The Enlightened Sun

Last week, my husband and I went away on vacation without the kids.  So no it was not a business trip, it was truly a vacation; a face in the sun type of vacation.  A “let’s get breakfast at 11 because we can,” type of vacation.  We recharged.  When I returned, I stopped giving my kids the death glare.  You know that look, eyes like slits with the furrowed brow as you get demanded “MORE MILK MAMA!!”  This is what vacation does; it allows you to take a long, easy breath while lazily walking, easily laughing, and sleeping as you wish; nobody making demands.  Heaven!  Hello?  Find time.  Make time.  It allows us to appreciate the daily grind when we get away from it for a little while.

When I sat poolside, I watched everyone but mostly, I watched the families.  I watched them all day and all night.  I saw a mom grind her teeth while she told her son to “stop splashing his sister.”  I saw toddlers running by with moms begging them to “WAIT!”  I giggled and opened my 770 page book…”Oh, I’ve got the time for this.”  I was LOVING not being them.  I also saw a dad throwing his daughter up in the air in the pool as they laughed (cute and fun) and I saw a mom holding a banana in one hand and a sippy cup in the other, squatting in her tankini (not appealing).  I smiled and then I did a handstand in the water.  FREEDOM!

Later that night at dinner, I watched a mom dancing with her 7 year old daughter to calypso music at a cute restaurant with white lights flickering all around.  Magical.  How I know that her daughter will never forget that.  I won’t forget that image either.  It brought tears to my margarita induced heavy-lidded eyes.  “Cheers, a toast to them,” I said and laughed.  I appreciated every image.  I respected them.  But, none of them made me wish my children were there.  I’m just being honest.  I was happy to be away with my husband.  I know we deserved it.  We all do.

You know what conversation always comes up when we are away from the kids…the 3^rd kid.  We can talk this thing to its death.  For real.  Remember when I wrote, “Limitless,” and I talked about knowing our limits; what we can and can’t handle.  Being away, it made me realize how lucky I am with what I have.  And as I heard my 2 year old on the other end of the line say, “more yogurt please,” over and over as I got an update from my mom, I realized that right now, I’m at mine.  “Gosh, she is 2,” my mom said.  Yes she is.  Terrible and 2.  Even her teachers had to ask my friend, “Umm, when is Noreen coming back?”  I laughed but I knew…I’ve hit my limits in terms of children at this point in my life.  Can it change?  Possibly.  But, not right now.  And as the time ticks away, I’m not sure it ever will.  It is hard work.  It is wonderful and hard, wonderfully hard.  Being away helped me gain clarity about it.  I am so happy with my place right now.  Why would I change that?  Why do we do that?  Why do we insist on rocking the boat just as we get to smooth waters?  Why can’t we allow ourselves to breathe through life just as we breathe through vacation?  Deep slow breaths of peace.

We made friends with a family of 4; tight knit and fun.  Happy go lucky.  We got to talking and I asked her why she didn’t “go for the third.”  How rude, right?  I know, but I had a few mudslides under my belt so whatever.  “I regret it now,” she said.  “Why?”  I needed to know why she regretted it when she created such a wonderfully close family.  I loved their dynamic.  “Because I like to be needed,” she said.  “I like people to need me.”  Interesting.  When she left, I looked at my husband and he looked at me.  “Well, that’s not you,” he said.  Indeed.  I definitely do not like to be needed.  In fact, I do a back flip every single time one of my kids can do something for themselves.  “You got dressed by yourself…YES!”  Backflip.  “You don’t need me to spoon feed you anymore….Hallelujah!!!”  Backflip.  I like independence.  I always have.   I want my children to be independent and I want to feel that independence as well (in small doses at least).  I turned back to my book and flipped the page (pg. 412).  Not bad.

I’ll never close the door on anything in my life, ever.  But, I will be aware of what I want in each moment.  And I will also allow myself to change my mind.  After all, we are ever-evolving humans.  We want what we want when we want it. And, we have a chance to make it happen, whatever that is.  For me, I realized what I want in my life at this moment…

Are you trying to make a decision?  Make it during a happy moment, not a miserable one.  Make it when you are at peace with yourself.  Only then will you know if it is right.

It is easy to obtain clarity when you are away from the situation. 

It is easy to appreciate your life when you have a little distance from it. 

It is easy to understand yourself better, when you understand what you want for yourself.

It is easy to see the light, when you have the sun in your face.

Happy Spring!

