Random Thoughts

I was at the zoo with my girls and there was another mom with her daughter.  Her daughter looked to be about 2 years old or so.  I think the little girls said, “Tired,” to her mom and her mom said, “well, you already had a nap today since you woke up at 4:30 in the morning, didn’t you?”  I thought it was weird that she seemed to be talking to me through her daughter.  I feel like she wanted me to know because she said it loud and looked in my direction.  Although I feel for her as a fellow mom, I don’t give two flying craps about it.  I really don’t like when people talk through their nonverbal children.  It’s like a tick or something.  Do you want me to say, “4:30 oh jeez, that’s early.  Sorry????”  I would have but my daughter was running at full speed away from me and my other was running in the other direction.  We all have our problems chickie.

I took my girls out to a park to celebrate my younger daughter’s 2^nd birthday.  I thought it would be fun.  For once, my 2 year old had a blast but it was my 4 year old who decided to drag her feet a little bit.  I feel like I have had it with the whining and complaining lately.  I mean, it’s the summer.  They have nice toys, lots of pretty clothes, food to eat, and fun things to do.  WHAT IS THERE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT?  Sometimes I feel like I want to strip them blind.  I mean, strip all of these benefits from them and start fresh with a piece of log to sit on, a hole in the ground to pee, and a few pieces of leaves to play with.  Now, complain!  I mean, sitting in the air conditioned house with 100 princess dolls to play with isn’t cutting it.  We need little reminders don’t we?  We have it good.  I really want them to grow up understanding their good fortune.  I have to think about how to accomplish this enormous task..the task of every parent EVER—to teach their children how to appreciate what they have.

The other day I was getting my nails done and there were 4 teenagers sitting together drying their toes.  I mean, the GOSSIP!  It was hilarious.  I was snickering to myself.  They were talking about another “friend” who “liked” a picture and then “unliked” it on facebook.  “Could you believe she unliked it?  I mean, can you even do that?  What is she trying to say?”  At one point, they were all talking loudly AND at the same time.  I really CANNOT remember the time when that was me.  I can’t even fathom it.  I turned away and thought about how I asked my husband numerous times to close the drawers after he opens them.  That was my morning.  “Please close the drawers and cupboards after you open them.  Please!  I don’t go into your work and mess around with your spreadsheets, do I?”  So much for liking and unliking pictures on facebook.  I have bigger fish to fry.  The cupboards and the drawers.  SHEESH!  How fast do we go from THERE to HERE…?

I was at a birthday party and my friend’s husband was talking about his little baby who tends to cry and scream a bit; just like my little feisty 2 year old.  He said and I quote, “He has 100 different emotions and 2 ways to show them.”  BRILLIANT!  I wanted to shout it from the rooftops.  100 different feelings and emotions and only 2 ways to show them, crying and smiling.  Confusion, relief, fear, love, pain, heartache, and humor are just a few examples of the array of emotions that may have and yet they do not know how to express them.  They are stuck with a laugh or a cry.  At that moment I realized, I have to be easier on my 2 year old who has so much to say and no way to say it or show it…poor thing.  Although I wish she would choose “the smile” to express most of these emotions, she doesn’t and I guess I have to try and help her along; help her find her voice. 

 

Speaking of voices, I feel like my second child is trying to find her voice within our family.  She does whine and complain A LOT!  She has a strong mind and is strong willed; something I believe she has become because of her place in the family.  She constantly has to try and protect what she wants to play with because my 4 year old is always running over and snatching it from her.  My 2 year old constantly screams, “NO MINE, MINE!”  It is her mantra at the moment.  She always thinks that the things she has and LOVES will be taken away.  I mean everything.  Last weekend we were driving in the evening out east and the moon was in her window.  “Daddy look, moon,” she said.  “Yes,” we said, “you see the moon? “  “YESH,” she answered strongly and without doubt.  We turned the car and headed in another direction and the moon was on the other side, out of my 4 year old’s window.  “Look mommy, now I see the moon.”  “NO, MOON MINE,” my 2 year old said.  “MINE, MINE, MOON MINE!”  My husband and I LAUGHED HYSTERICALLY.  “It is not your moon sweetie, it is everyone’s moon.”  “NO MINE,” she finished.  Oh, ok.  Take the moon.  God knows you don’t get to keep anything else.

