"Keeping up with the Joneses"

Welcome to Bergen County, New Jersey.  Where status equals how many kids you have birthed and if that mom can stay at home.  “Look at me,” she says.  “I have 4 children, a big house, and the financial stability to clothe them all, buy luxurious things, and hit the gym.”  Well good for you.  Congrats. 

I see other mom’s at my gym, who have the flawless “gym” attire.  You know, the gym look.  They drop their adorable children off in the daycare, and spend hours perfecting their figures.  As I look down at my paint-stained tank top and ill-fitted sweatpants, I can’t help but think about this syndrome we all know and fear, called “Keeping up with the Joneses”

Where was this idiom coined?  How did it come about?  I know that it is a comparison.  A benchmark for the accumulation of stuff.  The best stuff.  In the mom/woman world, that “stuff” comes in the form of designer handbags; Tory Burch shoes;  expensive jeans, silk scarves, fancy cars, etc.  The list can go on and on.  I can go on and on about it.  But, I really think it is that good old-fashioned inferiority complex.  Women have this innate feeling of inferiority.  It starts early on and flourishes through high school.  It takes a back seat in college and the early working years, because let’s face it, we were all too drunk to care  But, it emerges again in all of its glory, when you start a family and become a mom.  A focus shifts.  And here it is, welcome back!

You are not human if you don’t feel it. The pressure to keep up.  But, I don’t buy it.  I’ll admit that I have had moments of this fear.  This lack of something.  But it is fleeting.  For me, it is more of a want to be better for myself.  A better mom. A better woman.  A leader. I’d like to think that my primary focus is on conversation. Period.  I try not to make my focus, someone’s handbag or pair of shoes.  I can appreciate those things, of course, and complement them, but I do not want to get into “that”.  Wanting those things.  Those “things” aren’t important.  I want to get away from that.  And I want to focus on something far more important; relationships. Do I need new gym attire, yes.  But, I’ll get to that.  I’ll think about that, when my kids get older.  For now, I am happy to hit the gym in my old college t-shirt and my 4 year old yoga pants.  But, I will sit in these old faded yoga pants and pretend I’m the voice of Ariel with my toddler.  And I will teach my girls to be leaders, no matter what shoes they are walking in. I will also chat with my husband about his day, and will sit comfortably with my legs crossed in my chair at the table.  We will laugh about what are children did that day.  I will complain about what our children did that day.  I will rest on the couch for exactly 2 minutes before its time to get ready for my 4:45 am wakeup call by my 6 month old.  I will take off my yoga pants, put on my pajama pants and call it a day. Besides, I wonder if Mr. and Mrs. Jones even talk to each other.  Or, do they just dress in their expensive sleeping attire and then roll to each side of the bed at night?  The silence echoing in their heads…