 

Badge of Honor

The other day I was on the phone with my dad.  He asked me, “What’s new?”  “Well,” I responded, “I’m reading a book called The Power of Now.  I’m trying to find my center.” 

I literally haven’t heard my dad laugh like that in a while.  I laughed too because I like being funny without trying.  It is nice to get a reality check sometimes.  “Well, let me know when you do,” he said.  Oh I will.  Actually he will know because I’ll always be smiling.  I don’t like when my 2 year old looks at me and points and says, “Grumpy Mama!”  “IT’S THE WINTER,” I snip back.  Gosh!   

How do I smooth out these permanent frown lines between my eyebrows??  It has been a long one.

Anyway, I think so many things have changed since we were young.  I’m not sure if our Grandma’s tried to ‘find their center.’  My grandma just had a bunch of children (6).  I don’t think they thought of these things.  They truly didn’t have time to think of what in fact ‘centered’ them.  Back then, center meant the middle of a circle. Right?  It was simple for them.  Moms were better if they sacrificed everything. Period.  I feel like maybe we were trained to believe that, even now.  SELF-SACRIFICE=BETTER MOM.  They wore it like a badge of honor.  Not now.  Now, everything is different.  We, as moms, are on the path to being whole women.  We have hobbies, we work, we read, we think, and we find time for ourselves.  We are doing more, being more, becoming more…

Not to take anything away from our grandparents.  They truly didn’t need anything more.   But, the world is different now.   It is ok to want more.

The truth is this; we are more than just the one thing, Mom.  Some might say that this is all we should be.  Those are the ones who are threatened by it.  Because there is nothing wrong with being more than one thing.  Being a mom does NOT define us.  Being a wife does NOT define us.  Everything we are, defines us.  I want my kids to see me in my work-out clothes, running out the door and down the block with my headphones on.  I want them to catch a glimpse of me at the computer.  I want them to see someone walk through my front door fitter and stronger because I helped them.  I want them to know there is a lot that they can be.  I want them to want it.     

This isn’t just for women though.  This is for everyone.  My husband just joined a softball league.  He practiced last Saturday afternoon.  It was a sunny day and he was gone for half of it.  While he was gone, my daughter decided to poop her underwear.  MOTHER OF…

But, I’m glad he is doing what he needs to do.

I just threw her in the bath and smoothed out my eyebrow wrinkles with lotion.

Stuck my badge on my heart and moved on. 

A few weeks ago, I wrote a letter to my husband apologizing for forgetting to be a wife sometimes, which I stand by.  Sometimes however, I feel as if I should be writing a letter to myself, to us…all moms.  A reminder.  We need to tell ourselves to go a little easy on us.  We are only one person.  We only have 2 hands.  We are only human. 

Dear Us,

I’m sorry that you feel like you are walking uphill without a rope sometimes.  I know it is hard to be everything to everyone. It’s not possible and it is ok if you cannot.   You are not selfish if you take time for yourself.  You should not feel guilty if you crave and desire your own hobbies and interests.  You are one person and if you let things slip through the cracks, it is only natural.  The only thing that matters is if you try and do your best as a mom, as a wife, and as a person.  Keep trying.  Keep going for what you want.  Remember that you are teaching your children how to be whole by being whole yourself.  Instead of wearing self-sacrifice like a badge of honor, we should be wearing self-love as a badge of honor.  Wear it proud.  Show it off.  Be whole.  Be more.  Keep Going.     

Love,

Me

Let It Go

As a mom, do you spend too much time feeling guilty when we you take time to yourself?  Do you rush through the gym because you feel like you HAVE to get home to the fam?  That mom guilt is overrated.  It’s time.  It’s your turn.

One reason (among many) the movie Frozen got it right, the song “Let it go.” 

Are you signing it in the shower?  I am.  It is my new mantra!  And as I sing it, I believe I am teaching myself and my children all about this beautiful feeling, the capability of letting it all go.

As Moms, isn’t this the hardest thing to do?  Maybe we are having a bad day and yell a little more than usual.  Maybe you are deciding mid-SCREAM that you cannot GET THROUGH SLEEP TRAINING!!! Are you 60 years old and now regretting being an absentee parent? 

Are you like me?  Sometimes I lie in bed and regret the choices I’ve made that day.  I chide myself.  Oftentimes, I even tell my husband when he gets home that I was a “terrible mom” today.  It is hard to let go of things we’ve said to our children; things we’ve done, the actions we took.  Why did we lose our patience?  What made us yell in the moment?  Why does it seem as though we are completely missing the mark? 

