Anything Can Happen

I don’t really watch the X Factor but I really liked this group called, “Fifth Harmony.”  I didn’t like them at first but then they sang this song, “Anything can happen,” and it was like magic.  Five girls, against all odds, singing a song that made me believe in them.  And the words…they made me believe in everything.  And now as we wrap 2012, I believe that “Anything Can Happen” and does and will…

It’s true.  It was a full year, filled with highs and lows, which I’m sure encompasses most people’s thoughts these days.  It does mine.  And as I look back, I cannot help but think about things that stood out for me…

In January, I think back to when I started the year with a 2 ½ year old and a 6 month old and felt like, yes I can do this…I think.   And in other moments I thought, NO I CAN’T!  Help!  But look now, I did it.  We all did.  Every day, we do it.  We get through it.  And, even though it was hard at times, I’ll never forget this year.  It will hold a special place in my heart because it was the year my babies were true, little tiny babies and not just that in sentiment. 

And through it all, how I know I will long for it one day… because in 2012 my first born turned into a little girl. In “The Other Side,”” when everything swirled around me in fast motion, because I watched my (almost) 3 year old daughter go from a baby to a young lady in the flash of an eye. “I remember those side swept bangs and that day at the park like it was yesterday. 

It was around that time that I realized it was her that inspired me most, because “she is who she is.  She knows what she likes and what she doesn’t like and is not afraid to tell you.  She has the hope of the world in her hand.  She has an infinite amount of love in her heart.  Suddenly I see…this is what I wanna be….”  My little baby turned into a little lady this year and I was in awe of her.

And my little second baby!  I realized this year that I had nothing to worry about for my second child.  The second child syndrome wasn’t a bad thing because “she has it all, that little baby…and that much more”, because she has a sister.  I think about the way she giggles and smiles at her big sister; the way they hug so tight.  I think about how she has grown. I think about how she went from sitting to crawling to walking and running, to climbing on top of tables.  She is a character, that little miss.  She wears her heart on her sleeve.  She has filled every piece of my heart.

And then there was my… “Sock Balls,”—my husband’s sock balls rather.  Remember when “my husband asked me to roll his socks in balls.  Apparently I was only half rolling them up.  Ok, yes.  In between my very stimulating day of poopie diapers and spilled milk, I will roll your socks in a very tight ball.  Glamorous.”    

AND oooohhh….I will never forget when that other random mom laughed at me when I had a very bad moment at My Gym.  It was then that I truly believed in KARMA again... “Laugh away my friend because I know she will be there soon.  She has a toddler and a brand new 4 week old.  It’ll happen to her.  The same scene.  Karma.”  I wonder if it did…probably right?!  Actually, I’m going to say YES!  I hope I’m not being mean, but I hope someone laughed at her.  Snarf and blart random mom.  

I think about things that made me crazy, that don’t give me a second thought now, like my “Painted Nails.”  I never realized what a stir my nails could cause in some people.  How stupid, right?  Who cares about nails?  They are not to be focused on.  It isn’t about those things at all.  It is about how you feel INSIDE! And how you act toward others! Right?!  Some people just don’t get it.  I learned that in ‘12.  Just ignore them.  They will go away eventually.

I’m glad that through the year however, I strengthened wonderful, beautiful friends and people who I can call my real friends.  I’ve found some new and connected with them by relating to their journey of motherhood.  And I've connected with others just because.  I’m blessed that I have good women in my life.  I hope you have them!  These women are the reason to get up and sip coffee (MOJO) in the morning.  I know they are doing the same thing at the same time, maybe thinking the same things, maybe dreading the same things, perhaps hoping the same things and knowing they are not alone.  We aren't.  I love these women!  Here’s to you! 

 

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But, with the good, comes the bad.  And, unfortunately this thought doesn’t always mean that everything good will happen.  Sandy struck and we all had to deal with changes and life’s real problems.  Without power and light, we felt darkness.  So many people lost so much.  But, we all came together to help one another and realized that through kindness and love, good can come out of bad.

Anything can happen…

The Sandy Hook Shootings made us truly feel tangible pain for others.

“Letting darkness grow.  As if we need it’s palette and we need it’s color.  But now I’ve seen it through.  And now I know the truth.  That anything can happen”

It is true that anything can happen, bad or good…so we have to hold on tight to the ones we love.

2012 is coming to an end.  I’m hoping to focus on new positive change for 2013.  I don’t know, maybe I’ll run a half marathon.  Maybe I’ll lose those last few pounds.  Perhaps I’ll take a trip.  I’ll hug, I’ll love, I’ll kiss, I’ll laugh, I’ll run, I’ll lose, I’ll gain, I’ll think, I’ll try, I’ll fail, I’ll know, I’ll forget, I’ll forgive, I’ll do it all and know that it can slip away at any time.  I’ll do it more. 

