Filter It

A man with a very long white speckled beard (in the shape of an upside down triangle) walked into CVS when I was with my 2 daughters.  My little one stared at him and my older one giggled and said, “You look funny,” under her breath.  I heard her clearly but pretended I didn’t so I could ask her, “What did you just say?”  She responded, “Nothing Mom.  Nothing.”  Is my 3 ½ daughter already filtering herself?  Is she completely aware that saying someone looks funny is not something you do?!

We teach our children not to point and stare.  We teach them to embrace differences.  (At least I hope most people do).  We try and teach them to be gracious and accepting of all race, religion, and color.  (Again, I hope most parents do).  Lately, I’m not so sure.  But anyway, my daughter immediately realized her mistake.  If she told me what she had said, she knows I would have said, “Now that isn’t polite to laugh at someone else.” 

I hope she is getting it.  Perhaps she is starting to? 

My little one isn’t yet, however.  She literally followed the man out the door pointing to his turban.  22 months.  I have time.  ;)

My parents have taught me to be gracious and kind.  I try my best to follow suit.  My mom always says to me, “You can vent here with me, and then move on.”  Basically, my mom is my absolute safe place.  Most other places, I have a filter, with the exception of maybe 2 or 3 girlfriends and of course, my husband.

Filters are so important, if you ask me.  Children have to be taught to filter themselves because when they are this young, anything can come out.  My little one has a little white cyst (completely benign) on her neck that will need to be removed at some point in the next year.  About a month ago, a couple of kids were at our house and they said pointing at her, “What is on her neck?”  “A birthmark,” I replied.  It is completely fine but if she was older and the kids were older, I would hope that their parents would teach them not to point out something out of the ordinary as it could make my daughter uncomfortable.  That is just a tiny example. 

It is NOT a bad thing to hold your tongue as far as I’m concerned.  The age old, “if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all,” is completely getting lost these days.  As adults, it is OUR job to teach by EXAMPLE!  Are parents doing it?  We all have things we would like to say to some people or even out loud.  But, we should have something called ‘inner thoughts.’  Period.  Keep the judgment to yourself.  Strong opinions are fine but adults should know how to communicate them.  Making others feel bad to get your views on the table is not the way to do it.  To rant about something in a public place or on a public forum just because you can, is what??  What is it?  Juvenile?  I just don’t think it is necessary.  Facebook and other social media forums made it easy to hide behind your computer and TYPE away.  It doesn’t make it right!  I really think we all need to take a step back and really determine what is worth it.  It is always worth it to say something nice.  It is never worth it to make someone feel bad.  That should be the lesson? 

Our kids are watching US!  They are learning from US!  I hope parents are teaching their kids the right things.  I HOPE most parents are teaching their children to be accepting by being accepting people. 

So, if you want to say something bad about someone, do it in your safe place and make sure your kids aren’t listening.    Otherwise, use a filter.