Why can’t we let it go?

And then what happens?  We get discouraged and we act accordingly.  Maybe I’m already in the black hole so instead of climbing and clawing out one death grip at a time, I stand there, frozen…unable to move toward the light, toward peace.  My chiding becomes my inner dialogue.  “I can’t.  I’m not.  I won’t.”  I make myself believe that I am not good enough.  But as parents, we cannot do that; as people we can’t.  There is another way.

I’ve spoken before about a mother’s need for perfection.  Yes of course we want everything to be perfect.  Why wouldn’t we?  The truth is we cannot be perfect.  Nothing is perfect.  What we must do is accept who we are, own our mistakes, and then let them go.  We need to be enlightened!  We need to give ourselves a moment to own whatever mistake we might have made and then move right on, onward and upward. 

Where are we going? 

We are moving toward perfect harmony, and that only comes when we ACCEPT OUR TRUE SELVES!  Accept the way that we are as moms.  “That perfect girl is gone.  Here I stand, in the light of day”  When we release that idea of perfection, our true selves come barreling out…and guess what…we are pretty wonderful.   “Let the storm rage on…” around us.  Let other people try to tell us how to do it better.  Let them try and tell us we are not good enough, whoever they are.  Let them just try!!!  But, we won’t bite.  We know how to own ourselves and let everything else go.  Our inner dialogue should be singing our own praises!  We should be singing the words with all of our might!!!!

And if you aren’t there, get there.  It is all about your mindset. 

“It’s funny how some distance makes everything seem small.  And the fears that once controlled me can’t get to me at all” 

Isn’t that what Elsa did?  She took her life into her hands, embraced her powers, decided without doubt to be herself, and put the past behind her; she let it go.  And then she built a really kick-ass castle.  What a powerful thought.  She let it go and then she built something wonderful.  What are you building?  A Family?  A business?  An empire? 

“It’s time to see what I can do.  To test the limits and break through”

We can do that.   

I went and saw a motivational speaker a few weeks ago, a man named Jeff Combs.  He spoke about being able to be objective, to evaluate and see a situation for what it is.  He talked about reasons why we can be sensitive and defensive.  Most of all, he talked about letting it go.  Let go of doubt, let go of the pain from your past, let go of the guilt, and let go of the “control you feel to be out of control.”  Does that make sense to you?  It honestly took me a good 5 minutes to comprehend that.  Let go of this mindset you might be feeling of being out of control.  I have been there.  Too much laundry.  Kindergarten registration.  HOW ON EARTH AM I GOING TO GET 2 MONTHS OF PSE&G BILLS BY TOMORROW??  How will we get it all done? 

I’m still working on it.  But as he says, feeling out of control is a mindset.  Get your world under control.  Start one thing at a time, one moment at a time.  Start now.  Let go of the past and move forward.  You are worth it.

Look, I’m not spiritual leader.  But, I am trying to be a better mom and person.  I am getting addicted to growing as a human being.  I hope you will come on this journey and grow with me.  Together, we will all find happiness, uncover our true selves, and in the end we will be better moms and people.  It all starts when we listen to Elsa.  She knows the truth.  Sing it Elsa!  Sing it sisters!

“Standing frozen in the life I’ve chosen.  You won’t find me; the past is all behind me.”

 

Magical Mom

I know I complain sometimes.  I know that I talk about the reality of motherhood a lot.  I know that sometimes it isn’t pretty.  That is because I know it’s hard.  You know that too.  Maybe I just want to connect to other moms.  Maybe I want to find humor in the hardship.  But sometimes, what I fail to talk about is what I know is in all of our hearts all the time…the magic.

Sometimes I think it is amazing that mothers hold a little magic in their hands at all times.  The other day, I was leaving the house.  I was walking out and both my girls were running after me, (the little one in tears) and I smiled, closed the glass door, and blew fog onto the other side of it.  I made smiley faces and hearts all over the door.  They just stood there, amazed at the magic I was creating through the glass, i.e., nothing special to any of us.  Anyway, I waved and they waved back and started blowing their own fog on the window and making hearts and smiley faces (with huge smiles on their own faces).  No more tears.  I got into my car, pulled out and saw them standing at the door; I smiled to myself.  How easy?!  How magical to them!

They’ve got something we need.

They are able to see the magic in the mundane. 

