Too much (12/2/14)

On Monday, my doctor told me that my placenta looks like it is 2 pieces.  It might be attached by a thin bridge but they aren’t sure.  They can’t really tell.  They also cannot tell where the umbilical cord inserts into my placenta.  Is it the thinner part or the thicker part?  They don’t know.  “What are the risks of this,” I asked.  “The biggest risk is to make sure the baby keeps growing and thriving inside.”  They gave me worst case scenarios, of course.  Because why not make my heart thump in my ear.  When I started tearing up, they told me not to.  “She is growing lovely right now,” they said. 

Yes but…

They told me to come back in 5 weeks.  As I cried out the door and to my house, my friend put it in perspective for me.  “They must not be that worried if they are waiting 5 weeks to check again.”  You know what, that’s true.  She has been growing perfectly fine for the last 6 months.  There is no reason why she shouldn’t continue on this path.  I know they have to watch everything, but sometimes I feel like it is all too much.  Too much information.  It just adds an extra layer of worry on my heart.  It burdens me.  It would be nice to feel burden-free for once this pregnancy.

March, I’m coming for you.

Nothing ever goes as planned.  Nothing is ever easy…at least with me.  But, I am determined to stay happy and positive.  I see negativity.  I know very negative people.  It is easy to succumb to it.  It is so easy to give in and circle down into a deep, dark hole.  Why not?  It’s easy and life is hard.  We all have trials and tribulations.  But it is with these burdens and worries, that our true character emerges and our deepest desires are revealed.  If we give in, we become our burdens. 

I refuse. 

I see loss.  I see people losing mothers and fathers, grandparents, spouses, etc.  I can’t imagine their pain.  I want to wrap my arms around them.  I know worry.  Mine is mine, how big or little to you.  Yours is yours, how big or little to me. 

It is life, right?

But we also know rising up.  People rise up to the occasion.  Those people are our heroes, my heroes; the people that step outside themselves and show their strength in the face of their adversity.  I love that.  It inspires me.  It keeps me moving forward.  I think these stories keep everyone moving forward whatever they are, whoever they are.  We all have it inside, the strength, the determination, and the drive to make this life the best life.  We all have it in us, to show our strength through our fears.  We all have the ability to overcome our obstacles and worries.  We all have the ability to jump over our hurdles.  It is within us. 

I am staying strong.

And when it is all too much, we all have a place within ourselves to find our inner peace. 

Find it and then hang on tight.  I’m right there with you, hanging on.