Identity Theft

I was going to talk about the role of the mother about how a woman can sometimes lose her identity as she spends her days and life catering to her children.  I was going to talk about self worth, how sometimes moms don’t feel it.  I think about my grandma.  Did she feel it?  She raised 6 children.  She didn’t have a moment to herself until she was 60.  From the minute she was married, she started the course of bearing children and raising them, one after another, after another, after another.  The house was boisterous, I am told, but filled with love, of that I’m sure.  She was home to dote on her six children.  They walked to school and came home for lunch.  They jumped out of bed at night and ran around the house.  They climbed to the roof, got into fist fights (the boys), had boy trouble (the girls) and gave my grandma a lot of stress but with that came a lot of beautiful love.  She never had a moment to herself, but I never heard her complain.  She was and is a beautiful woman. 

“Do no great things, just simple things with great love” –Mother Theresa

She did small things with great love.  She raised her 6 children well.  What an accomplishment!  My grandma didn’t have a career or a hobby.  She married the role she was in; simply.  And that is the key to happiness, isn’t it?  To marry the role you are in.  Whatever it is.  If you are a stay at home mom, do it to the best of your ability; find joy in the every day. If you are a working mom, try to balance it out.  If you are a single girl looking for Mr. Right, forget about it and just live your life. Marry where you are in life, because it is exactly where you put yourself.  Knowing it is all your own doing puts it in perspective, for sure.  But is it enough?  If we marry the role we are in, are we still growing and evolving?   And, is it enough for said mother?  Is she fulfilled?  I’m not talking about doing. I’m talking about being.  I’m talking about the inside.

So the question remains, what exactly fulfills?  Huge question, I know.  And I know there isn’t any one answer. 

I feel like people are always thinking about what else is out there.  People always want more.  But, we can get it, hold it, and look at it, but does it fill you up inside?  If it is a “thing,” probably not!  Or maybe it does.  I guess it is different for everyone.  It doesn’t take away the fact that we still need to grow on the inside.  I still want to be growing when I’m 60.  I want to explore my soul but I also want to be content in where I’m at.  Growth is an important thing for every human being.  We need to grow inside and out, constantly. 

Our children are growing and learning and understanding.  They are finding joy in the small things.  A simple voice change and they are transported to another world filled with enjoyment and imagination.  Inspiration.  They don’t have to ponder fulfillment because they are fulfilled inside.  They are too young to question it or understand it.  They simply, are.  Should we learn from them?  Can we?  Always.

I was watching my dad watch my daughter play.  He was just staring at her as she pretended she was the cat in “busy busy town.”  He said, “I can watch her all day.”  The truth is, we can learn more from our children than we can from anything else.  Because it is in them that we learn how to just be.  We can sit and just be content watching them grow.  They have the answers to all of our questions.  My children help me understand myself more.

After all that, my conclusion is simple.  Identity and fulfillment are intertwined.  My children didn’t take away my identity; they gave me a new aspect to my identity.  In actuality, my identity is growing and in that, I am being fulfilled.  I’m me, but I added “mom” and “wife” to my old identity.  Isn’t that growth?  I’m a mother and a wife, but I am myself and more. And I will also find time to be myself outside of mom and wife.  Even Wonder Woman took off her costume to be just her regular self.  She stripped off her crown and put on her regular clothes.  She didn’t always have to be wonder woman, walking around saving lives.  How exhausting??!!  Even she needed a break to just be her.

With anything, I’m hoping for balance.  And I know that balance will make me be a better mom.  After all, it isn’t about being happy when.  It is about being happy now, no matter where you are.  Be you.  Marry yourself.  Find balance.  Be happy. 

“Count your blessings, name them one by one.”