Brace for Impact

Having a baby changes your life.  I feel like I can’t put into relationships like I could before, right now.  I feel like I might miss out on things.  (FOMO!!!)  My body is taking a back seat to my baby.  I’m trying to talk myself out of nursing because I feel like I’ve done enough, but something is keeping me going.  But, with that, my body won’t go back to where it was.  My baby is almost 10 months but she is still getting up between 4:45-6:30 am so I’m tired.  Some days I’m BONE tired (a phrase my mom uses).  You know it is bad when you hear, “BONE!”  “Oh NO, BONE….it’s going to be a long one!”  The baby is at that stage where she is in need of constant supervision; my mobile Houdini.  She is a delightful handful.  It’s hard. But, nobody ever said it was going to be easy.  I think that was just the pregnancy hormones.  “Another baby?  Piece of cake.”  I know these are not real problems and are short term, (for the most part) but still, on those bone tired days, I might be/feel a little negative at times.  Like today, when my other two girls were with friends and I walked my baby up and down the block in a push toy for an hour.  1 hour.  I had to pinch myself.  Am I alive?  I’m so bored!  I was peeking in the windows of my neighbors.  Anyone out there?  The sky was gray.  The trees were bare. 

Hello?

It’s me.

For some reason I was thinking about wine….and then I thought about that flight that went down on the Hudson River. (As you can see my train of thought). I remember being obsessed with that story when it happened.  I listened to the tape from the flight cockpit over and over again.  I got chills when Sully said without passion or fear, “Brace for Impact.”  After hearing so much negativity and seeing so much sadness in the news, this story resonated with me, because it was heroic and positive and had such a happy ending.  When I brought it up to my husband, he was convinced it happened 10 years ago.  January 15th is the 7^th anniversary.  When I searched it, of course it magically showed up all over my Facebook newsfeed.  I (of course) clicked on a link to a video from a man who was on that flight.  He was a motivational speaker and talked about his experience on that flight and what he took from it.  It was a long speech and I (of course) didn’t watch the entire thing.  Who has time for a 45 minute speech?  What I did take from it was one thing.  He decided to take the negativity out of his life.  He said that there wasn’t time for negative thoughts in his life.  And, he didn’t fight with his wife for 2 years because of it. (The video was from 2011).  I thought to myself, how can I get there?  (I said that to myself through my tears as my baby screamed from the back of the car and I had to turn up the volume on my YouTube).  She hates the car!  What baby hates the car?  And my second thought was, “where is this guy?  You can’t tell me he still hasn’t fought with his wife….”

ANYHOO…..

Change our thoughts, change our life.  Flip the switch.  Is it that simple? 

That is my goal in 2016.  I don’t make resolutions.  I don’t want to put that kind of pressure on myself.  What I will do, is try and look at the positive side, especially as I’m knee deep in the grunt work of parenting. I’m in it.  But I think it starts with everyday decisions.  Like who we surround ourselves with.  Who we let into our life.  Who we let get to know the real us.  Who understands us?  I have a few friends that have stayed so near and dear to me through all my kids, especially my third.  They understand how hard it is when a new baby comes.  They come visit me.  If they want to see me, they know where to find me.  But mostly, they understand ME.  I want to surround myself with people like that.  I want to be with people who want to be with me.  It sounds simple, but I am not sure it is.  Because sometimes the balance of friendship is so fragile.  I want to be with the ones made of steel.

It also starts with our everyday talk.  What are we telling ourselves?  Sometimes my inner dialogue is so negative about myself. (Especially on days that I don’t shower).  I’m so… (Insert negative thought).  If we tell ourselves these things, we will feel it.  We have to tell ourselves positive things.  Look at how I just ROCKED dinner time.  Nobody screamed.  Yay me!  Look at these funky PJ pants that I have been wearing for two days.  At least they are colorful. 

I need to stop that talk and take action for myself.  I need to find time to take the class, the shower, see the people I want to see.  Find things that lift me up.  Because it is hard.  It is a balancing act.  And I need to embrace the moments of pure happiness.  Maybe it is a pedicure, a dance class, or having a little alone time with one of my kids.  Maybe it is sleeping in, a cup of coffee with REAL creamer, or seeing how happy my daughter is when she gets flowers from her daddy before their Girls Scout dance.  Maybe it is sneaking a little chocolate bar hidden in the back of the refrigerator. (even though I have cut out sugar).

Maybe it is just having time to be me.  I want to be me with no apologies.

Because I don’t have to be the perfect parent or wife or friend.  Nobody does.  It isn’t realistic.  But I can be me.

In 2016, let’s all just vow to be ourselves.  Even if we have spit up on our black shirt.  Even if we are up a few times a night.  Even if we have more moments of lugging and shlepping, and wiping our 4 year old’s poopie butt.  Even if…..

It doesn’t matter.  Because there is always time to be happy.

It all starts with ourselves.  We have the power.  2016 is going to be a great year! 

“Brace for Impact!”