I usually have themes to most of my posts that I try to stick to and then connect it all in the end.  I always try to put a positive spin on parenting and being a mom and in life in general.  What else do we have?  This is it…our life.  Let’s make it count.  All these stories are woven into a tapestry of typical life events.  They are random and mean nothing and everything.  I’m always looking around and thinking and analyzing people, places, and things.  Sometimes I think too much.  Sometimes I outthink myself.  And sometimes, I allow myself to think clearly and share my thoughts with you, hoping you can relate and hoping you might appreciate my candor. 

Hope you have a great week and are enjoying your summer so far!

N

Thy True Self

“To thine own self be true” – William Shakespeare

My 4 year old daughter is amazing.  She is sweet, serious, silly, and motherly.  But, she can also be standoff-ish.  Sometimes, she wants to play alone and be alone.  I am completely fine with that.  Last week, she was at the pool and didn’t feel like playing with her best friend.  She wanted to spin in circles with her Ariel doll.  I felt bad for her friend, because she was upset.  I told my daughter that as long as she tells her friend nicely that she wants to play by herself, it is ok.  She can play alone.  Now my question is, do I or should I explain this to her friend’s mother? 

Do I make excuses for her?  “Oh you know, kids will be kids.  She is a little tired because she has been here since 10 am and its 2:30.  She also didn’t have a huge breakfast so she could be hungry…blah blah blah…”  Should I go into it?  My answer is no.  I shouldn’t.  Of course, I want her to play with her friend and of course I don’t want her friend to be upset.  That stinks from her mother’s point of view and from my point of view also.  I really don’t like to see her little friend sitting by herself at the pool upset because my daughter won’t play.  Are you kidding, I want to drag my daughter by her hand and tell her to do the happy dance with her friend.  But, at the same time I cannot make my child play with another.  I cannot force them to hold hands, skip around, and like it.  “You are going to have fun, and you are going to LIKE IT!”

I still believe in being inclusive and all that, but I also believe that we have to let our children figure out this world on their own.  We cannot make them play a certain way, fight all of their battles, and make excuses for them when they don’t feel like playing.  We need to own our children for who they are.  Do I love when my daughter gets standoff-ish?  No.  Do I accept it?  Yes.  Do I love that my 2 year old cries from 5-6 pm after her nap?  No. Do I accept it?  Yes.  Do I rejoice in the fact that my daughter gets quiet and over stimulated in a big crowd?  Not really.  But I accept it.  I have to.  If I try to change my children or make them someone or something that they are not, they will not be happy.  They will grow up in this world unable to TRUST their own instincts.  I don’t want that for them.  There are some things that I’ll force (safety, lessons, being kind)  and there are some things that I’ll let go.  At the pool, when my daughter didn’t want to play, I let that one go.  It is what it is.  They are who they are.  And I am fine with my daughter and who she is.   She is beautiful and lovely and I will never think differently, even when she doesn’t feel like playing with her friends and even when she is being standoff-ish. 

I just think the one thing we really shouldn’t do is make excuses for our children.  They are who they are.  We, as parents, need to own it and try not to get involved with the little day to day troubles.

As long as they aren’t being mean on purpose or hitting or shoving, let’s let them be.

Also, as parents we should always understand our side and we should always try and understand the other side.  One day, my daughter will be on the receiving end and I will tell her that is ok.  Sometimes her friends want to play alone as well.  I will not place blame on the other mother or child.    

I’m noticing now that my daughter is 4, that we have to start to relinquish control and let them live.  “To thine own self be true” It is so old fashioned, but timeless all the same.  We have to let them be true to themselves.  We have to be true to ourselves.  If we can all stay true to what and who we are, we will all be close to real, good old-fashioned happiness.     

Holy High Maintenance

I promise myself once my girls are old enough to read, I will stop blogging.  Until then…

10 reasons why my daughters are high maintenance, JUST TODAY!!!!  --and it is 4 pm. NOTE: the italics are internal thoughts.

1.       “This waffle is yellow.  I like it brown.  I’m not eating the yellow one.” – 4 year old.

2.       4-year old will only wear the RUPUNZEL bathing suit to the pool if we go.  “Only the Rupunzel bathing suit…or not going.” Do I have to do another load of laundry?

3.       2-year old sits on lap when friends are over.  Doesn’t play.  And I must be feeding her something.  Preferably, grapes but anything works.  Then she gets upset when she must SIT on my lap and not stand. 

