"Breathable Moments"

I was talking to my mom last Thursday evening and I said to her in exasperation, “One more day…I just don’t think I can get through it.”  She doesn’t like when I say that.  She responded, “Don’t say that, it will be fine.  You will be fine.”  “It is just so hard,” I replied.  And she knows.  She understood. Having small kids is tiring. Some days I feel like pulling the blanket over my head.  Fend for yourselves, kids.  But, thankfully there are day to day moments that help me get through it.  I coined them, “breathable moments.” 

Breathable moments are not moments that take your breath away, they are moments that allow you to take a breath.  They are moments of silence, of sanity, of contentment.  They are moments that allow you to say to yourself,” I can get through the day.”  (Sorry Mom). They let you reflect and be you, whoever that is, and let those guards down, whatever they may be. Of course, there are wonderful, fabulous times that you have with your children, but I’m talking about those day to day moments for you.

I was inspired to write about “breathable moments” thinking back to when I worked full-time.  Every morning before I left for work, I would find myself enjoying 10 minutes of absolute bliss.  Before I would fight the traffic on the George Washington Bridge and Throgs Neck, I would take a few minutes to water my flowers.  The morning was so still and it was such a relaxing feeling.  The morning sun shined on my face and it made me think of the simple life.   That time allowed me to prepare for the day.  And when I was at work, I would find those “breathable moments” behind closed doors with my boss.  Between discussing students, we would talk about having babies and people and life, and those minutes were everything to me. They allowed me to hope and be happy.  During those wonderful minutes of watering and chatting, I was truly myself.  People or moments that allow you to be your true authentic self are those to be cherished. 

Now, as a mother, those moments are short-lived but if you are lucky, you can find them and snatch them up.  Every morning before I get my babies, my coffee brews and the smell overtakes the house.  I close my eyes and sip it slowly.  I get my jolt and I’m good (until about 1 pm).  A ritual I find to be perfect….until the sound of cries fills the house instead.  Snarf!  Some days (about 4 out of 7) I succeed at getting both the girls down for what I call, ‘double naptime’.  It is usually brief.  22 minutes to be exact, but it is HEAVEN! 

When the girls play silently and independently, “mom” friends who laugh at your jokes, sitting outside on a warm day with the monitor next to you; these are all moments I cherish for me.  I look forward to them because they allow me to breathe.  In between the whining and complaining of typical young kids and the day to day grind, I soak them up and allow these “breathable moments” to let me be who I am.  And in them, I find inspiration.