The Imaginary Line

Facebook is the DEVIL in sheep’s clothing; walking along tempting and taunting; luring you with that come hither pointer finger.  Come see this…you will feel SOOOOO bad about yourself or SOOOOO good about yourself.  Yin/yang.  Wonderful/horrible.  Beautiful/Ugly.  Facebook. Thumbs up/thumbs down!

But, for stay at home moms, (GASP, yes I said it) it is our way of staying connected.  Sometimes it is the only way.

What to do?  Ignore the devil or enlighten the angel?

Last Friday, I chose to ignore.  I did an experiment.  I willed myself not to look at my Facebook app from 9:30 am until 5 pm.  “My Pseudo Work Day.”  Usually, the app stays open all day long and I hear pings as I walk along through my world.  But, I was successful, whatever that means??!  I was successful in not looking at other people putting their best selves forward for almost 8 hours.  I was successful not seeing how wonderful everyone is doing and how gorgeous their food is/kids are/job is/life seems.  Yes, success.  I did it. 

Around 9:38 am, my heart started pounding, literally out of my chest.  Why?  THAT IS A PROBLEM!  Why must I know if my neighbor gave their infant rice cereal for the first time?  WHY?  Is my old friend from work still using the ERGO?  I hope nobody announces any pregnancies while I’m gone!  I’ll never know that my second cousin’s sister is pregnant with her 4^th child.  Am I missing some funny quote from ECARDS?  I feel like I want to laugh.  So anyway, I put on Modern Family.  That made me laugh.  That’s life, right??  HA!  NO!  Get a grip.  That’s not reality either.  Must.Find.Reality!

At 11 am, I took the girls outside and it was actually a beautiful day.  The sun hit my face and I said to myself, “this is going to be a great day.”  THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!  Willpower is my middle name.  I can forget about the people and the pictures for one day.  It started getting easier.  I started to feel a sense of calm.  I played with my girls with no distractions; for once.  I took them to get cupcakes and we played outside.  They were in good moods.  I was too. 

Around 1 pm, I felt happy.  Around 3 pm, I hit a wall.  The baby went down for a nap and my other daughter wanted to rest on the couch.  Is the WALL HERE?? Well…WALL HIT!!!  Bang!  #$%&!   At 4 pm, I sat down and decided to write this. 

And here I am.  The truth is I don’t know how I feel about it.  My new year’s resolution was to simplify and I thought the best way to do that was to take away any distractions in my life.  I am EASILY distracted.  I’m a mom.  That’s my excuse.  Facebook is my number 1 distraction.  Without that distraction, I will otherwise be submerged in toddler world.  Joy, yes…reality, yes…fun, sure…fulfilling, hmmm…life, absolutely.  I know it.  I get it.  But somehow, the clock will tick away, (tick tock, tick tock), and I will find myself in DESPERATE NEED OF A DISTRACTION!  I will be desperate to be alone but with company, some sort of imaginary company; the best of both worlds.  Being alone a lot is hard.

So, now what do I do?  I am going to give myself a break.  Facebook is essential in growing my business and staying connected, but to a point!  I realize that now.  There is a line that needs to be drawn in the sand for everything in life.  It isn’t something you will trip over.  It is something that is invisible to everyone else.  But, you can see it.  You know where it is.  You can walk over that line and feel ugly feelings, or stay on the other side of it…and feel a sense of calm for yourself and your children.  I don’t need to quit Facebook, but I know that I need to look less.  And when I’m looking, I need to tell myself that this isn’t real life.  Real life is sitting next to me right now watching Max and Ruby, and she smells like heaven on a stick.  I breathe her in and I know this is my reality.  Real life is getting drinks with my friends tonight to talk about my “experiment.”  Real life is hugging and holding and kissing and squeezing.  Flesh and blood; real.  Facebook; fantasy. 

Know your imaginary line.  Will yourself to stay on the right side of it, whatever it is for.  Is it that pesky cigarette?  Is it that extra plate of mashed potatoes?  Is it someone who tempts you to do something wrong?  Whatever it is, don’t cross it.  It will only get you in trouble.  For me, it is Facebook.  And for me, I am ready to make a change.