Tuesday, November 5, 2013

It's not you, it's me


My husband and I have a quote that we bought in Arizona on vacation and it has blessed all of our apartments and now our home.  It states, “Everyone is crazy besides you and me, and I’m beginning to wonder about you.”  We thought it was hilarious.  We always talk about the “extremes;” those bizarre people we have met along the way which makes us look at each other with a questioning eye and then try to validate that it can’t be us.  “It can’t be us, right??”  It has to be them, yeah?  We thought this quote was funny because sometimes we look at each other and say, “It’s us.”  We are nuts.  NUTS!  Then all of the sudden, you will catch a glimpse of someone else’s ‘wild’ eyes and that will be it; friendship aborted.  It’s them.  Yes, it has to be them.

Everything in moderation; I believe that is the sentence of normalcy.  We can gossip, but not too much. ”Can you believe Noreen and her husband fought over a SOAKED DISH???”

We can feed organic, but give the kid a chicken nugget for lunch and a lollipop for dessert for god’s sake.  Let them LIVE!  Let them have a sugar high, a sugar low, and then scream and cry.  Let it happen!  “I’ll give them Kale tomorrow, I swear to it!!” 

We should care but we should not become a helicopter mom, you know…hovering and micromanaging.  The extremes are what I find to be over the top and at times, a little bit ridiculous.  Someone who is extreme in thoughts or actions, make me question their motives.  Are you doing it because you believe it, or because you believe you are better than me?  Are you judging me if I don’t do the same things?  Those are the questions to dig deep in to with a shovel, a garbage pail and a heavy duty face mask.  As my 2 year old says, “PEE-YOU!!!”

Peel the onion, layer by layer and you will find the core; inside at the heart of it all, the truth. 

And this concept does not just live in parenting decisions.  It resides in relationships and friendships as well.  

What sparked this post is because I’m upset about a few moms who were cold to me today and it bothered me tremendously.  Nobody likes to feel awkward and uncomfortable, if we can help it.  I left asking my husband the same question…is it me?  I don’t understand how some people who used to be nice to me are now cold because a circumstance has changed and it wasn’t to their liking.  It made me feel like I was the foolish one, in this case.  I felt upset and questioned myself; my normalcy.  But, as my husband and I talked it over, we decided that our realities are just different.  I just have to move forward and be confident enough in myself.  I’m not the one being catty, so I’m not the one who should feel bad.      

So, how do we deal with it, ‘the extremes?’  As parents, we try to be as centered and grounded as possible.  We try to teach our children balance.  We try not to let them be too extreme in all things; a lot can be said for a middle of ground approach.  If I put on the TV for the kids a lot in the morning, I try to do stimulating activities in the afternoon.  If they eat one too many cookies after lunch, I try to stuff their face with broccoli at dinner.  Balance.   If someone tells me that TV causes underdeveloped brain activity in 4 year olds, well, I’m going to walk right by you next week and pretend I don’t see you. 

As adults, we try to do the same.  Lead by example.  Show others friendliness and kindness and shrug off the ‘extremes’ that are trying to tell you that you are doing it wrong.  If you feel like you are put off by someone else’s approach to life, it is probably best to steer clear of them.  Maybe they think it is you, maybe you think it is them.  Whoever it is does not matter.  Just steer clear.  Lead your life how you want to lead it, but don’t judge others who do not lead it the same way.  There are no experts here; just a large amount of information that we have to sift through.  If someone tells me (with wild eyes) that Johnson and Johnson shampoo causes cancer as I’m lathering my children’s hair with it, I’m going to take note and then rinse.  My phone will ring off the hook when you call.  I’m just saying.  Help, yes.  Don’t try and convict me.  I don’t see your gavel.

The truth is we are all just trying to do our best.  Right now, if you feel like you are being a tad extreme and feeling a bit senseless yourself, put on some sunglasses to hide those telling eyes.

But, if you are working hard to stay grounded and sensible, you can show those eyes in the sun and be proud of yourself.

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