Every night I sing to my daughter.  She wants me to sing the “Ariel song”…you know…”Look at this stuff, isn’t it neat, wouldn’t you think my collection complete.”  And I mean, I sing it.  I’m a HORRIBLE singer but I sing the crap out of it.  I close my eyes and act like I am some sort of pop singer on her stage (my real dream in life).  My little one LOVES it.  My older one listens at the door too.  To them, I must have the most magical, gorgeous voice because the little one asks for it…every.single.night.  I am more than happy to comply.  It is 5 minutes that I feel like I am soooo good at something I know I am soooo bad at.  “Mama, you sound like Ariel!!!”  The tables have turned.  It is such magic for me.  Such joy for her.  (Until she screams “NO NIGHT NIGHT”—every single time!!!)  ZAP!

Life is in brilliant COLOR for them.  There are no gray February skies in their world.  No snow storms and shoveling.  They see magical bright white flakes sparkling from the sky.  They hear beautiful magical musical voices.  They see enchantment. 

We need to see that too. (Especially when we are shoveling 14 inches of compact ice)!!!

I know we are here to teach our children right from wrong.  I know we are supposed to get them ready for the “rules” of life.  But sometimes I can sit here quietly and let them teach me.  Sometimes I know I need to let them teach me how to laugh more and see more magic.  I know I can learn more from them than I did in high school, college, or even grad school.  I am learning to see the magic inside myself, by seeing the magic they see in me.  When I sing, when we dance together to Rhianna, when I blow fog on the door, when I make a side braid like Elsa, when I make toast just perfectly with just the right amount of butter, when I color a rainbow…all these ordinary things.  I am learning to see the magical aspects of them that have otherwise been lost to me.  I am starting to understand that being a mom is so much more than teaching right and wrong, getting them ready for school and making their meals.  It is about loving ourselves and our children; it is about finding joy in the uninteresting as they do; it is about magic and love. 

I just asked my 4 year old what the most magical thing about me is.

She came over to me and gave me the biggest hug.  She said, “That…hugs.”  There is nothing ordinary about that.  In fact, it was the most magical thing I have ever heard. 

Strength in Numbers

Isn’t it true that we all just want to fit in?  We want to be part of something bigger than ourselves but to be able to BE ourselves in the group; to be unique in our own right.  To have others accept us for who we are, whether we are quirky, silly, funny, authoritarian, quiet, loud, faithful, faithless, open, happy, etc…

We want to be ourselves but we want to fit it.

I take a dance class every Tuesday and Thursday evening.  I really love it.  I am only about 5-6 classes in.  I’m still learning the routines.  Everyone else has been coming for years.  They know each other and all the moves, hip sways, hand motions, and side-steps.  I’m pretty quick at learning the steps but I’m brand new so I’m still catching on.  Before class, they all sit in a circle together and chat.  I kind of stand on the outside of the group.  It is so funny that even at my age, I feel like I wish I could be sitting in the group also.  I mean, they are MUCH younger than me.  My mom laughed when I told her.  “Oh Noreen.”  “What?  I wouldn’t mind sitting and chatting before class.”  My mom’s advice was not to get to class early.”  Ha!!  I mean look…I’m completely ok with it and comfortable in standing alone.  But, of course we always want to feel a part of something.  Why wouldn’t we?  Nobody wants to be the one who is standing alone. 

Have you seen or “liked” the facebook page, “Happy Birthday Colin.”  It has over 2 MILLION ‘Likes’ on facebook.  It is about a boy who is turning 11 who didn’t want a birthday party because he said he doesn’t have any friends.  He eats lunch alone in the office every day.  His mom created a fan page to send him positive thoughts and messages to make his birthday special.  As I write this through tears, I know that he is going to have the most beautiful birthday ever.  All because of one fact, there is strength in numbers. 

I really think it is amazing what the power of positivity can do.  It can move mountains.  More importantly, it can crush negativity.

As a parent, you pray to God that your child is not the one who eats alone or stands on the outside of the group.  But, I guess we cannot control that.  What we can control is a way to combat the negativity, just as Colin’s mom did. She found a way; a mother always finds a way! 

We as parents can find a way to teach our children not to be the bullies, but to be the ones who unite with others against the negativity of our world.  And if nobody is standing up for good, we need to teach our children to be the ones who stand up alone and say, “you can eat with me,” or “come sit with us.”  Our children need to be confident enough to stand out against everyone else (the haters) and do the right thing, despite any backlash they may receive.  And I guess we also have to teach our children to be strong enough if we have to sit alone.  There are always people who love us; that our family will always accept us.

