I have
2 young girls and exactly 2 minutes to myself each day. 2 Hopes for my family:
Happiness and Health. We are all learning and growing together. Making
mistakes; learning from them; and moving on. Motherhood is a crazy ride...and
it’s wonderful. But, I cannot help but know that I am meant for that and so
much more...
All true.
Motherhood is a crazy ride.
It is wonderful. I make a lot of
mistakes. I think I’m learning from
them. Health and happiness is most
important. Those 2 things have to stay
in order. Day to day, I know I can be
better. I know, I know.
But, that ending part, “and so much more…” is biting at my
feet right now. Just a little nibble,
nothing to stop the presses for… but it is there and I kind of feel it. Do you ever feel like that? Like there could be so much more for
you? I say that because I literally just
slipped on spilled milk. I was on my way
from the laundry room to the bedroom with a basket of clothes…kerplunk!
*****************************************************************************
Last night, my friend and I went to see the show, “So you
think you can dance"
This sparked
it. As I watched these kids do something
so well and feel so passionate about what they do, it made me a little
sad. I mean, I was happy to be out and
watching it, but sometimes I feel like I’m watching everyone else
“living.” When your life becomes all
about someone or something else, you sit there and watch other people living
their life for them, and it makes you long for that feeling. It isn’t like I thought I was going to be on
stage front and center dancing with a mini skirt on. (I will say that the shorter their skirts the frumpier I felt). But, I guess I just thought there could
be something with a similar feeling. A rat
tat tat moment. I know I am
not 18 anymore; I guess we all have to grow up.
It can’t always be about me, can it?
If it is, are we doing something wrong?
It has to be about other people at some point. Maybe that is growth? Perhaps that is being a responsible
adult? Bah humbug. We can
still live. We just have to find it in
smaller ways. We can rat
tat tat in our houses, I just know it!
********************************************************************************
It is sort of like facebook.
We sit here with our computers on our laps and ‘watch.’ What is everyone doing? What best foot are they putting forward today? Where did they check-in? Are they having more fun than me? Living more?
Because a lot of the time, I’m sitting here watching. I’m watching reality television stars living
more. I’m watching twitter strangers
having a blast. I’m watching it
all. When is my chance?
I’m hoping this is a normal feeling. I think it is. Or, why would something like Facebook even be
successful? People would say, “I don’t
have time to see what everyone else is doing.
I have things to do.” People have
the time to watch. They make the time to
watch. But the question is, does it make
us feel like less sometimes? I think
YES. I think it is hard to watch others
have a blast; drinks in hand, images of feet in front of the ocean, checking-in
at the circus on a random Tuesday morning.
We see that and then look down at our computers, whether at work or at
home; doing something we don’t want to be doing at that moment, and we think to
ourselves, “Maybe I should be doing more”??
Sometimes. Not always. And not everyone. I know that.
But me, yes definitely …I feel like that sometimes.
“Maybe I can be
so much more”??
We can and we will. I
can and I will. All in good time. Maybe this can be the start of something more. Maybe we can start living today. But how?
I guess we can step outside our boxes today. Try to start a new project at work. Set up a playdate with a new friend. Turn off the TV and the computers and just
be. Dance in the kitchen with your husband
or wife. Play hide and seek with your
children. Go to the circus on a Tuesday. Live.
I’m going to try. I’ll let you
know how it goes.
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