The Other Side

Do you ever feel like time is standing still yet also drifting away so quickly?  I do.  It feels like it stands still in that sometimes the days are long.  I feel like I’ve been doing mom and tot classes For.Ev.Er!!!  But, it also feels like time is getting away from me so quickly; when I look in the mirror and sees laugh lines or the fact that I have 2 children when I still feel like a child.  But, today everything swirled around me in fast motion, because I watched my (almost) 3 year old daughter go from a baby to a young lady in the flash of an eye.    

I took her to the playground this afternoon with a few friends.  It was a beautiful day and the kids were playing so nicely.  I was watching my baby crawl around the blanket with her tiny little baby girlfriends when I looked up to see my toddler at the top of the jungle gym.  She found a few older girls and was chatting with them in a circle.  It was amazing to see.  A-MAZ-ING!  I watched them out of the corner of my eye when they started walking down the stairs holding hands.  “Look at them,” I said to my friend.  “They are holding hands.”  My friend said how cute it was and I agreed.  It was so freakin cute!  The little 5 year old girl was telling my little girl to follow her to the slide.  She then whispered in my daughter’s ear and my daughter threw her head back in laughter.  I was taken aback!  I really was.  I couldn’t believe that my little baby, with her low ponytail and side-swept bangs was acting like a little girl; a little girl that goes to the playground and makes friends.  Where did my little baby go who couldn’t even form sentences a year ago?  Where is the little baby that I had to follow up and down the stairs at the playground?  How is the time moving so fast? 

It scares me.  But, it also makes me happy.  In fact, I had a rush of so many different emotions.  Pride.  Joy.  Happiness.  Fear.  Contentment.  Love.   I was absolutely so proud of my daughter.  Why?  She was just being a kid; talking to other kids; enjoying the day.  But, I saw it as so much more.  I saw it as a new level.  She jumped that baby barrier and landed on the other side.  And, on the other side are things that little girls do; not babies.  I see her making lots of friends in the future.  I see her laughing with other girlfriends.  It is happening so fast.  The other side is here.  She isn’t a baby anymore.  She is a big girl.  A little lady.  And, I’m scared that I didn’t embrace it all enough.  Because, now it’s almost gone.  I hope I did.  I think I did. 

After she was done playing with the girls, she ran over to me with her arms outstretched and jumped into my arms.  And, I gave her the biggest possible hug.  I savored it.  Because I fear that it might be fleeting.  And, before we got in the car to go home, we stayed a bit and picked dandelions.  She picked one for me and one for her daddy.  And, my heart grew ten times its size.  And, I thought to myself, I couldn’t love anything more.  And then I took her hand and held it tight and said to myself…that’s my baby.