I know it is easy for me to say this.  I lived through middle school and high school.  I know that the world is vast; it is bigger than the hallways of our schools.  It goes beyond the end of our neighborhood street.  I know that now.  I can say this though, those feelings don’t completely dissipate.  They always linger somewhere, even if it is just a passing thought.  They are there.  We all need connections.  But in middle school, that is all we know.  Those feelings are big and encompassing.  So, we (as parents) have to remember this as we move through our daily life.  We have to consistently remind our children to be nice to everyone, even the little boy who sits alone.  We have to.  We need to.  Do not forget it. 

When I tried to teach this to my 2 year old, she responded, “POOPY!!!!”  I mean, I couldn’t help but burst out laughing.  A little premature, yes??!  But, it didn’t fall to deaf ears with my 4 year old.  She said she will try to talk to the little girl in her class who doesn’t speak or smile.  I said, “Yes, try every single day.  Even if she isn’t smiling on the outside, I’m sure she is smiling on the inside because someone is trying!”

Colin’s life is about to change and I am so happy for him and his family.  His mom proved there is strength in numbers.  And, we are doing a pretty good job at teaching people to be kind and inclusive.  But, let’s also think about all the other boys and girls sitting alone.  They don’t have 2 million “likes” on facebook.  They are just moving through their life, trying to find a connection; they are hoping to find friends who understand them and want to sit with them.

It starts and ends with teaching the right thing to the youth!  Have a conversation with your children.  Tell them to be inclusive and accept others for who they are.  TEACH THEM TO BE BRAVE!  Plant the seed, let it grow, and maybe one day, nobody will have to eat alone. 

Here is Colin’s page.  Give it a like.  Send him a happy birthday wish!

https://www.facebook.com/#!/Coliniseleven

Little and Insignificant

If I get elbowed in the boob one more time, I might officially lose it.

My husband always says, “People have been having kids since the beginning of time.”  In other words, I don’t want to hear about the fact that you are getting elbowed.

“Yes but were they all elbowed in the boob 100 times a day, or is that just me?”  Is every Mom getting elbowed there?  I mean, I cannot picture those cavewomen getting elbowed as they tell their kids to go pick up the rocks, but that is just my opinion.  It is the most annoying thing.  It must be this weather.  We are trapped inside trying to barrel through the days indoors. The snow and ice is covering our grounds and our SOULS!!!!!  The ice won’t thaw and my kids won’t stop climbing on me all day long and elbowing me as they get comfortable.  The Perfect Storm!  (Insert the sound of thunder)

I’m glad you are comfortable?! –That is what I say to myself as they lay all over my body.

We all have our own daily struggles.  But, I will not let mine drown me.  They are trivial; getting elbowed, hearing whines, battling doll fights; meeting demands…little and insignificant.  I am blessed for that.  I guess I have to look at it that way.  Otherwise, I will focus on the uncomfortable elbowing as something of great consequence and that is when the little things can drown me.  I’ll want to scream and shout about it and then what does my life become when I am harping about something like that?! 

Can you believe I am getting elbowed every single day by my beautiful little daughters? 

Who would I become?!  Someone unworthy of them…

I’m trying to slowly teach my daughters about this concept as I remind myself.  The concept that little and insignificant problems of life do not matter much.  We cannot focus on them.  We have to focus on the bigger picture of life.  Right?  With that, knowing when to walk away and realizing how to choose our battles is how we cope.

My 4 year old came up to me this morning and said, “My doll is missing a shoe.”  So.  “Can you still play with her,” I asked?  “Yes, but…”  “Yes, you can.  Take off the other shoe and go play.”  If we make a little non-issue like that a big deal, how will they cope with the bigger things throughout life?  We are setting them up.  Will they even be able to cope throughout life as they try to find their way?  I think it could create more problems for them.  A little thing becomes a big thing.  OH MY GOD, A MISSING SHOE…HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY PLAY WITH IT?  WE MUST FIND IT!!”  No, they need to be able to brush certain things aside as insignificant.  And also, I am not going to search an hour for a needle in a haystack.  (Coming soon, how to de-clutter my house)

And then I have to remind myself to apply the same concept in my own life.  Last week, a friend said something to me that offended me.  It was completely a joke but at the same time, it was completely unnecessary. I know in my heart that it meant nothing.   It was both little and insignificant.  So, I chose to brush it aside.  It actually happened 2 times last week by 2 different people.  I chose to brush both comments aside.  I chose not to talk about it with anyone.  I did not allow it to influence the opinion I have of myself or of them.  It does not affect the bigger picture; our friendship. 