To The 250 people who read each and every post, Thank you for supporting me in 2012!   Whoever you are, I'm glad you are here... 

And thank you for making me feel like, yes you get it.  You understand.  I'm not alone ;)

I hope you’ll stay in 2013 and ride along this journey of motherhood and beyond. 

Hold on tight my friends…

"Since we found out, since we found out, that anything can happen, anything can happen, anything can...."

All the best for 2013

Love,

Noreen

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See XFactor performance by Fifth Harmony

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wfAwh8x-w4w

Suddenly I see by KT Tunstall
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0tlU-1u1JC8

Walking in Fear

We live in an unsafe world.  I’m not just saying that because of the recent Sandy Hook shootings that took place, I’ll get to that.  I’m saying that because I’ve always felt it.  I’ve always kind of felt a little unsafe.  I never liked walking alone in my teens and twenties and even now.  I’m not sure I could protect myself. 

I remember when I was 23 years old; I took the NJ transit train home from the city, alone.  It was around 9:30pm or so, right before the late night drinking rush.  I was sitting alone and these 2 guys, probably in their late 20’s, kept creeping closer to my seat.  We were the only ones in that car on the train.  And me, being somewhat bold and ignorant gave a huff and moved to a different car.  (Like, stop bothering me).  Well, they followed me to the next car I was in and then my heart started to beat.  My stop was Point Pleasant beach and my car was parked pretty close to the train, thank goodness.  But, I was scared.  I tested them and they got mad.  They weren’t smiling and flirting anymore, they had mean, unwelcoming faces.  When my stop came up, I didn’t hover by the door.  I bolted out of my seat and out the train doors to an empty parking lot.  I raced to my car.  They bolted out behind me but were not fast enough.   I think they were unprepared for that.   I made it safely to my car before they even got into the parking lot.  I locked my doors, breathed a sigh of relief and drove away.  They stood there, by the tracks like two statues.  I didn’t look back.  I never took the train again at night by myself.  I don’t know what they were expecting to do in a somewhat safe town where people are always walking by the train station, but I wasn’t going to take a chance.  We live in an unsafe world. 

That incident isn’t a big deal.  There was no follow through.   Nothing happened.  But the fear part is relevant.  I was walking in fear.  And now, I feel like I’m walking in fear again but for 2 others…my children.

Now, 10 years later, I’m a mother and I know things are getting worse for our children.  Things are different from when our parents trudged through 10 feet of snow to walk to school and came home for lunch.  And, things are different from even ten years ago, when I took that train ride. 

No longer are we immune to these random acts of violence.  It can happen anywhere and at any time and to anyone.

I know what you are going to say...this has always been the case.  But times are changing and people are changing...and not for the better. 

So, when something like the Sandy Hook shooting happens, it is so easy to want to have a reason and to try and understand WHY?! –so we don’t walk in fear.

 Can we blame it on the Internet?  Is Facebook causing more depression in youth?  Can we blame it on video games that allow children and teens to put themselves right in the middle of a game and shoot?  Can we blame it on the fact that there is no shock value anymore?  We’ve seen it all and are becoming immune to it.  Gun control?  That kid shouldn’t have had an automatic weapon in his hands.  Can we blame it on the breakdown of family?  His mom bought these guns legally and took him to target practice.  Are vaccines causing a rise in autism and mental illness?  I’m just saying.  Or, is it the fact that information is instant and our brains aren’t wired fast enough to keep up?  Is it causing cross wiring in some people with a genetic predisposition to mental illness?  Is our world moving at a faster rate than us and are we feeling the repercussions of it?  What is going on?  Why is it on the rise????   

I worked with children with learning disabilities which included autism, ADD, ADHD, etc, etc.  We had one student who would try to stomp on the mushrooms like he was in the Mario Brothers game walking through real life, in our center.  At times, he couldn’t decipher reality vs. fantasy.  What a problem?!  He is a sweet kid and would never hurt a fly, but can he understand what reality is and what is not?  Could Adam Lanzo? 

I’m the type of person that wants answers.  Because when I see pictures of these 6 and 7 year olds who died or the young beautiful heroic teacher, Vicki Soto who’s beautiful face is plastered all over facebook, I want ANSWERS!  If not, I will want to sit in a hole and never come out of my house.  If not, I will cry uncontrollably thinking of these lost lives…these CHILDREN…again and again!  These beautiful, lovely children.  If not, I will sit here at a loss for words.  Because when their parents dropped them off at school, in a safe place, they had no idea they would never come home.  That sits close to home with me.   

