Infertility is the place where you cry behind closed
doors. You feel like that singular flame
burning long and flickering in sadness, alone.
It is a whisper that shouts. It
is the pain that bleeds. It is a race
that you are trying to run but you have metal plates in your shoes; slow, wide,
winded steps. Each step takes
years. Each year floats by like a
drifting ship at sea; one with no destination.
You wake up empty handed again and again. But you will not stop…ever. I know.
I’ve been there. People who I
love have been there. Yes they
have.
That’s right. We are
owning our journeys and we aren’t hiding behind any stigmas! As you now know, I am not fertile
Myrtle. Well actually, I could get
pregnant, I just couldn’t hold it. There
was a time when I didn’t think I could have a baby. Infertility rang my bell and knocked at my
door. Thankfully, I opened it and shut
it quick. But, for a period of over 3
years, I questioned it often. One thing
I learned through those years is that it is nothing to be ashamed of. It is nothing to look down upon. And there is nothing wrong with a little
help.
Resolve to know more.
This is the theme of 2014. Know
your options. Be aware and do not be
ashamed. I don’t want to sit here and
talk about adoption, egg donors, and embryo donation. I honestly do not know a lot about it
all. But, I am here to encourage you to
seek the next step; to tell you that you aren’t alone and to tell a story of
hope. After all, when I was going
through it, I had people to lean on and people were able to lean on me in
return. In the end, I was one of the
lucky ones. But, I am well-aware that
there are women out there who aren’t as lucky.
I pray and hope for all of them.
When I was struggling, I worked with someone who was
struggling as well. When I got pregnant,
she was so supportive and happy for me, even as she was going through round
after round of IVF. She started to give
up having her own baby around the time I was due. She started collecting information on
adoption, etc. It was a long struggle
for her. (6 IUI’s, 3 Rounds of IVF, 1
miscarriage) I’ll never forget going
back to work 3 weeks post-partum and sitting in her office begging her not to
give up. It was honestly the only reason
why I worked that day. I went there to
convince her to give it one more try.
“Please,” I said, “I just know that you will get your baby. One more round. I will do anything to help” (It must have
been the hormones talking for me to be so bold). Our boss, who happens to be her husband, let
me skip my session the next hour so I could sit with her a little longer. I convinced her to try again, to have hope. She did.
Her limits were stretched but she stretched them longer. Her ship was drifting but she saw the
lighthouse in the distance.
She.Tried.Again.
She.Got.Her.Wish.
She.Never.Gave.Up!
Her twins are 3 years old.
Our struggles united our souls. Only a few times in life will you meet
someone who speaks to your soul. She
does. Meet Daryl Martin. She is not ashamed to say who she is. She is proud of her journey. She is proud of
her struggles and she is proud of her persistence.
I asked her, “What helped you through it? What would you say to someone struggling?”
She responded, “There’s nothing I can say. It’s just so hard!!! Nothing made me feel
better except you. Because you
knew. My advice then is to find someone
who can hold your hand, hug you, listen to you and can say, ‘I know.”
She went on to say, “The only other thing that kept me going
to get what I wanted was thinking to let my dreams be bigger than my fears.”
She finished by
stating, “Infertility tests the limits of yourself and all the relationships
you’re in.”
It does. It
hurts. It is all-encompassing. But, but, but…
Sometimes…
Somehow…
Your destination becomes clear. And for everyone, that destination is
different. Maybe it is IUI, IVF,
adoption, or surrogacy. Maybe it is
finally making a decision to be happy no matter what happens. Perhaps it is deciding that you cannot do
another thing/round/try. Or maybe, like
Daryl, it is giving yourself one more try. Your heart will tell you. It will never lead you astray. Trust it.
But, whatever it is and wherever you are going, there will
be a moment when everything finally clicks together. The stars align. The light gets brighter. The weights are out and you can run fast. Home is on the horizon. You will end up where you were meant to
be.
Best of luck to everyone out there who is struggling. Remember you are not alone.
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