Love Wins

Part of the reason why I like to write is because I like to feel connected.  In a world with social media, that isn’t too hard anymore.  But still, I like to be able to try and bring moms together with common ground.  I have hit some road blocks along the way.  “She’s blogging now?!”  Although I’ve had support, I’ve also felt alienated from it.  “Don’t say that in front of Noreen or she might blog about it.” 

I’ve also had someone say the meanest things to me, “I feel sorry for your girls,” she said, “when they grow up and see what you have said.”  This comment devastated me, until I realized that it came from someone without children, who doesn’t know, and who likes to make others feel bad so that they feel good.  As my dad says, “never give someone else power over you with their opinions.  People only have power over you if you let them.”  I’ve been able to squash this feeling numerous times since. People will try to bring you down in life.  This is what I tell my daughter.  They will bring you down with their opinions on what you do and who you are.  At 6 years old, it is what you draw.  At 15, it is what you wear.  And at 35, it is how you parent.  But, you can’t let them hold power over you.  If you are confident in what you do and who you are, then you don’t have to listen to the useless opinions and statements flying at you.  Be confident enough to ignore it.  That is what I tell my girls.  Ignore the negative.  What matters is how you feel about yourself.

This is what I tell myself. 

One thing I try not to do, is alienate moms.  I try.  Who knows if I succeed?!  I never want to alienate moms.  I want to unite us.  The truth of the matter is, no mom is better than another.  That is the absolute truth.  No child is better than another.  Truth.  They might read faster or run faster, but it doesn’t mean they are better.  (I mean, unless they are slapping or scratching out eyes.  Well then, that is a different situation.)

And other moms may have different lives; some may work and some may stay at home.  Some may see their kids all day, every day, like me, and need some time to come up for air.  And others may carry guilt for not being home.  The truth is this, we choose our lot in life.  Don’t we?  We decide.  We choose. All the decisions in our life lead us to where we are.  One thing we as moms should do about it is own it.  Forgive ourselves for our choices.  I don’t wake up with a power suit and take the train with my coffee.  I forgive myself for not having a career.  Sometimes, I wish I did.  But, I chose my lot in life, to stay at home with my children no matter what I had to give up.  I chose it.  I own it.  People who chose to work, should own it too.  Of course there are people who have no choice and I understand and appreciate that as well.  I guess we have to do our best with our lot in life.  And, we should all try and be confident in ourselves and the decisions we make.  That way, we can be the best people for our children. 

What prompted this is based on an article that a friend shared on Facebook on how working parents create better, smarter children, in essence.  I read the article and then I looked at my 3 year old and asked her what she wanted to be when she is a grown up.  “A Barbie,” she responded.  Hmmm.  Ummm.  Maybe there is something to this?!  I thought about it a lot and tried not to be offended, but I did let this article hold power over me.  Not the person.  The article.  I texted my friend and told her that articles like that create Mommy wars.  And articles like that, divide us. I don’t like that feeling of division.  I like to always find common ground in parents.  Because if you think about it, we are all the same.  She was so gracious about it.  She didn’t want to offend anyone.  And the truth is, she shouldn’t have even offended me.  Because it means nothing.  The article, the “study,” means nothing.  Same with the 50 articles that counter that claim.  They mean nothing.  They may validate how we feel at moments when we question our choices, but they don’t make it true for everyone.  The only thing that makes it true is what we do with our choices and how we raise our own children.  The only thing that creates our truth, is ourselves. 

I would never have an opinion about anyone else’s choices in life, and not just in parenting; I will never have an opinion on who someone chooses to marry or what someone wants to wear. 

I believe the word is tolerance. 

We should all have tolerance for each other.  We should all accept each other.  We should all respect each other’s choices and decisions.  That is what life is all about.  We are one.

Especially Moms! 

People will try to bring you down.  But, only you can let someone else hold power over you. 

Make your choices.  Own them.  Accept others for their choices.

After all, in the end, it is love that wins. #lovewins

The best of me

It’s funny how good things always happen when you least expect it.  It usually happens when you are dreading something.  Like if you really are too tired to go out and meet a friend and then it turns out to be the best night with the best conversation and you come home feeling refreshed.  You think to yourself, why on earth did I dread that?  Or maybe it happens when you plan something last minute.  I had a spur of the moment birthday party for my daughter last year and with a week’s notice, it turned out to be one of those incredibly fun parties for the kids and the adults.  We still talk about it today.  Maybe it happens when you don’t put too much emphasis on anything.  Or maybe it is the luck of the draw?!  Or maybe just maybe, it is when something comes out of you that is authentic and true; maybe it is when others see the best of you…

My heart has changed.  My 3^rd baby did it to me.  She wasn’t what I expected.  I expected chaos.  I expected to feel overwhelmed.  But, I’m not.  I haven’t been.  I won’t be.  She did that to me.  She came to us to make us remember how to slow down.  She came to us cooing and smiling and so ready and willing to jump into this family, full force.  She made me remember what it is like to stop rushing.  She taught me how to feel content in the everyday, nursing and snuggling and holding.  SLOWING DOWN!  Life can get so crazy.  We are always trying to do this and that, signing up our kids in this sport or that event.  We are falling behind on paperwork.  But, when she cries, I pick her up, not because I have time to do it, but because that trumps all the paperwork piled on my table.  My other two kids are a little older (almost 6 and 4) so they are more independent also.  No diapers.  They sit at the table and eat and get dressed on their own.  They play together for hours.  They run in the sprinklers and the baby and I watch, silently…happily.  They come downstairs with nightgowns on and slippers and I feel like I can cry tears of gratitude.

I wasn’t expecting this.  I wasn’t dreading it, but I just didn’t know.  How could I? 

I didn’t know how lucky she is, to get the best of me.  And I didn’t know how lucky I was, to become what she needs so easily.  Maybe it is the support I have?!  I have a wonderful babysitter who does almost all of the crazy school pick-ups and drop offs. (life saver).   And of course I have a saint of a mom who runs toward the war zone with arms outstretched and immediately makes my house new again and makes me feel whole again.  She finds joy in helping me dig myself out of the piles of laundry and crusty floors.  She sleeps over for a few days at a time and wakes up with coffee in her hand and an empty hamper.  But more than that, she gives me mental support.  Just by being here, she brings us all peace.  She is what I hope to be for my 3 daughters, everything they need and more.

Whatever the formula, whatever the reason, I’m just happy with what has transpired.  This baby has come and brought me calm.  I absolutely have felt crazy and chaotic numerous times, flipping a pancake with a baby hanging in the bjorn and/or chasing a naked 3 year old down the hall with a screaming baby on the floor, BUT, it is my heart that remains steady and calm. 

After multiple people have told me, “The 3^rd baby will break you!”  I’m happy to say that the opposite has happened.  She has put me back together. 

Sometimes the best things happen when you least expect them.  Sometimes, something or someone will come into your life at the right time to make you realize who you are.  I have never tried to hide myself.  But I can honestly say that she has made me a better mother. 

Thank goodness for her.  She has come with kissable cheeks and sweet love and given me the best gift, the best of me.