The responses to this horrific crime have been all over the Internet; the arguments about gun control.  Some say it is like a pencil misspelling words, not the person.  Some say we need a new law on gun control pronto.  Some say this and some say that.  But those arguments don’t compel me right now.  I’m not there yet.  Instead, I’m listening to the people who are speaking beautiful words and those words heal us all.  I'm trying to find reasons NOT to walk in fear. 

I’m thinking about what Mr. Rogers said,

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”

I’m listening to my friend Terri post about her family

“I'm not going to pretend that I know much about what happened Friday; we didn't watch TV all weekend. I won't argue gun laws vs. mental illness vs. video games; it's not my place. But what I will do is live life in the moment and not put off anything for another day when it comes to my family.”

I’m reacting to my friend Lauren’s post about her children.

“As I hugged my son goodbye in his classroom today I had to hold back tears. To the 20 (and 6 adults) beautiful children that lost their lives in this terrible tragedy I promise to love my children more if possible, to be more understanding of them, to be more patient and to hold them a little tighter and a little longer. You were taken way too soon but I promise, in my household you will not be forgotten. Your faces are forever in my mind and in my heart and my children will have a better mother because of you. Rest in Peace Beautiful Angels”

What beautiful sentiments.  These are words that I hope don't ever get lost to us after a week or a month.  I hope they remain.  So, I'm listening...
 

I’m listening to others when they say to hug your children tighter.  I’m appreciating them more. I love them with all of my might.  I’m squeezing them tight.  I’m laughing more.  I’m doing this all as I silently weep for the lost children and the heroic teachers who saved others.  I’m weeping for the loss of innocence in those who survived.  I’m feeling absolutely lost for the families left behind. 

I’m remembering the names of the lost children and praying and praying.  I’m hoping their families will be able to lean on others and heal one day.

I am a little more fearful, because we don’t have answers and I’m scared for our future in this crazy world…but I have hope.  I certainly do; that we will all be able to heal by leaning on each other.  And I have hope that one day we won’t have to live in fear and our children will all be safe from the monsters.

She told me so

I recently read a blog post from a Mother which was BRILLIANT!  It was called, “Why you’re never failing as a mother.”  Thank you Amy Morrison.  I feel better.  I needed you to tell me that.  I needed someone to tell me that.  Read for yourself. (But only after you are done reading mine ;)

It is easy to feel like you are failing as a mother if you don’t feed them the right food, put them in the right pre-school, and/or discipline the right way.  But the truth of the matter is who is to say you are doing it wrong?  We are all new to parenting.  We are all figuring it out as we go along.  No one person is right and no one person is wrong.  We as parents have to do what is best for us.  If it feels wrong to you, then change it.  But, if it feels right, it probably is.

Recently, I started to feel like I was disciplining the wrong way.  If I wasn’t consistent, if I didn’t PICK the right battles…was I failing?  Am I failing? Ahhh, someone please tell me I’m not.   Well, Miss Amy Morrison told me I’m not.  She told me so. 

BUT, I still wasn’t so sure.  My 3 ½ year old isn’t listening well.  She is testing boundaries and being defiant at times.  It is exhausting.  But, I have to figure it out.  I have to do what is best for her and for me.  Sometimes I ask friends for help and I get blank stares.  And sometimes I get great advice.  They are tips.  They help.  Am I on the right path??  It seems so.  Because if I trust my instincts, I can’t be failing…right?  I hope not.

But, I was thinking about it this morning as I was on my hands and knees wiping the crusty eggs off the kitchen floor.   I thought about a few things that made me feel better.  I thought about 5 things that made me feel better.

1.       Forgive yourself.  I’ve said this before and I stand by it.  If I don’t bring seaweed in for a snack at school, am I failing?  If you give your kids Tostitos for a snack, it is ok.  There is always time to make healthier dishes.  Sometimes it is just easy to give them what they want and what makes them happy.  Forgive yourself for it and move on.  There is always time to improve.  No matter what we do, forgive yourself for it.  It is all ok.

2.       Listen to your kids.  They think you are doing a job.  This morning I asked my 3 ½ year old daughter if I was a good mom.  She smiled at me and shook her head, yes.  I said, “Why?” and she said because you give me lots of puffins.  Nice.  Ok, I’ll take it. 

3.       Trust your instincts.  I know I have to trust mine more.  I have to look within more and not without.  I get blank stares sometimes because maybe they don’t know what to tell me.  Maybe I shouldn’t ask as much.  Maybe I should just DO what I think is best!

