Unspoken Truths

Motherhood is hard.  There are so many silent rules to abide by; so many unspoken truths, judgments.

If everyone just went with their gut and trusted their instincts, everything would be a heck of a lot easier that is for sure.  If most everyone accepted you for what you were, even easier.  But life is not like that.  And when something goes haywire, people are there…waiting for your actions and ready to go home and tell so and so, how they would have done it differently.  Can you believe she did that?  I would NEVER do such a thing….

Judgment.  It doesn’t end when you get your diploma senior year of high school.  It follows us everywhere.  It continues on through your 20’s, 30’s, 40’s and so on.  You know when it pops up, this ugly judgment, when you have a bad moment.  The times you feel like a failure, when you feel like you are the only one in the history of the world who has ever been in this moment.  You know people are watching your every move, ready to pounce; claws sharp. SCRATCH!

I had a moment like that the first day of school.  My 4 year old was nervous to say the least; she gave herself a wicked stomach ache from those nerves.  She was quiet about it.  But, I knew.  I tried a little reverse psychology.  You know, if your friend Olivia cries, you should try and make her feel better, ie. You won’t have a chance to cry because you will be taking care of your friend. 

Good plan?  Nope.  Well of course I dropped her off to the worst tantrum in human history.  Kicking, screaming, and flailing arms and legs, loud cries, heartbreak.  I couldn’t walk away.  I felt like the only mother in human history to have to deal with something like that, EVER.  I know I’m not.  But, I felt it.  I felt like the worst mom.  Of course my daughter isn’t flexible and adaptable.  Of course.  I’m a failure.  Deep down, I know it isn’t true.  But, I walked home crying.  I usually never cry.  But, I threw myself a really awesome, well deserved pity party, wine included.  Did the other moms judge me?  Who knows?  A few are friends and I know they didn’t, but perhaps the others?!  The truth is, I judged myself, harshly.

At the end of the day, are we are own worst critic?  As moms, we don’t need others to judge us, because we do an amazingly stellar job doing it ourselves.  Some moms will judge us.  But the good news is, we do NOT have to be friends with them.  We do not have to accept it as our truth.  We do NOT have to care.  Judgment is here to stay, it is everywhere.  And sometimes people try to expose what is wrong with you because they cannot handle what is right!  It doesn’t matter if you are a CEO, a housewife, a doctor, a lawyer, a writer, it is always there.  People will always have an opinion about others.  And some people will bring down others to make themselves feel better.  Human nature.

BUT, there is always support.  As moms, that is OUR universal unspoken truth.  Other moms will support us.  Yes, they will.  The good ones. Those are the ones we can socialize with and keep close.  Nobody is sitting on their high horse waving down at the crowd with a ‘best mom ever’ sash waving in the wind for good measure.  If they are, then I don’t think they are the best mom.  The best moms are humble.  The best moms will always be striving to do the right thing and to try and be better.  That mom on top of that horse will come crashing down the minute she realizes that she will be up there alone. 

Down here, the rest of us will have hard moments, sulk a little, and then get up the next day with renewal to try again.  We have to.  We must keep going for our children and for ourselves.  And the text messages I got from the moms who are supportive are the ones I hold dear.  And the daggers thrown at me today or in the future will be bounced off my titanium shell.  We are too old for that.  We are in this together.  We judge ourselves enough.  We, as moms, need each other.  Remember that, when you are the one that feels like a failure.  You are not alone.  There will be someone, another mom perhaps, who will lift you right up again and tell you that she will cry right there with you.  

Today I woke up to a brand new day.