Balance

Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.
~Robert Breault

I watched my daughter run all the way to school this morning. I’m like, “where does she get the energy?” They just go all day long, from morning to their head hits that pillow. I can barely keep up. I’m a stay-at-home mom so I don’t really get to close my eyes and breathe. I find moments, for sure, but it is the time when it is all about the kids. Or, it is a lot about the kids. But it is about me too. It has to be. The “self” will thrive when the “self” is nourished.

Last night I was so tired around 6:30 that I threw myself on the bed and hoped that they would watch at least 30 minutes of uninterrupted television. Please no asking for water or milk or snacks. Please pretend I don’t exist. I love that lady that put the bag over her head and her kids knew not to bother her. I need a bag. I’d bag anything to get a minute. Is this the “self” I speak about?!

Nah! Don’t bag your “self!”

I know these are the little things that the quote is talking about, watching my girls run to school, getting to see all the little, everyday things. I know I’ll look back and laugh at my face down self wishing for a moment of peace and then I’ll say a little wish to myself, wanting to throw myself back there. Perhaps. I say perhaps because maybe I will just try to enjoy every minute of every day and not look back. Maybe I will try not to look forward either. Maybe I will just try to look at the moments of now. This is all that we have. And maybe I’ll make it all about the kids. And maybe I’ll also find time to make it about me. Balance!

I’m actually pretty aware of the little things that are big things. I’m aware that when my 3 year old shakes her bootie and gets low to the ground, that this is big. (Even though my mom thinks it’s kind of inappropriate). Ha! I know when my 5 year old goes to gymnastics and looks up to where I’m sitting to give me a thumbs-up, it is so big. I know she has overcome an obstacle. Huge! I know when I pick her up from school and she starts with, “Guess what!”—I know it is big because I know that phrase means happiness. I know it is good. I’m trying to realize all of this so I don’t have to look back with any sort of regret. Let’s forget about regret and mom-guilt and all the nonsense. Let’s just try our best to find the best sort of balance we can by understanding that our everyday lives are everything. And in those everyday lives, our “self” can emerge freely.

Now that I am out of the morning sickness fog, I am seeing clearer. I’m trying to enjoy it. I don’t want to say, “after I give birth I’ll enjoy it more because I can have a glass of wine,” or “when I’m in better shape,” or “when I can stay up later,” etc, etc, etc. I don’t want to have to wait until….

So I won’t.

I’m enjoying the now. I’m holding hands with my little girls. I’m hugging. I’m enjoying my life. I’m getting the best sort of exercise that I can while pregnant. I am doing the Bar Method, bending and stretching and breathing. I am focusing on the moments when I can be by myself and breathe, while trying to keep myself in shape. I love it. I think it is keeping me centered too. Anything that allows you to stay in the moment is something that I will always gravitate toward. Positivity. If you can find that sort of peace in your everyday life, then I think you are finding a way to live your best everyday life.

Be there for your children, but be there for yourself too. Find something in your life that gives you positivity and allows you to breathe.

And although it is easy to get bogged down with the grind. It is easy to forget why we do what we do. It is easy to succumb to the 5:00 pm witching hour with the tears and the tantrums. It is easy to think that it’s too hard, not enough or too much. Try and remember to make the best of what you have got. Do the best for yourself and your body and your children of course.

Remember that it isn’t just about them though. It is about you too.