Day 40

It is so easy to get lost in the details of life.  It is so easy to have one bad day after another and give in to them.  It is so easy to lose patience with a crying 3 year old girl.  It is so easy.  What is hard is staying in the moment, seeing the good in the bad days, and keeping your patience.  I know I’ve made bad decisions and given in to my temper.  I know I've let bad days become worse.  I feel like it is because sometimes the day after day after day after day…is hard. 

At first my husband didn’t get it.  He is here on the weekends and can keep his patience easily.  Of course, he has 2 days of it.  Day 2, I’ve got my patience intact as well.  I’ve got a smile on my face and I’m ready to trudge through the tall trees and dark clouds in search of light.  I’m ready on day 2.  Aren’t we all??!!  Day 2, we’ve got down everyone.  But day 40, or 80, or 120…those are the hard days.  When there is no relief in between...  

“Noreen,” he would say on day 2 of a weekend,“relax….” 

Wait, I don’t judge him for judging me though.  Not at all.  But, I wanted to get through to him.  How could I make him understand that it isn’t easy to “relax” sometimes when I’ve been doing it over and over again and hearing the long and loud cries over and over again about nothing?  Hmmmmm…

And I know what he is thinking.  He is thinking, “It isn’t that hard to relax and distract, and then everything will be ok again.  What’s hard about that,” he thinks as he holds up a horse and says, “NAAAYYY!”  But, when our daughter wakes up every morning crying in her bed because her toe itches, “NAAAYYY,” doesn’t work for me.  Nope.  Not for me.  I’m not going to go in the room and hold up a horse.  I’m going to lose my temper.  Yup.  That works for me.

So, I thought about how I could describe to him where I’m coming from.  And so I finally said something that struck a chord with him.  “No,” I said, “it isn’t hard on day 2, but it is hard on day 40.”  Think about it.  When we are fresh, we are better parents and people.  When we are broken down, we are not.  On day 2, we are fresh.  We have been revived in some way at work or on the train, away from it all.  But, on day 40, we are broken down.  Morning after morning of crying isn’t so fun anymore.  We aren’t revived.  So I said to him, “Picture the same morning on day 40, and how would you feel?”  “It would be hard,” he responded.  If I was doing this every day, I would probably lose it on day 40 as well.”

 

Ba Dum Dum….CHA!

 Thank you!!!!

 So now, I can call him at work and say, “She just cried for an hour because I didn’t buy her an ugly dinosaur at the bookstore,” and he will say, “I’m sorry Nor.”  Or, he will understand when he sees my face boiling on a Saturday afternoon.  He will sweep in with his freshness and solve the riddle or problem for the moment as to why she is crying.  Usually, it is something ridiculous.  Her toe itches, her headband isn’t on straight.  The blanket won’t go on the doll the right way.  What have you?!!

But now, we can work on a team because he gets it.  And even though it is hard, I’m grateful for someone who can at least see where I’m coming from and listen to me vent.  And I’m thankful he can love me, even on my bad moments.  And I know, everyone will benefit from the happy ones (me included).  And, I’m praying he can see my strength when I overcome my weaknesses. 

Tell your husband’s about Day 40.  Maybe then they will understand how you may feel today.

Keep Trudging on my friends, and thanks for listening.