It’s funny how good things always happen when you least
expect it. It usually happens when you
are dreading something. Like if you
really are too tired to go out and meet a friend and then it turns out to be
the best night with the best conversation and you come home feeling
refreshed. You think to yourself, why on
earth did I dread that? Or maybe it
happens when you plan something last minute.
I had a spur of the moment birthday party for my daughter last year and
with a week’s notice, it turned out to be one of those incredibly fun parties
for the kids and the adults. We still
talk about it today. Maybe it happens
when you don’t put too much emphasis on anything. Or maybe it is the luck of the draw?! Or maybe just maybe, it is when something
comes out of you that is authentic and true; maybe it is when others see the
best of you…
My heart has changed.
My 3rd baby did it to me.
She wasn’t what I expected. I
expected chaos. I expected to feel
overwhelmed. But, I’m not. I haven’t been. I won’t be.
She did that to me. She came to
us to make us remember how to slow down.
She came to us cooing and smiling and so ready and willing to jump into
this family, full force. She made me
remember what it is like to stop rushing.
She taught me how to feel content in the everyday, nursing and snuggling
and holding. SLOWING DOWN! Life can get so crazy. We are always trying to do this and that,
signing up our kids in this sport or that event. We are falling behind on paperwork. But, when she cries, I pick her up, not
because I have time to do it, but because that trumps all the paperwork piled
on my table. My other two kids are a
little older (almost 6 and 4) so they are more independent also. No diapers.
They sit at the table and eat and get dressed on their own. They play together for hours. They run in the sprinklers and the baby and I
watch, silently…happily. They come
downstairs with nightgowns on and slippers and I feel like I can cry tears of
gratitude.
I wasn’t expecting this.
I wasn’t dreading it, but I just didn’t know. How could I?
I didn’t know how lucky she is, to get the best of me. And I didn’t know how lucky I was, to become
what she needs so easily. Maybe it is
the support I have?! I have a wonderful babysitter
who does almost all of the crazy school pick-ups and drop offs. (life
saver). And of course I have a saint of a mom who runs
toward the war zone with arms outstretched and immediately makes my house new
again and makes me feel whole again. She
finds joy in helping me dig myself out of the piles of laundry and crusty
floors. She sleeps over for a few days
at a time and wakes up with coffee in her hand and an empty hamper. But more than that, she gives me mental
support. Just by being here, she brings
us all peace. She is what I hope to be for
my 3 daughters, everything they need and more.
Whatever the formula, whatever the reason, I’m just happy
with what has transpired. This baby has
come and brought me calm. I absolutely
have felt crazy and chaotic numerous times, flipping a pancake with a baby
hanging in the bjorn and/or chasing a naked 3 year old down the hall with a
screaming baby on the floor, BUT, it is my heart that remains steady and
calm.
After multiple people have told me, “The 3rd baby
will break you!” I’m happy to say that
the opposite has happened. She has put
me back together.
Sometimes the best things happen when you least expect
them. Sometimes, something or someone
will come into your life at the right time to make you realize who you
are. I have never tried to hide
myself. But I can honestly say that she
has made me a better mother.
Thank goodness for her.
She has come with kissable cheeks and sweet love and given me the best
gift, the best of me.
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