4.       Do your best.  Maybe I’m slacking a bit (as I type away and look over at my girls who have their eyes glued to Dora) but, after I post this, I will sit and do letters and shapes with them.  I feel better when I’m doing better with them.  I feel bad when I ignore.  The best times that we have are when I’m teaching and they are learning.  But down-time is needed as well!!!! Amen Sisters.

5.       Shower with love.  You cannot be failing if your kids are well loved.  Lots of hugs and kisses will make up for something else that you feel like you are lacking in.  If your kids feel loved and are happy, there is no such thing as FAIL!  For that I am sure. 

Here’s the thing.  Everyone has different strengths and weaknesses.  We, as mothers, need to play up on our strengths and try to improve those weaknesses. 

2013 is our YEAR!  So, as Amy Morrison said,

“Chin up. Hang in there. And remember, you're doing a great job.”

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/amy-morrison/motherhood_b_2271349.html

POOF!

I had a moment.  I had just finished the bath for my 16 month old daughter.  I had her all wrapped up in the towel, around her body and head.  Her little face was peeking out, chubby squishy cheeks all bright and happy and those little lips all puckered up.  Delightful.  She was happy and squealing, “La, La, La,” which I think means I love you, at least in my mother’s heart.  She starts kissing and biting my whole face, just loving on me and looking at me square in the eyes; it is so sweet and beautiful; a moment I live for as a mom.  I’m looking at her face and for a split second I cannot believe she is mine and I am hers.  That face, it is so joyful and her personality is so exuberant.  I’m blessed.  It was a moment I needed, a moment realized.  Even though she is all big at 16 months old, this little squishy thing is still a baby, my baby.  Ahhh, I need to hold on tight!  The toddle years are so short.  And then they get older and scream in my face, “NO!”  Haha!

I hope I’m not missing more of those moments.  I’m running, running, running all around, trying to get everything in order for the Holidays.  I’m caught up in the holiday stress right now.  The shopping and wrapping; trying to cross the T’s and dot the I’s all while trying to make the season full of cheer for my daughters.  I feel like I’m walking with a blindfold around my eyes half the time, bumping into walls and getting smacked in the shoulder with the fast-paced shoppers.  It is a lot.  It is easy to get caught up and forget the reason why we do what we do?!  We do it for them. 

The other day on facebook, there was a quote that my friend put up. 

“No One Ever Said Life Would Be Easy, They Just Promised It Would Be Worth It”

I feel like that is important to remember this time of year.  When we are trying to do it all, it is easy to get lost in the “all,” and forget the “why.” 

The “Why” is everything!!!  For me, it is about trying to give my girls a little magic.  POOF!  It is all so easy ;)  Look at how everything just magically appears.  No effort needed.  And all that holiday stress will be worth it when I see their faces on Christmas morning. Or, when you see his or her face on each night of Chanukah.  For me, I’ll remember that quote on Christmas morning, I’ll remember all that heavy lifting and sweating was worth it.  I’ll understand why I put Elf in a new place every night.  I’ll appreciate the magic of the lights and the time spent to make it all unravel like a Christmas bow.  The days and weeks spent creating the magic will be lost in the twinkle from the eyes of my children.  And that will be the moment.  It will definitely be worth it.

BUT, I’m just glad it isn’t ALL for that one moment.  I’m happy I can still appreciate the small moments too, like bath time with my baby.  If we cannot appreciate the small moments as well, the big moments can swallow you up whole.  After all, it is the small moments realized that are the ones that make it all worth it in the end. 

I know it can be hard.  And if you cannot get it together during this Holiday Stress, think about another quote I saw on Facebook from the same friend:

“Pour yourself a drink, put on some lipstick and pull yourself together.”

–Elizabeth Taylor

(Except if you are a man, and then skip the lipstick.)

 

Be myself, yourself, ourselves...

I bet it is exhausting to try to be someone you are not.  To walk around life and to feel unsure; it is probably the worst feeling.  I bet you can lose yourself easily if you don’t have a strong foundation of who you are.  To chase something that you can never reach; to be someone who you are not; to try and fit in when you are different.  I bet it is exhausting.

I have a friend who was always true to himself and you know what, he didn’t fit in at times, but he never faltered and in the end, he found his way; his niche.

I know someone who is questioning who he is, wondering why he is unhappy?!  He is unhappy because he isn’t being himself or true to his nature.  When he can come to terms and be ok in his own skin, he will find true happiness again.

I know a girl who is trying to fit in when she cannot.  She is chasing something unobtainable.  She is sacrificing a part of herself to try to be a part of something else.  She will continue chasing and she will never reach her goal.  I feel sorry for her.  She can never be happy until she realizes her true place. 

