Vigil-ant

Yesterday the girls woke up at the same time.  My 3 year old went into my 1 year olds room and wanted to snuggle in her crib with her.  They jumped and played together, snuggled and laughed.  Then I yelled out, “It’s errand day!!!” –and they clapped.  I laughed.  I mean, when on earth would errand day be fun for anyone, except to these babies??  I yelled it out again and they clapped harder and I laughed harder.  “Dry cleaners, bank, and food store!!”  “YAY,” they screamed.  This was a moment when I truly believed the older people who tell me it will go fast and these are the best years.  This was a moment where I watched my 2 beauties playing together and clapping and I thought all was right in the world…

When I heard the news about Boston later that day, I didn’t know what to think.  But, as the news continued and I started to hear the story, I thought “no, all is not right in the world.”

I let the news roll on my TV all afternoon and of course, like everyone, my heart sank and fear replaced contentment.

My bubble feels safe most times as I jet around town.  I don’t get nervous when I drop off my daughters with a neighbor or at school.  But it is times like this that remind me that I should be; maybe not fearful but vigilant.  Vigilant is a word that I heard all through my 20’s after 9/11.  I remember President Bush standing at the podium urging us to stay “Vigilant!”  Vigilant is a word most often forgotten as we live our lives.  Who is going to check the garbage can at the Central Park zoo for anything peculiar?  But, we live in a world in which the word ‘vigilant’ should be our way.  Because as those runners got up in the morning, their only thoughts were, “can I do this?”  They weren’t thinking, “Will a bomb go off as I cross the finish line?”  They weren’t running and looking at the sidelines for anyone suspicious.  They were running toward that finish line.  One goal.  A joyous occasion, a milestone in their lives, has been crushed thanks to nameless cowards…thanks to evil.  But evil doesn’t win.  Good always wins in the end.  We all know that.  

 

Who knows what else to say about this…? 

My husband hugged me last night before bed and asked what was wrong.  “I’m scared,” I replied.  “Of what?”  Of everything.  Of being unlucky. 

Yesterday afternoon, I took my kids to the park.  I needed to get out of the house and away from the TV as much as them.  As we were walking, my 3 year old daughter said, “It’s a beautiful, beautiful day today!!”  She lifted her head up toward the sun and said, “Feel the sun on your face.”  We walked slowly to the park and I let the sun hit my face as I prayed for everyone in Boston.  Later, as I held my 1 year old daughter and watched my 3 year old slide down the slide, I felt a moment of peace for me and my girls and then sadness for anyone who is suffering, bittersweet.        

Errand day, park slides and a picnic outside for lunch today.  With children, you have to forget about everything else and focus on them.  They smiled.  I smiled.  And, all is right in my world and for that, I am grateful and lucky.

Prayers to anyone who has been affected from the Boston Marathon.  My heart literally hurts for you.