Pay It Forward

Yesterday morning was my toddler’s last day of school and we had it at the park. I was talking to another mom who has 4 kids.  Yes, 4!  I said to her, “that is your whole life; your children.  That must be so hard.  Do you ever get time?”  And she looked me square in the eyes and said to me, “thank you for saying that.”  I smiled at her warmly.  She seemed a little flustered and then she continued, “sometimes people don’t understand why I can’t drop everything and meet them somewhere.”  She was looking for something.  Understanding.  Well, she got it from me.  I can’t imagine 4 kids and I cannot imagine how hard it is.  “Well today,” she finished, “I blow dried my hair and I feel good.”  God Bless her!  And I said, “God Bless you.”   There was no competition between us.  We talked; we shared; we understood.  It was a nice moment.   

This morning, I went to the store and an older lady (probably around 68 or so) asked me if I had children and how old.  I said, “Yes, I have 2.  One of them is almost 3 and the other is 9 months.”  --“God Bless you honey,” she said to me.  Ahhh…that felt good.  4 little words and they worked magic.  Somehow I felt like someone paid it forward to me.  I gave that same compliment yesterday and I know it affected that mom.  And today, just when I needed it, she gave it to me.  Understanding.  I smiled and thanked her. 

This afternoon I got a call from my toddler’s allergist.  I found out that along with dairy, eggs, peanuts, strawberries, and sesame, she is also allergic to gluten and soy.  I was distraught.  Beside myself.  I still am.  I’m exhausted from thinking of new things to feed my child.  And now, there really isn’t much she can have.  I don’t know what to do.  I am sad.  I texted my friend about it and she instantly came by to drop of a treat for me so that I could feel better.  What did I do to deserve this kind of friendship and empathy?  When things like this happen, I can’t help but feel inspired to do it for someone else.  To pay it forward.  To give another mom who is distraught; a lift.  To really, truly be there for others and listen and identify with them.  After all, isn’t that why we are here?  To help one another.    

The last blog I wrote kind of sparked something inside me.   A friend made a comment about how hard it is to be a mother and how competitive women are with each other.  I regarded that comment; thought about it; and determined how true it felt.  Sometimes, this is truly, truly the case.   It is hard to be a mom these days. It’s competitive and worrisome.  My mom always told me, from the moment I gave birth to my first daughter; do not compare your baby to other babies and do not compare yourself to other moms.  Ok; that is like telling me not to breathe; be human.  I will try; I will fail.  I will try again.  And so on, and so forth….. –Sometimes it is easy and sometimes it is hard.  It is easy when I have moments like these.  These women truly made me feel wonderful.  When things like this happen, I forget about that mom who laughed at me during a bad tantrum moment.  I forget about anybody who ever made me feel like less of a mom.  I forget about the competition, the judgment, the differences and think about the similarities and the goodness.  Let’s focus on that!

So, even though it is hard to be a mom today; to figure out the rules in this crazy game of motherhood; to wonder if you are doing anything right; to keep going when you feel judgment.  Know this…there are other moms out there who will do everything they can to lift you up; to listen; to have compassion.  They will be your rocks during this process and they will nourish your head and your heart enough to make you want to give back.  They will make you feel that whenever you get a chance to do it, you will.  And that is how you pay it forward…