When I was pregnant for the first time and registering, I
was talking to a friend who already had a baby and she laughed when I didn’t
know what a snap N go was. “Hahaha,” she
laughed, “it’s a stroller.” Well, it
sounded like some sort of easy diaper contraption to me. How am I supposed to know?! I also didn’t know I needed to get a bumbo
seat. Why? And why do I need 3 different strollers? Confusing.
It takes a while, to get the groove. I mean, I didn’t know what I was doing at
first. Swaddling never happened with my
first one. I remember handing her over
to my mother for help and she was in a t-shirt and diaper at like 8 days
old. My mom was like, “she is probably
freezing,” and I was like, “but its summer.”
And she responded, “But the air conditioning is on and she was just
born.” Oh. Ok. “let
me find some pants.”
Sometimes being a mother is counting down the minutes to bed
time and sometimes it is not. Sometimes
it is lying with your 3 year old daughter because she wants you to, even when
it isn’t your turn to put her to bed.
Sometimes you do it because you are her mother. That is what mother’s do. That is what my mother did for me. I cannot forget that, even when I want to go
downstairs and catch up on General Hospital.
See, I think you grow into motherhood. You have growth spurts along the way; like
losing your temper when she doesn’t listen.
But then realizing that she is tired and hungry and so then you keep
your calm. Or trying to make sure she
uses the potty before we leave, but then realizing that you cannot force
anything with a child, and letting her go when she needs to go. (on the side of the parkway in the back of
the car on a potty seat). Sometimes I
think it is letting them play independently at the park and sometimes it is
singing to them while they swing. And as
they move their heads from side to side, you realize that is what mother’s
do. They sing and swing. You do it because you want to and because you
are their mother and that is what they need at the moment. That is what makes them happy and so that is
what makes YOU happy too.
I’m growing into motherhood.
I’m realizing my place.
Growing into motherhood is finding your inner “mom” voice;
not the screaming one…the quiet delicate one.
The one my mother has. The one
that scares away the monsters, kisses boo-boos and sings them to sleep. The one I’m sure I’ll keep searching and
finding and grasping as I grow up and as my kids grow as well.
I felt it last night.
When my husband was reading to my 3 year old in bed and I laid there
next to her and listened. She kept
turning to me and asking, “did you hear that part Mommy? What do you think will happen next?” I would have missed that if I would have told
her to go up alone with daddy for bedtime.
I would have missed her elation at my presence in bed with them. I would have enjoyed my alone time but now I
know, I will never get that moment back.
That is realizing motherhood.
I’m growing as my little ladies grow and I’m learning along
the way…
Happy Mother’s
Day
…to all the mothers and the Mom’s to be. May you continue to find your voice, trust
your instincts, and appreciate all that you already are.
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