Low Expectations

Everything sounds good on paper.

When I was pregnant with our first child, my husband would act all excited and pretend to throw a fake baby in the air.  I would laugh but then hesitate and say, “You know you can’t do that with a newborn.”  He would snicker and say, “of course.”  But then I would look at him with a sideways glance.  Hmmm, I wasn’t so sure he knew.  I don’t think he really knew what to do with a baby.  And, I don’t think he knew what on earth was coming. 

Fast forward to now, 2 kids later (ages 4 and 2), and we have realized that life with small kids is never what it seems.  It is harder than we thought and more mentally draining than we could have ever imagined.  We realize now, going into anything with children, is making sure you start the process with nothing more than low expectations.

I think it took a little while for my husband to understand this rule.  He would come to me, guns a BLAZING with plans.  Zoo, amusement parks, water parks, sleepovers…you name it.  “Ummm,” I would respond, “well, you see…” how can I say this?? “I’m not quite sure it would work well.” 

“How will we know if we don’t try,” he would say.  “Right.  Ok then.  Let’s try it.”  You’ll see… (Insert evil laugh here).

The Zoo – kids complained that they were tired 5 minutes into the walk.  The choo choo train wait was 10 minutes and 10 minutes too long.  The little one was scared of the animals.  “Let’s go see the bear,” I would say with fake amusement in my voice.  “I don’t want to see the bear,” my 4 year old would say.  “Mama, no bear,” my 2 year old would repeat.  “Look at those turtles, aren’t they big,” desperation in my tone, “Yes, they are too big.”  BOLLOCKS!  And why even bring a stroller.  Nobody wants to sit.  Everyone wants to run in different directions.  When I finally got my 2 year old actually IN the stroller, she wanted the umbrella up and then down, up and down… and then I put it up and her finger got caught.  We left the zoo screaming.  FAIL!

The amusement park – We traveled 3 hours to go to a place called Dutch Wonderland.  My 4 year old got scared and cried hysterically on the second ride.  And when she starts…

The waits were all 20 minutes or more.  The carousel was too fast. (Said 4-year old).  The amusement park princess had a dress that wasn’t pink enough.  Huh?  The day was too long.  The only thing my little one wanted was an ice pop.  “MAMA, ICE POP, MAMA ICE POP!” We could have done this same song and dance at home?!  My husband left the park stating, “I guess we aren’t ready for Disney.”  No.  Not ready.  “That wasn’t what I thought it would be,” he finally said.  I mentally did a cartwheel of glee but inside I wish the lesson could have been learned with a 5 minute drive. 

Plans…with kids…never go as you imagine them.  When you go in to these plans, you must know that you cannot go in to them with high expectations.  Expect freak outs.  Expect tantrums.  Expect the worst.  Then, when it goes well, it feels like the GREATEST DAY EVER!!!!  Sometimes however, it is best to skip the plans, stay home, and play with crayons and paper.  Sometimes they have the best time rolling in the grass.  Often enough, we don’t need these BIG plans to make our kids happy.  We just need to BE WITH THEM.  That seems to do the trick.  Because if we think we are going to be the ones singing, skipping, and smiling while we lick a lollipop to go see the bears, we are going to be sadly mistaken. 

Sometimes the best plans are the plans that involve little planning.  Those moments that we find mediocre are actually the moments that are shaping their childhood.  Playing with the hose for an hour while we clap…sitting at the table talking about the best parts of our day…laying on the floor in our dining room, side by side looking up to see rainbows reflected on the ceiling.  These are the happiest moments.  No money involved.  No long 3 hour trips.  Just us.  No expectations.