The Stay at Home Stigma

Back in the day, we all went to the bars.  We put on our best jeans and tops.  We put that glitter in the corner of our eyes and shook our booties with the best of them.  We did it so that we could meet “the guy,” settle down, and get married; the happily ever after.  But, most movies end with the wedding or pregnant belly.  They never really show the nitty gritty.  They never show the stay at home mom in all of her day to day glory.  Shebang!

My husband HATES when I talk about the bun in my hair.  He thinks that topic is getting OLD!.  You know the unpainted nails, the bun in my hair, and the sweatpants.  Yadda, yadda, yadda.  It is true.  It is getting old.  But for who?  Me!  The truth is, I never have time to blow dry my hair anymore.  I guess I could be doing it now, but it is 8:20 pm and I’m going to bed in a few.  Where am I going with freshly blown out hair?  Nowhere.  I probably average blow drying my hair 2 times a month, no exaggeration. 

But, don’t cry for me.  That is hardly a problem.  I know I am lucky.  I am a stay at home mom…and proud of it.  There, I said it.  I feel like it took me forever to come to terms with writing about the stay at home mom.  There is such a stigma.  I'm not exactly sure what it is.  Maybe we aren't wordly or balanced?!  Maybe we aren't smart enough or driven enough?  Who knows.  I do know that working moms get upset at any complaining the stay at home mom has and the stay at home mom wishes she could put on nice clothes and converse with adults on a day to day basis.  The grass is always greener on the other side.  So, it’s true.  I know I am lucky to be home with my children every day.  I always said I would be home with them somehow and so my husband and I made it work.  But, I also know about the stigma.  I wish we could put that stigma to rest.   Being a stay at home mom is HARD too.  I would love to stop at starbucks on the way to work.  Drink my coffee on the train while I read a book or the morning paper.  I would love to walk in heels into the office, click clank, click clank….and try my best to make a difference in some small or big way.  Type with passion on the computer or plug numbers into an excel spreadsheet.  I would love to go to the coffee shop around the corner to pick up lunch and/or eat it at my desk in peace for a few minutes; dab my red lipstick with a little napkin.  That all sounds so dreamy. But, I know I’m idolizing it.  I know it is so hard for working moms.   I know that they must miss their kids insanely.  As I said, the grass is always greener.

I am not trying to take anything away from anyone.  I'm just talking about my reality.

I wake up every day with a bun in my hair (sorry Chris) and change poopie, stinky diapers. I duck when a spinach cake gets thrown at my face.  I trip over toys, OFTEN!  Where did that train track come from?  Yesterday, a piece of a train track fell in my friends toilet along with my daughters poop.  (She had to fish it out with a strainer).  I have to schedule a visit to the hair salon weeks in advance.  There is no “me” time, ever.    Say hello to “mom” clothes.  Our uniform.  Say goodbye to that black paints suit.  I never wore it again. There are days that I do not talk to any other adult unless it is through facebook or via text messages.  I am consistently negotiating, trying to prevent tantrums, and pointing, scolding, and teaching.  I try in so many ways to keep busy, see people, and keep my children happy and occupied.  There isn’t a lot of mental rest.  But, there is a lot of need for mental strength and patience.  We are raising human beings.  We are trying to teach them right and wrong, good and bad, appropriate and not appropriate.  It is not easy.  Every day, 24/7/365….it is draining.  It is.  But, I know it is worth it in the end.

With that said, I love being home with my children.  I really do.  I’m happy I don’t miss a thing.  I’m happy they are attached to me and want to be with me.  I wouldn't trade it for anything.  But, at the same time, I would love a little more balance.  A little more “me” time and “down” time.  Why shouldn’t I?  I deserve it, right?  Just like any other mom, working or at home, we work hard.  We all deserve a break.  We all deserve a little time off. 

So anyway, cheers to the stay at home moms out there.

I hear you!  I feel you!  I’m with you!  Keep going.

And cheers to the working moms who have to balance it all and miss their children while doing it.

Finally, cheers to all the moms out there.  We all work hard.  We all do it all for our children. 

Dads included.

We all…do it all…for them.  Clink.