Quiet Admiration

I just found out it is National Infertility Awareness week and this is so near and dear to my heart.  So many women struggle from infertility and the thought of some of these women struggling to get pregnant literally hurts my heart.  When I had miscarriage after miscarriage, after miscarriage, I too thought I would never hold my own baby.  But then deep down in the bottom of my heart, I knew I would.  I knew that I would do whatever I had to do, to have my baby.  And I did.  I never gave up on my chance.  We first found out we were pregnant in December 2005 and after much struggle and loss, my baby was finally born in June 2009.  It took a while (almost 4 years) and it was mentally draining on me, but it was worth the wait, that is for sure.  The truth is I truly wonder why infertility seems to be so prevalent these days.  Maybe now, we have a voice so we are talking about it more.  We have such a huge support system now as well.  Couples used to have to struggle behind closed doors in the past.  Now, there are groups, websites, doctors, friends, loved ones, etc who have information or who have gone through it.  And now…we aren’t afraid to talk about it.

Infertility statistics

• One in six couples is infertile. In 40 per cent of cases the problem rests with the male, in 40 per cent with the female, ten per cent with both partners, and in a further ten per cent of cases, the cause is unknown.
• Fertility problems strike one in three women over 35.
• One in 25 males has a low sperm count and one in 35 is sterile.
• For healthy couples in their twenties having regular unprotected sex, the chance of becoming pregnant each month is 25 per cent.
• The chance of conceiving in an IVF cycle is on average around 20 per cent (but varies due to individual circumstances).

  There are so many words that come to mind when thinking about infertility, anger, sadness, denial, exhaustion and guilt.  Couples, especially women, feel so much guilt when they can’t get pregnant.  They feel like the one thing they are ‘born’ to do in some sense, makes them feel less of a woman.  Not everyone feels that, but most women who really want a baby and can’t get pregnant, can have these thoughts.  That is how I felt actually.  I felt like a failure.  I felt stupid.  But then I started to read about infertility and saw that 67% of people treated for infertility will go on to have a baby.  So, I thought to myself, I have options if I need them. I have hope.   It isn’t the end.  Thankfully I didn’t have to do IVF treatments but that is not to say I wouldn’t do it if I had to.  I would have.  I would have shot up my stomach with every shot I could get my hands on.  I would have done it all.  I would have done it over and over again and spent every dime in my pocket. 

Most of my readers have families already, thank goodness.  But, if you are reading this and struggling to have a baby, please know your options, find support, and lean on family and friends.  It is an isolating feeling.  I remember going into chat rooms when I found out my first pregnancy was failing at 12 weeks and my fetus wasn’t going to make it much longer.  I wrote my story in a miscarriage chat site and someone wrote to me something that I will never forget.  She said, “I sit here crying for what you are going through but in quiet admiration of how strong you are to get through this.”  I will NEVER FORGET that quote for it got me through my most struggling times.  She was some lady from London; someone I never met or knew.  But, she more than anyone else, got me through it.  Because she knew!  She too had gone through a miscarriage at that time.  I didn’t feel alone.  With her mere words, she allowed me to think that I could be strong enough to get through it. It is the strength of the woman that I believe shows her true character.  And it is the woman who I BELIEVE can surpass any obstacle that stands before her.  Be strong. 

If you are sitting with your child tonight, hold them tight.  We all should appreciate what we have.  And if we can, help someone who is having trouble with our love, advice, hope and encouragement.  I know I will, because there was once a time in my life when I thought I would be watching TV on my couch without 2 monitors sitting on my coffee table.

Good Night.