You know what is hilarious…. the fact that I wrote that last
blog, “Not a Good Look,” and then the same thing happened to me. Hilarious. Are you catching on to my sarcasm? I guess it is karma punching me in the face. Hard! Bang. I deserved
it. I shouldn’t have silently
judged that other mom. I should
have simply looked the other way and pretended not to notice. My mind should have been absolutely
blank; I mean really, who am I to tell that mom to use “love and hugs.” Do not misunderstand me; I could relate
to her frustration, but she went over the top with the shaking of her child.
My mom actually told me that she worried the same thing
would happen to me after I wrote it.
That is the way of the world.
And I really do believe in karma.
And why wouldn’t it happen to me?
I have a 3-year-old girl who is testing the limits, me, and anything
that stands in her way. She is
also realizing that her baby sister is going nowhere. What a combination??!!
So, here is a quick recap:
I was meeting friends at the pool at 9 am. I woke her up at 8 am. First mistake.
We rushed through breakfast. Second mistake.
I asked her if she wanted to bring the rest of her breakfast
in the car. She said, no, so I
didn’t bring it. Third mistake.
She played for an hour and then started crying when a little
boy took her watering can.
I got it back, but she didn’t stop.
I gave her water and offered a snack. She said no. Fourth mistake.
Crying continued.
She wanted to go home so I started packing up. She cried because she wanted me to hold
her. I was holding the baby and
the bags. She wouldn’t move. It was like the world was falling apart
because her towel kept falling off of her and I couldn’t pick her up. She just kept crying.
My friend, God Bless her, carried the baby to the car so I
could carry my 3-year-old. Phew, I
thought we made it. Was this the
end? If it was, well then, that’s
ok. But, it wasn’t.
I got home and had to put the baby for her nap. So, I told her to “hold on a
second.” Fifth mistake.
Crying and screaming ensues...escalates… and gets out of
hand. I made it worse by
yelling. But jeez…how do you get a
crying 3 year old to stop? If you
know, let me know. I did try a hug
or 2 but that DID NOT WORK. The
yelling DID NOT WORK. I know
distraction is good, but when we are past the point of no return, not an
option.
One hour later…we were out of the trenches. I felt like that mother that I talked
about in my last blog. Like her, I
was at the end of the rope. I
thought about her as I yelled at my daughter to stop crying. I thought about her as I lost my cool. I
thought about her again hours later when everything was calm. I thought about myself. I was disappointed that I let it get
out of hand.
In a way, I’m glad that this happened to me. I learned a valuable lesson. As much as I say that I don’t judge, I
of course judged that other mom during a very low point. My mom tells me that I
should talk about the highs but I wouldn’t have those highs without the
lows. In fact, it is the low
points that shape us and our children.
I messed up that one. But,
we got through it. I’m happy that
I was in my own house with all the windows closed. Shades drawn.
Haha. Just kidding. But I will remember this incident when
I see another mom completely losing her cool. I’m sorry to that mom that I judged. I hope you forgive me.
And to myself…how do I prevent myself from losing my cool
again? What do I do
differently? I guess I wouldn’t
rush through the morning. (I.e. not wake her up). I need to take more time to play with my 3 year old. (i.e.
even at the pool). I have to remember to attend to the needs of my 3 year old
sometimes before the needs of my 1 year old. (i.e. I could have fixed her problem
first before putting my other one up for a nap). I have to nip things in the bud quicker instead of letting
them escalate and get drawn out. I
have to anticipate better. I have
to live in the moment more instead of always rushing around. I have to trust my maternal instincts
when I know something is best, I have to follow through. (i.e. bring her food
in the car). It is my responsibility
to monitor their time and my temperment.
I’m glad I will get another chance at this. Like I said, we only get one chance at
life, but we are blessed to be able to get a ton of do-overs. I’ll do it again, but next time, I’ll
learn from my mistakes and try to do it better.
Yeah I don't know if you have to conform to how the 3 yr old wants it done. I'm not sure doing that would stave off the tantrums or we'd all be living lives of no tantrums as we're bossed around by our children. I'm not even sure that's a good trade off. Sometimes the tantrum works out in showing who is the boss.
ReplyDeleteI yell. I don't think I've shook but I definitely yell. Sometimes it's effective and sometimes it isn't. But they lose their cool and we lose ours. I also don't know that it's a bad thing for them to see that everyone loses their cool and to possibly feel bad for being the cause of that. I know E is very in tune to whether B and I are "happy" or not. If he suspects we aren't, especially if it's because of something he did, he's learning to either apologize or correct the behavior.
I don't think it's unreasonable for you to have her eat breakfast in the car. Hell, if I didn't do that, E would never eat. He eats half his meals in the car because I'm not willing to be late. It takes him a hour to eat four mini waffles and I don't have time budgeted for that in the morning. Just because you're a SAHM doesn't mean you have to be prisoner to leisurely breakfast eating.
I tend to ignore meltdowns now. He melts down at the pool without fail if we don't eat there. That's what we did all the time last summer. He has a memory like an elephant and expects to do that every time. Even if I bring our own food, it's the act of eating THERE he expects. He's done the screaming, crying, pulling, thrashing thing. Other moms are looking at me and I just stand there till he realizes it isn't getting him anywhere. Sometimes I say I'm leaving without him. That usually works.
But every kid is different and you do have to figure out what works for you guys...but just don't beat yourself up about judging or meltdowns. Or how you handle them. Stuff happens. You could go through the same scenario tomorrow with a different outcome. And if people judge you at those times, so be it. It's in their mind or in their gossip with friends, but you'll never know about it and it doesn't affect you. So just keep on keepin on and doing your thing!! Even if you don't do it better next time, like you said- there are tons of do-overs and no parent is perfect.