Reality Check

I had this entire post mapped out in my head.  It was going to be called, “figure it out.”  It was going to talk about how we need to let our children figure things out for themselves.  How we need to let them independently play and sleep on their own.  How we shouldn’t constantly stimulate them with our efforts, or else they will never learn how to stimulate their own minds. 

You can’t get the fruit if you don’t climb the tree, sort of thing. 

But then my daughter had a bad week.  And I realized how very much our children need us and depend on us.  How much they rely on us.  How sometimes we have to climb the tree for them, pop that fruit off the tree, and spoon feed them. 

Without boring you with too many details, my 4 year old had hives, which we thought was an allergic reaction which escalated and spread and swelled and then turned into a low grade fever, which produced migratory joint pain, which resulted in 2 ER visits over the weekend.  Scary!

When our kids are sick, it’s bad, but when we don’t know what we are dealing with, it is worse.  It gave me a reality check.  As I sat next to my daughter in her hospital bed and she cried every time I left her bed, I realized that their independence is created by being with them and teaching them when they are young, in any way we can.

I want my children to be self-sufficient and independent.  I want them to have powerful imaginations and be creative in nature.  I would love for them to find fun in an open cardboard box.  I want them to build caves with it and imaginary houses and wear it on their heads as hats.  But, how will they know how to play with that box if we don’t teach them how to play with it first.  Sometimes we have to figure it out for them.  Sometimes we have to get them started.  That is what we are here for…at least at this age.  I’m sure one day they will use these tools and soar on their own.  For now though, we need to be present and spend our time being near, playing, answering questions, and teaching. 

I don’t want to be the Mom who says, “Go play.”  I want to remember to play with them.

I don’t want to be the Mom who says, “In a minute.”  I want to put down what I’m doing to be there now.

I don’t want to be the Mom who says, “I don’t know.”  I want to find the answers for them.

I don’t want to be the Mom who says, “Go watch TV.”  I want to use it as a last resort. 

I am not perfect and I know that I will say, “go play, in a minute, and I don’t know.”  I will turn on the TV when I need a minute to pull myself together.  But the least I can do is be aware of it and try, because I want to be the Mom who tries hard to be a good Mom.  I don’t want to shove my kids to the side, I want to embrace them.  Raising children is hard and sometimes it feels impossible to keep your mental state clear.  But, we have to try for them.  We have to remember why we signed up for this.

After such a long, brutal week, I’m happy to be mostly on the other side of it.  I’m grateful for reality checks here and there to keep me in check.  Otherwise, I would forget what my job truly entails…being there for them.