Monday, July 16, 2012

Not a Good Look

I recently saw a mother literally shake her 4 year old daughter to get her to stop crying.  I had to tell myself something a million times in a row, “do not judge, do not judge,” but I wish I could tell her that I’m sure that method of discipline won’t work.  It looked like it wasn’t working.  I was witness to a horrendous mother-daughter moment.  It felt bad on so many levels.

Did you ever hear of Erma Bombeck?  When I started blogging, a few people told me my writing reminded them of her.  (Do I have to say it was my mother and mother-in-law?) ha!
Here is a snippet from her biography:”From 1965 to 1996, Erma Bombeck wrote over 4,000 newspaper columns chronicling the ordinary life of a midwestern suburban housewife with broad, and sometimes eloquent humor.”
Some of her quotes are hilarious.  Totally relatable.  But mostly, she was a beautiful writer.  She wrote, “When God created mothers.” And “If I had my life to live over.”  She was so funny too.  She said and I quote, “Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.”  Although I probably wouldn’t have waved it off. Actually, I definitely wouldn’t have waved it off.  I’m a sucker for the sweets.
I wish she lived now, in my time. 
Here is a link to her quotes.
As moms, we all get it.  We can sympathize and empathize for the most part.  I cannot judge that mom and her poor little girl, especially when I watched her yell, “STOP IT,” very LOUDLY, a couple of times in a row.  Ooohhh…bad place mommy.  Not a good look.  AND…it didn’t work.  The poor little 4 year old girl, would.not.stop.crying.  Look, I don’t know what happens behind closed doors.  Maybe she is just the worst child in the world and the mother is at her wits end.  Then, I feel bad for both of them.  I know what it feels like to be at your wits end and it doesn’t feel good.  Maybe she was there, having a bad moment, in front of a crowd of people.  Poor timing.  Maybe she had no filter.  Whatever the case, it reminded me of one of Erma Bombeck’s quotes.

“A child needs your love most when he deserves it least”
Erma Bombeck

 At that moment, the child was acting up.  She wouldn’t listen.  She wouldn’t stop crying.  Maybe yelling and shaking wasn’t the answer; just an opinion from an onlooker.  Maybe the child needed attention?  Maybe she needed love?  Hugs?  Maybe that would calm her down?  More of those things.  Perhaps?  Couldn’t hurt to try, right?  If a certain tactic isn't working, try another.
I thought about that mom and the Erma Bombeck quote when my daughter wouldn’t eat her vegetables last night.  AND…it drives me ‘smoke out of the ears’ crazy. 
My face was getting red, my voice was starting to raise..Up Up Up.  But then, who wants to look like that mother?  Not me.  I don’t want to look overwhelmed, short-tempered…dare I say it…mean!

I thought about it at the pool today when she wouldn’t give the dolphin floatie back to the little boy it belonged to.  I didn’t get upset, I talked to her, took her away from the situation and she was fine.  I feel like at times, the child acts up to get the parent riled up.  And it works, well.  Other times however, the child needs strict discipline and raised voices.  Who am I to say what works best for your child.  I can’t because I’m not in the situation.  I just know that it doesn’t always work well with my child and that is where I’m coming from.  It doesn’t look like it was working for that mom either.

My 3 year old is a happy kid.  As long as I’m showing her lots of love and attention, she is also very well behaved.  There is something to be said for that.  And the truth is, I feel like such a better mom when I can keep my cool, explain and come from a place of love.  I know there are times that I have to be strict and discipline the crap out of my kids.  But, there are also times that I can remain cool, calm, and collected.  I hope I can remember that mother and Erma Bombeck’s quote when the %hit hits the fan.  We only get one shot at this.  And, we shouldn’t have to ask our children for forgiveness down the road, so let’s get it right. 
I hope you can remember that quote when you are feeling overwhelmed.  And maybe you will message me or email me and tell me that you remembered that quote when you felt like losing it.  Hopefully we can remember it as the years pass by.  Maybe then, we will look back at our grown children and be able to say, “I got it right.”

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