent.  I have never claimed to know all the answers.  But, I INSIST on trying to abide by the one cliché that speaks volumes, “treat others as you want to be treated.”  If my girls hit or shove each other, they immediately get a time-out.  No questions, even my 23 month old.  No questions.  I would never ever want that to translate into everyday life.  I would never want my child to hit or shove or cause another pain.  They may be the ones that break down on the floor and cry and roll around in their messy tears, but you know what, I don’t care.  They have to get it out somehow.  I just don’t want them to EVER be the ones that hurt another with words, with actions, and without consequences.  Be kind.  Is that a hard lesson to teach?

I mean, I was FUMING at the pool.  And I was mourning the loss of innocence, however miniscule.  Because it will start to happen, piece by piece, incident by incident and pretty soon, my daughter will understand that someone may not like her or might make fun of her for who she is…and THAT will make me go sailing into an abyss of pain.  There is no way to stop it.  The only thing that we can teach our kids as protection is…confidence.  That is their armor.  Be strong in their own skin and be confident; so that if someone else teases, they will know that it just doesn’t matter.  They will know it isn’t true.  And they will know to stay away.  Because the truth is, we just don’t want to be friends with anyone like that anyway.

As they grow older, the problems will get bigger but so will their strength of character, as long as we teach them what is right.