My toddler started drinking from a regular cup with
breakfast. She was tired of the sippy
straw cup and I started worrying about the bacteria in those straws. So, she started drinking and then chugging
from her big girl cup. Sitting in the
regular chair, eating her breakfast, and drinking from a cup. Almost 3 years old. Amazing.
A regular little girl. She took a
big long sip and then turned those eyes toward me. I smiled and nodded and clapped. She wanted acceptance. She got it from me.
But that’s easy, right?
I mean, of course my daughters will get approval and acceptance from
me.
What about everyone else?
Why do we have this innate need for people’s approval? I worry about it for my girls as they grow
up. What if someone hurts them? What if they don’t feel accepted by everyone
else? It is such a lonely place. How do we keep them safe and guarded but also
let them flourish in this judgmental, hard-to-please world? How do we make sure they don’t ever feel unaccepted
and alone?
There are times that I can be surrounded by a crowd of
people and feel alone. Maybe I have a
day where I make a joke and that person just doesn’t get it. And then I don’t feel accepted. Or maybe I’m just not connecting to an old
friend I’ve had and known forever.
Perhaps, I’m sitting somewhere surrounded by people who I’ve known for
years…and feel like I’m not a part of the group. What if I’m snubbed by someone for no reason? What if I’m putting myself out there…and don’t
get a thing in return…from people who know me well? What then?
This human need for acceptance never ends. It starts young. We fight through it as we grow. We long to be a part of something bigger. A group.
A family. A circle of
friends. A community. Other moms.
We want to feel accepted, connected, appreciated…loved.
It never goes away, this need. My
10 month old is seeking it. My toddler
is seeking it. I’m seeking it. We seek it.
We want it. We crave it. Do we give it?
So, what now?
What on earth do we teach our children and how do we carry
these lessons to our own lives? I guess
we show them unconditional love and approval.
We give it to them wholeheartedly.
I guess we need to give ourselves the same things…unconditional love and
approval, even if we aren’t the leader of the group or a central person in a
circle of friends. It’s ok.
We need to tell our children that, although we have an
innate to seek approval from others, we have to make ourselves happy, first;
because if we are happy, the
rest falls into place. And,
as long as we are good people and care and accept others, the goodness and
acceptance will by easy to find….it will pump love into our hearts and make
them full, fluffy, and real. We need to
keep our eyes wide open. Because
it’s there. It is everywhere!
We have to tell our children that it is ok if someone doesn’t
accept them or give them approval for something they did. Because someone else will be there with a
pure heart to make up for it. We have to
tell ourselves the same; that there will be people who aren’t afraid to give it
away for nothing; just because they are good.
But, we need to do the same.
Because, I want to teach my daughters to be good. To give it away. To compliment others. Accept.
In the end, I don’t want my girls to seek approval from
others; I want them to already
have it. Hopefully, they will
be so filled up that it will be easy for them to dish it out. And, if they don’t
get it back in return, that’s ok….because they will get it back from me tenfold; and I from them….and in the
end…that is all that matters, right??!!
This morning I was getting ready and my toddler came up to
me and said,
“Ooohh pretty shirt mommy.
Pretty necklace. I love you
sooooo much mommy. You are so pretty”
Oh my god. My
daughter …she’s got it…all
on her own. She is so good…so pure. And I’m so lucky. Because it cost her nothing; took no effort; she was herself
and she was sooo sweet and beautiful and perfect. And all my thoughts about acceptance and
feeling alone just drifted away….
And I hugged her tight and said, “So are you”
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