4.       My 4-year old wasn’t happy with the way I cut her hot dog for lunch.  She wanted fourths not halves and wasn’t going to touch it until I fixed it.  It isn’t hot outside, why are my armpits sweating?

5.       2 year old purposely falls in the grass.  I don’t look.  She lays there until I do.

6.       “I am not going poop today.  Not ever!” – 4 year old.

7.       MUST HAVE MILK IN THE ARIEL CUP!—NOT CINDERELLA.  Wash and dry the Cinderella cup.

8.       2-year old wants Hello Kitty in her crib for nap and then decides, NO HELLO KITTY and I must go back upstairs and get it out of her crib. Why didn’t she just throw it out?

9.       “This isn’t a dress, it’s a long shirt.  I want to wear a dress only.  NO LONG SHIRTS” -4 year old.

10.   “Mommy off” says 2 year old pointing to her dry diaper after I changed it 10 minutes ago

Removing Toxins

I am reading a book right now and there was a paragraph that struck me.

“…having my own children has helped me to realize that it’s difficult, if not impossible, to choose between your family’s needs and your own and to balance all the demands on your time.”

Excerpt from “I Couldn’t Love You More” –Jillian Medoff

If you are a mom, you know this.  This is probably every mother’s complaint at one point in her life.  How do we find the time?  How do I balance?

If you have followed me along this journey of blogging and posting, you know I have struggled losing the baby weight and finding balance.  You have seen my ups and downs through motherhood.  I remember wearing yoga pants and complaining about my appearance with a 2 year old and an 8 month old; the unpainted nails, the unkempt look, the spare tire…the whole nine.  Maybe I’m an idiot for admitting this but it is true so there you have it.  We have all been there.  Who knows, you could be there now?!   You could be finger pointing at your 3 year old with gritted teeth while your newborn cries in the infant carrier seat as your stomach rolls over your waistband.  The life of a mother.  I was there, and my first thought was always, “I hope nobody can see or hear me,” as I lose it.  Not likely.

That thought however, “I hope nobody can see or hear me,” followed me throughout life.  I didn’t want people to truly see or hear me.  I didn’t feel like myself.  It was toxic.  I didn’t have the energy to talk to people.  I didn’t have the motivation.  But, luckily it all changed for the better.  I made balance a priority.  I put myself at the top of the list.

I sit here 26 pounds lighter since January 1.  I did a nutritional cleanse which changed me on the outside, but more so, it changed me on the inside.  And THAT, is the change we need as moms.  We need constant inside work.  We are ever-changing women with ever-changing needs.  Our needs have to be fulfilled in every way, in the way we choose.  If that happens, then we will be better moms because we will be happy.  I became a better mom because my relationships changed.  And, I wanted to be seen and heard.

I know it seems virtually impossible to balance time and take care of yourself as well as your family.  But, it is possible.  It’s about making the time for yourself to keep up or to change.  I chose change.  If I tried to keep up with what I was doing, I would have wound up in a deep dark hole.  But, I changed.  I never looked back.

My relationship with food changed.  No longer was I using it for peace or happiness.  No longer are we married to each other and no longer do I rely on it to fulfill any lacking needs.   I stopped putting garbage in my mouth.  I stopped relying on it.     

My relationships at home changed.  No longer am I short-tempered with my girls.  No longer does my husband come home to a grumpy McGrump!  He comes home to a well-balanced mom to 2 pretty well-balanced girls.  Give or take.

The biggest change was the one I have with myself.  My energy, the way I look and feel, the way I carry myself…all changed.  I cleansed on the inside and outside.  I cleansed for my life.  I cleanse for my children.  I keep cleansing.  People ask me if I’m going to do this forever.  Some judge.  Some ask with a look of disapproval.  Some try to tell me I’m not doing it the healthy way because I lost it all too quickly.  Thankfully, I don’t care what anyone thinks.  I only care about how I feel and that I know I’m doing what is right for me.  Cleansing is about something more than meets the eye.  It is about removing toxins from your life in the form of anything that takes you away from your true happiness.  Toxins aren’t just in food.  They lurk in the form of disapproval and judgment.  But, I turn a blind eye to them all.  I throw them in the trash and kick it to the curb.  I found support from people who have similar goals.  I found myself again.  I couldn’t be happier.

Moms, find your balance.  Remove your toxins.  Put yourself on the top of the list.  Make a change. 

 

If you want to find out more about nutritional cleansing.  Please message me on facebook.