Mom Wars

I realize that ‘mom wars’ are unsupportive in nature and stem from a difference in opinions and parenting styles. I believe the term “Mom Wars” started with the age-old stay –at- home mom vs. working moms.  But now, it has spread into other issues including attachment parenting in other words breast-feeding dos and do nots, every kind of competition (attire, hosting skills, volunteerism, education level, pedigree, house beautiful or not) and a difference in parenting styles in general.  Be happy with yourself, but not too happy, otherwise it degenerates into self-righteousness. Nothing makes people talk more than smug self-righteousness.

Self-righteous moms are the ones that whispered in the corner to discuss what you were wearing in High School are now whispering in the corner about how long you did or didn’t breastfeed.  “Oh my god, can you believe ‘so and so’ didn’t give their kid a time-out when he acted that way!”  Or, “look at her nails, how can she even go out like that.  Can’t she make time for herself?”  Sometimes they don’t even whisper.  These moms judge loudly.  “I wouldn’t do it like that,” they say.  They ask you questions and then make faces when you answer.  You know we see those faces.  Their way is the only way. Whether they say these things overtly or covertly, they spark insecurities, and create “Mom Wars!”

For the most part, most moms parent within reason.  If you are hanging your baby from a balcony window like Michael Jackson, or leaving your infant in the tub unattended, well then…get ready to be judged.  But, if you are going about your business, parenting your child the best way you can and then you are judged, I have something to say.  It isn’t you.  It’s them. These moms that think they can judge are full of phony baloney.  But I still feel like I have to answer to these silent judges.  I still want to defend myself to these moms.  Don’t we all?  Because we don’t want to ever feel inferior to anyone else.  That never feels good.

My kids ate baby food from Uncle Gerber who pureed very well “GASP!”

but I was able to breastfed both of them. “REDEEMED!! HOPEFULLY NOT TOO LONG”, they will say, “-14 months and 10 months.” Is that too long? 

I coddled a little too much at times “HOW COULD SHE?” and it has led me to fear the beginning of school and dropping her off. “WELL, SHE DESERVES THAT.” 

When my baby cries for me, I pick her up…every time “THAT BABY WILL NEVER LEARN,” I hear them saying with a judgmental tone… except at night, I let her cry if she doesn’t want to go to bed.  “COLD-HEARTED!”

Hey…I can’t win?!  Doesn’t it feel like that sometimes? 

Everyone has an opinion, I guess.  But, the best thing about all of that was that it was my decision.  I made my choices, despite the people pointing fingers telling me how it is done.  I own my mistakes.  I own my place.  Go ahead and judge if you need to if I’m not perfect about it.  But, we don’t all need to be judges and contestants all the time.  This isn’t a game show. This is life. Let’s just ‘be.’  Stop worrying about everyone else and worry about yourself. 

Look, we are all different and that is what makes the world go round.  But, we also have to develop an important concept and practice it daily, “to each her own.”  If someone wants to put their child in time-outs who cares if they do or don’t!.  If moms will NOT breastfeed because they think it is gross, that is their choice.  If Betty Sue over there wants to act like she’s got all the answers because she read the books and her kid sits nicely with his hands folded, then she will get a rude awakening at some point.  She might have fresh highlights but she doesn’t have a fresh heart.  The façade cannot last forever miss Betty Sue.  You see, Betty, if you act like you got it all together, it doesn’t mean you are better.   No siree.  Your circus show will fall flat.  Your fresh highlights will go gray. It isn’t supportive missy.  So talk it up if you need to.  Play the part.  Judge loudly.  But, soon enough you will be sitting alone with your well-behaved child and manicured nails wondering why nobody else is sitting next to you.  You created a Mom War with your guns a blazing… and now you have to sit in the aftermath of it and watch the supportive moms laugh and joke over wine.  The good ones are out there.  Let’s surround ourselves with them.

Because, at the end of the day when your kids are sleeping in their cribs or beds; whether they are sharing a room with a sibling or in bed with mom and dad; no matter how you got there, no matter what you do, it is your choice.  The best mom in the whole wide world lies within all of us.  If we all do the best we can do, we will all be able to sleep at night. And then, I guess it won’t matter what anyone says.  But I hope, for all of our sakes, that we found other moms to surround ourselves with, who support us wholeheartedly, and see the beauty in our children and in us.

In the end, however, I think it is time to let go of the strings of adolescence; it is time to grow up.  

Me first!  Anyone in?