Fleeting Moments

I don’t like big changes.  Sometimes I wish everything could stay the same.  I know change is inevitable but sometimes it hits hard, like a death in the family or a new stage in life.  I want my kids to stay this age.  As hard as it may be at times, I don’t wish it away.  I love the fact that my 2 year old will sing happy birthday to me when I get her out of her crib in the morning.  I don’t know what I did to deserve that!  I think it is funny when my 4 year old stalks off with her arms crossed stating that she does not “appreciate sharing!”  This morning, she was getting herself dressed and got all tangled and squealed, “I can’t do it. I’m so frustrated.”  I like that she can communicate her feelings a little better now.  And I laugh a little when she does so with a huff of frustration and an eyebrow crease.  It’s funny.  I snicker.  She definitely doesn’t appreciate my laughter though.  “Don’t laugh MOM!”

“Please,” I say to myself.  “Don’t let me forget this.”

Do you ever have those moments?  Where you desperately cling to it and don’t know how to hold on to it, because it is fleeting. 

Me and my girls bought new dresses for a wedding this weekend and then skipped to the car holding hands.  Fleeting.

My 2 year old quietly looked out the window on the way home and sang, “Once upon a Dream” Fleeting.

My 4 year old daughter told me yesterday, “You are the best mommy in the world.”  Fleeting.  I know she will not say that when she is 14.  If she does it is probably because she will want something from me.

Tears emerge as I think about all that I have and all that I stand to lose as time ticks away…

I read a post the other day on how we shouldn’t “wish away” the stages of life.  We shouldn’t say, “When my baby does this…then it will get better.”  I happen to agree wholeheartedly with that post.  The “if only” thought will only serve one purpose in life, unhappiness.  Then we will always be waiting and what we are waiting for will never come.  We will be grasping at straws; happiness never within our reach.

I have to remind myself of this, constantly…especially when I am knee deep in nebulizer treatments, the croup, ear infections and antibiotics.  Welcome to fall.  It is hard to remember this mantra when I am chasing a 2 year old around the house with a face mask.  “For the love of God, BREATHE IN THE STEAM!”  Or holding my 4 year old in a wrestling tackle to squirt steroids into her mouth.  “OPEN!…SWALLOW!!!”

I have to remind myself to embrace each and every stage and phase while it is happening.  I mean, the 2 year old molars emerging aren’t pretty.  But, if I wish it away, I wish away the constant snuggles and the chubby thighs.  If I wish for my 4 year old to be in school all day, I will miss her singing out loud with her dolls, “Listen to the beat of your heart,” she sings, “keep on dancing!”  Very fitting.   

I’m not ready for 5^th grade clicks at school.  I’m not ready for high school boyfriends that cheat.  I’m not ready for any of it right now.  At this moment, I am ready for whatever happens today.  I have to be.  We all have to be.  I am ready for this stage.  Hopefully when the next stage comes, I will welcome it and be ready.  I’m sure I will.  We are only given everything that we can handle, facemasks and steroids included.  Because each stage/phase serves it purpose.  Time keeps moving, seasons change, and children grow…and these present moments with our children are elusive.  We have to remember that.  We cannot take hold of them because they are fleeting.  We can try to etch them into our brains, write them down, take pictures, but it won’t matter.  They will be gone.  But we can wrap our arms around them with our hearts and hold on for dear life; trying, if we can to embrace them while we have them and appreciate the now…