By understanding the difference and weighing our options, we can decide what is most significant to us. 

Health, well-being, bullying, family, name-calling, hitting, biting, friendships, happiness…all significant!

A meaningless comment, a missing shoe, an uneaten sandwich, marker on the pillow, who gets the Ariel doll first, getting elbowed in the boob…all insignificant. 

Women have been having babies and being Moms since the beginning of time, yes.  But, there is only one you and each child is unique and special, and each child comes with their own bags of both significant and insignificant concerns.  Knowing the difference is half the battle.  And teaching our children which is which, that is our job.  They follow our lead.

Good luck out there Moms!  I hope you have insignificant problems today!

Speed Bumps

A note to my husband

I’m sorry.  That is the first thing I want to say to you; actually it is the only thing.  I’m so sorry.  I’m sorry for being a mom.  I’m not sorry for having children, I’m sorry for having to be a mom first.  Nobody tells you that being a mom will be all encompassing.  Nobody tells us that being a wife takes a backseat for a little while.  Nobody says we might have to weather the storm because of it.  Nobody tells us how to do it.  But, we always do and we always will.  So, I’m sorry.  I’ve made mistakes.  I’ve forgotten at times, how to be a wife. 

I admit, sometimes it is hard to always remember to put in that effort.  That is why we need reminders; why we fell in love and where it all started.  It started with me and you.  I’m sorry.  I promise to try and be both (a wife and mother) at the same time, in the same thought, and of the same place.  I will always try.  But please don’t ever forget that I love you if I can’t be all of that at once.  And please forgive me every day.

All my Love,

Noreen

Yesterday, I was driving my children all around creation dropping off and picking up from school, etc.  When we got home around 3:30, I had a friend’s 4 year old daughter at my house too; 3 little girls and paint.  Needless to say, things got a little out of control.  Around 4:30, I was googling how to get crayon off the walls. (Nail polish remover and a paper towel).  From 4:47-4:50,(I remember because I had to look at the clock 45 times) my 2 ½ year old was sitting in a time-out, crying, and my daughter and her friend were making paint “milkshakes” and things were dripping and dropping and I was losing it!!!!!!!!  CHAOS!!!  But, guess what…that is life.  That is kids.  It isn’t easy.  It takes patience, all of our patience.  All the patience we were born with…everything that we are and everything that we have.  It only takes all of that, right?!  It only takes EVERYTHING!!  No biggie.

But, it is a biggie.  It is a big deal.  It is everything we are.  Sometimes it has to be the only thing.

Maybe our husbands and significant others get it?  And maybe they don’t?!  If they don’t, it is ok.  How can they possibly understand?  It is absolutely impossible to understand what it is like to be a mother.  We want them to, so badly.  But, unless they walk 100 miles in our shoes and switch their hearts with ours, it cannot happen.  What we DO need is a teammate.  Simple.  We just need to see the same light at the end of the tunnel; one direction.

And then I remembered…I got that.

After my long day, I went to the gym which started the process of easing my mind.  Then, I came home and sat on the couch with my husband.  Sometimes I feel like getting into deep conversations with him, talking about inspiration and the point of life, etc.  (What can I say, I’m a writer).  He patiently listened and responded, talking about how crazy these years are but how different our lives will be in a few years and beyond that.  I talked about what inspired me at the moment and what didn’t.  He listened.  He responded.  I talked about the people in my life I treasured.  He agreed.  I talked about how much I’ve changed.  And does he still love this me?  He does.  I talked and talked.  He listened and listened.  After 8 weeks of sleepless nights, I finally slept through the night, soundly.  Yes, I’ve got it. 

My husband and I just celebrated 16 years since the first time we met and it has made me reflect on us.  We have had so many highs and lows.  We’ve made mistakes, survived major loss, and watched the people we love go through heartache.  But, we will always weather the storm, together.  We just will.  We just have to, because I have a teammate.  I know that when I have a good moment, I want to tell him and when I am going down, only he can save me.

And I know now what I knew then; we are both looking the same way. We are looking in the same direction, toward our future.  The speed bumps of marriage are only that, speed bumps…they give us a little jerk and shake every once in a while but then we know after that, we are in for a smooth ride. 

This is life.  And if we are blessed to share it with someone we love, we are that much luckier.