The Code

Humanity is amazing to me; the human condition in particular.  Do you ever feel like sometimes nobody wants you to succeed?  That people find happiness in other people’s struggles.  The worse off you are the bigger smile someone else has?  Sometimes I find myself thinking or feeling these things.  But then I see a piece of the human condition and it makes me rethink.  More people want you to succeed.  More people find joy in your happiness and empathize in your discomfort.  More people want what is best for you.  I think about it as my favorite high school history teacher eggs me on to keep blogging.  I think about it as I talk to my good friend Daryl; she finds such happiness and joy in other people’s good news.  I think about the stranger in Target that gives me an empathetic smile as I hold my whiney baby and tell my toddler to put back the toy for the 100^th time.  I think about the old lady sitting on the bench yesterday who tells me that my girls are delights after seeing them for .1 second.  I think about my friend Marisa who I just recently got to know; how she gives compliment after compliment about my girls without asking for a thing in return.  I think about how I would spend hours talking to another woman who had a miscarriage; doing anything to ease her pain.  I think about these people, these friends, these strangers…because all of them are moms or moms to be or moms in heart.  But whatever their story, they understand me or you or any mom better than anything.  It’s a code; the mom code.  And they say to me without saying; I’ve been there.  Or, you say it to them. And somehow, the world shrinks to the size of a pea and I’m struck with such a warm heart. 

Last night I went out to dinner for my husband’s work.  Thank goodness for the mom code because instantly you can relate.  You can commiserate together or boast about your children.  You can talk about the different stages of growth.  I heard what to expect at 5, 8, and 13.  I love hearing what other moms think about or what they expect of their children and family.  “Put them in team sports,” I heard.  “Keep the computer out of the room.”  “Snoop.”  I got bits and pieces of advice from moms who have been there already.  Gems!  Suddenly, age doesn’t matter because you have something in common.  It is amazing to feel that sense of contentment with virtual strangers.  A bond is formed; friendships are made.  And, it all starts with the mom code.

I love being in this “mom” group because you understand when another mom is sleep deprived with a newborn.  You will do anything to give someone tips to get their 8 month old child to sleep through the night.  You know when another mom needs a night out.  You see when that mom in the grocery store is about to lose it and you understand why.  You can give a stranger a weak smile when they are struggling, and you can be in awe at another mom as she carts her 4 kids around from sport to sport.  We are here, we are there, we are everywhere.  And, we get it. 

That lady in Target who gave me that smile; she didn’t even know how she made my day.  She didn’t even know that she got me through that moment.  She didn’t even realize that by giving me that nod of appreciation, she helped me be strong.  She doesn’t even know that she is a part of my life, my thoughts, my heart; because she is a mom and understands the code that binds this world together and which transcends race, language, culture, and time.