Monsters

I remember when I was little and I would have a nightmare.  I would try to wake myself up from a deep sleep to muster up the ability to scream one loud word, “MOM!!!”  I would hear her stocking feet running down the hallway to make me feel better.  “It’s ok,” she would say, “It was just a nightmare.”  I immediately felt better, safe and secure.

It is amazing to me the ability that we, as parents have to make it all better; how our babies just want us, and only need us.  Last night I ran out to my exercise class around 7:45 pm without saying good night to my 3 year old.  I really didn’t think it was that big a deal.  Daddy was putting her to bed, like they do every night.  But, it was.  Around 10:45, she started crying that she “had a nightmare.”  I went into her room to lay in bed with her.  Usually, I am counting down the minutes until I can get back in my own bed so that I can get some well deserved sleep.  But, for some reason, I looked at her innocent face and felt bad that I was thinking of leaving and getting into my own bed.  I thought about my mom; she never made me feel like she was counting down the moments until she could leave.  Maybe she was…I’ll have to ask.  But, when I handed her her Aurora doll and watched her wrap the doll under the blanket with her, with a panicked look on her face, scared…I decided to stay a little longer and not think about where I wanted to go.  I had nowhere to go.  And it didn’t take long.  It took 20 minutes instead of 10; laying next to her instead of sitting on the edge of the bed rubbing her back.  It doesn’t take much. 

Sometimes I rush through life.  Sometimes I’m always working toward the next thing.  Let’s do bath time so we can get to bed time.  Let me snuggle for 5 minutes so I can get back to my bed.  Let’s have lunch now so I can drop you off at school and then run errands so that I can…yadda yadda yadda….blah blah blah…..

It never ends.  At least, I don’t let it.

The problem with last night was that I was rushing to pick up my friend and get to class on time.  I should have taken the 2 minutes it took to give my daughter a kiss before bed so that she felt safe and secure.  Maybe she thought she did something wrong?  Why didn’t mommy kiss me goodnight?  I cannot forget that she needs me…always.  And, I cannot forget that the little things always matter with children.

I know I need to work on this.  I’m in a rush to get where?  I see other moms rushing to do what?  Sometimes I need to stay a while with nowhere to go.  Sometimes I have to put in my time to scare away the monsters.  After all, it is only my presence that can do that.  It is just me, wrapping the blanket around my daughter, and laying next to her that can do that.  I have the power to make it all better just by being me, Mom.  Imagine that?  Isn’t that amazing?  If you really think about it, it feels so much bigger than me.  It is an idea.  The idea of being the only thing needed for someone else.  She doesn’t need an IPhone or a doll.  She just needs me.  We cannot forget the power we possess with our children.  And I know I have to remember to use it right. 

This morning, I came into her room and said, “Good morning.”  She gave me a big hug and I asked her why she cried last night.  “I had a nightmare,” she said.  “You did, about what,” I responded.  “No mommy, you didn’t say goodnight to me last night,” she said.  I thought to myself, I knew it.  If I would have just taken the time.  If only I didn’t rush.  “I’ll never do that again,” I said with a tear in my eye.  And I won’t.