I struggled with identity when I started the process of trying for babies.  I remember it as if it was yesterday.  If I wasn’t trying to have a baby; if I wasn’t having miscarriages, getting pregnant, and reliving the process over and over again, who was I?!  And then, I was graced with children and became a mom.  Who was I then?  What kind of mom am I and what kind of person was I becoming?  I couldn’t be the best friend anymore; the kind that dropped everything for anyone.  I couldn’t be that girl.  I had a family now.  I struggled with the change but what I realized is something so simple.  I cannot be everything to everyone anymore.  I had to decide to take care of the most important things first and everything else would fall into place.  It had to.  It did.  And you know what, everything is not perfect, but that is ok.  I’m being true to myself.  If some people don’t understand me or feel slighted, well…so be it.  We are all at the age where we have to do what is best for ourselves and our families.   

We are who we are.  Period.  Whether we have pink hair ;) blue eyes, thick skin, or a fleeting heart, it doesn’t matter.  We have to try and embrace ourselves and who we are meant to be.  Truth be told, I can’t crack a joke on command, but I can laugh hard at the ones who can.  I can’t pack a bag, load up the kids, and plan a trip spur of the moment, but I will invite over the ones who can or clap for them as they pass my house with arms flailing out the windows.  I can give pretty good advice but I’m not the type to sit on the phone and talk about it for hours.  I’m a one, two punch type of girl.  That will probably never change.  What needs to change and evolve is our idea of what we need, what we have, and what we can do without.  When we can come to terms with all of these things and find a balance, we can truly realize the people we are.  And then, we will be happy. 

I hope that if you are reading this and struggling with yourself or a big change in your life, I hope you can see it through by staying true to yourself.  If you are pregnant, changing jobs, moving, finding a new normal or trying to improve your everyday life, I pray that you will be able to do it in the only way you know how; by being you.  Good luck.

"I've Done My Job"

A couple of months ago, I asked a friend who had recently become a stay-at-home mom if she liked it.  “Yes,” she responded instantly.  “If my baby points to a cow and says MOO, I’ve done my job.”  That statement resonated with me.  Here I am, 2 months later and still thinking about that comment.  Sometimes people can just say things that shine something inside you.  That comment made me feel fortunate but more than that, it made me feel happy inside.  Yes, if my baby says MOO, I’ve done my job.  It was a small statement, but huge in theory.  It probably was a thoughtless comment, but one with much thought and contemplation from within.

My 16 month old points to her head when prompted, says please through sign language, and can shake her hips on command.  She can tell me she is all done with her food when she moves her hands back and forth.  I did that.  My 3 year old says please and thank you as second nature, is a good listener at school and likes to take care of her animals and baby dolls like a little mommy.  She learned the good stuff watching me.  She sings the alphabet.  She counts and can start to sound out words.  She got that from me.  The time I spend sitting at the table with her alphabet fries, putting together words, that is when I’m doing my job.  That is when I’m working the hardest and it is paying off.  I’m doing it.  It’s working.  So far so good.  I’ve done my job.

On the flip side, the idea that we are shaping them is wonderfully scary as well.  Yesterday my friend’s daughter asked my daughter to push her on the swing.  “Umm,” she responded, “Oh,” she hesitated, “Ok, I guess,” and shrugged her shoulders.   I cringed a little and then laughed a little.  I have responded like that to her probably a hundred times.  YUCK!  I can see the things that I need to work on through my daughter’s responses and reactions.  Ok, I’m doing my job and sometimes I’m not watching my step.  It is coming out through the sponge that is my 3 year olds brain. 

Mental note: work on my reactions when I don’t want to do something…

…And so on and so forth.  I probably could have a list of 50 things that I need to change that I have seen through my daughter.  Don’t raise my voice; stop frowning when I’m thinking about everything I need to get done, STOP rolling my eyes.  What am I 12?  I’m on duty all the time.  I have to remember that.  SMILE NOREEN!  I want to have a good performance review this year.  Miss C and Miss K are taking notes.

No matter what we do in life, if we are raising children, we are on duty.  They are watching and learning from the things we do, reactions we have, and the way we act.  Everyday life is the test.  The other moments are the fall out.  So, when my daughter has a freak out at a Christmas parade because she wants to be doing something else, I have to look into myself for the answer on how to fix her reaction going forward.  It isn’t her.  It is me.  I’m the one doing the job.  They are the ones reaping the benefits from it…or not. 

So, let’s all go to work today with a smile on our face.  Our bosses are watching us intently!