Safe to Leave?

Can we talk about the fact that my 19 month old will cry every time I leave the room?  It is bordering on the exhausting level.  I remember when my 3 ½ year old was that age and I left.  She would just blankly watch the car drive away.  I feel like I would wave and blow kisses hoping in the back of my mind that she would shed some tears over her leaving mama.  Anything?  Nope.  She would just watch me leave with neutral expression until the car drove away and out of sight.  Bye?! She was an independent type even from that age, from birth actually.  And now, if I tell her I’m going to run some errands, she wants to know exactly where I’m going.  She will listen, nod her head and then say, “Ok, Mom...See you later,” and run away with a hop and a skip.  La Dee da…

It was always so easy to leave.

Today I told her that daddy and I were going on vacation and I was going to miss her sooo much.  “It’s ok Mommy, you’ll be fine.  I’ll make you a card.”  What a girl; she is a sweet independent little girl who will even look after me.  When she was a baby, I would say to my mom, “She doesn’t even notice if I’m gone.”  “Of course she does,” my mom would respond.  “You are her mommy.”  But, the truth was that she was pretty content when I left.  My mom told me that she was just “getting by,” but I knew better.  She was perfectly fine.  You know what, looking back now, I realize how much of a blessing that was and is.  You know why, I see the other side of it. 

Enter my little one.  Door slams!—(for effect)

When I was pregnant with my second, I said to my mom, “this one is mine.”  Haha!  My first child was everyone’s first child.  Everyone held her.  She was passed around and around and around.  She cooed and smiled for everyone.  So, I wanted to keep this one a little closer to me, MAMA!  I wouldn’t mind if she shed a few tears when I left.  You know, every mother wants to feel wanted.  So now when I leave the room and she runs to the door as she cries, “MAMA, MAMA, MAMA, MAMA,” my dad says to me, “you wanted it, you got it.”  BLARGH?!

The good news is that my 3 ½ year old has taken on the big sister role well.  If I know I’m dropping them somewhere I will discuss it on the car ride over.  I’ll say to the big sister that she has to take care of the little one.  I tell her that her sister might cry and that she has to do her best to make her feel better.  And then I’ll say to the little one, “Mama is going to drop you off but I’ll be back so you have to try and be a big girl.”  The stiff upper lip comes out, the lip quivers and it breaks my heart.  But, she tries, for about a millisecond.  When I dropped them off at my gym class on Wednesday and was leaving the room I caught a glimpse of my 3 ½ year old rubbing my 1 ½ year olds back trying to soothe her as she cried and I just about collapsed to the ground, shot through the heart with love and affection.  Bong.!

My little one, she snuggles me, wants to be held, and gets upset when I leave.  You know what; there is nothing wrong with that at all.  I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone who wants me around this much!  I like it.  I’ll admit, it gets annoying when I want to go somewhere and I know it’s going to be a process but at the same time, they are only little once. My 3 ½ year old makes me prouder than I ever imagined and my little one wraps herself around me like a monkey. I know one day I’ll look back as they are breezing through the door to go out with friends, how much I will miss this.