When my first daughter was 9 months old, I had her in a
Gymboree class. I took the class with an
acquaintance from a neighboring town. My
daughter loved it. That is where she
learned how to walk, throw, and climb. One of the days, my daughter threw a soft,
plush ball in the direction of another kid, which obviously wasn’t intentional
at 9 months of age. She was just
learning how to manage that throw. The
mother took the ball and put it in her face and said, “That’s not nice.” I looked around the room trying to process
the situation in front of me, almost looking for someone else to give me the
eye. You know, the ‘I’m with you’ kind of eye.
Did that just happen? Isn’t there
some sort of Mom Code against this? I
was a first time mom so I just didn’t know if this is what happened; if moms
threw other moms under the bus like that.
I wasn’t sure if the high school mentality was coming back with a
vengeance, shaking its finger, taunting me.
“It’s not oveeeeerrrr!!!!”
And so it was there, my first example of someone breaking
the mom code. 6 years and 3 kids
later….oh I am seeing and I am learning; what is appropriate and what is
not?!
Here are the top 10 Mom Codes to follow.
1.
Reciprocate.
If another mom picks up your child from school, at some point you should
definitely reciprocate with a pick-up or a drop off. Ditto for the playdate. If someone takes your child at their house,
have them at your house the next time. We
can only do what we can do though, so don’t break your back. We all understand sick kids, new babies, and
out of the ordinary situations. But, if
all is going fine, make sure you give back.
We should all try and make it a little easier on each other.
2.
Don’t judge.
This is such a hard one because it is so easy to. Just remember when you see a kid having a
meltdown; that might be you tomorrow.
Or, maybe that was you yesterday.
We are all on the same train, heading in the same direction. We all want the conductor to ring the bell in
our honor when we are doing well. But
remember when we aren’t, the last thing we need is the chuckle, the wide-eyed
look, or the under the breath comments.
3.
Sick kids should stay home. Maybe you don’t want to miss the party, but
if your kid has a fever, stay home. If
your kid is puking on Sunday but wakes up feeling like a million bucks on
Monday morning, keep them home. You
don’t want to spread the virus. It is
selfish to bring sick kids around other healthy kids, especially babies. We, of course, don’t want our kids to be
sick, but the biggest thing is the fact that it really messes up our sleep and
our days if we are up all night with a congested/puking/coughing baby/child.
4.
Don’t discipline other people’s kids in front of
their parent. (The infamous Gymboree
situation) Your kid gets slapped by
another kid at the park. You aren’t sure
if the parent sees it. They probably
did, but they pretend they don’t. They
don’t want to deal with it. What do you
do? This is a hard one. I always ignore the first time. I tell my child to play somewhere else. If the child follows my child and does it
again, I will go up to the mother and tell her.
At that point, it is up to her.
If she doesn’t discipline her child right there, I don’t think I can
judge. Maybe she will at home. Maybe she has a “no discipline” rule. I don’t know.
I can only control my child. I
would hope they would fix the situation and try and raise a decent human being. But, I am not sure it is my place to teach
them that lesson. I’ll just probably
blog about it. Ha!
5.
Don’t steal babysitters. Friday and Saturday nights are always up for
grabs. But, if you know someone has a
babysitter every Friday morning. Don’t
try to snag that sitter for the same time without asking the person. Sometimes babysitters can be part of the
family. And sometimes it takes a while
to find someone you trust. It is easy to
take a sitter from someone after they spent the time doing the grunt work. Nobody owns anyone else. And of course anyone (babysitters/moms) can
go anywhere else. But as a mom, you
should ask first. Most moms would say,
“Well, I have her on Fridays but if you need her Mondays, go for it.” Right?!
Most moms should share if they aren’t in need. Just know that if you are sneaky about it or
do it behind another mom’s back; it breaks the mom code.
6.
Don’t brag.
Ok, we all have super, wonderful amazing kids. We all think they are the BEES KNEES. My kid can read at level Z! “WOW,” we all think sarcastically. Who cares?
If someone asks, share. But, if
nobody asks, nobody wants to hear. Some
kids might excel in sports. Others might
be great at art. Some kids might be
great dancers or gymnasts, readers or writers.
Every kid has strengths and weaknesses.
Tell the grandparents. Tell the
aunts and uncles. Tell the people who
really want to hear. But to other moms,
have a glass of wine and talk about something else.
7.
The food/drink code. ALWAYS ask parents before offering food to
their child. I always ask if there are
any allergies or anything they shouldn’t have if I have someone over for a
playdate. This hits close to home
because my daughter has food allergies and I always pack her snacks. Also, don’t judge anyone else for what they
do or don’t feed their child. If someone
feeds their kids all organic beets, amazing.
If they feed their kids hot dogs and French fries, more power to you. It’s all good. Same goes for breastfeeding vs formula
feeding. Who cares what people choose to
do? Worry about yourself. See Number 2.
8.
Let other moms vent without judgement. I have a few friends who let me VENT for at
least an hour each week. The important
part about letting other moms vent is that you cannot hold anything against
them later on. This is all a part of
being a mom. Sometimes it is HARD and
the only other person who can understand is another mom with kids the same
age. So, let your mom friends have at
it. It doesn’t mean you don’t like being
a mom. It doesn’t mean you are a bad
mom. Everyone needs an outlet. Be an outlet for someone else without
judgement. As a mom, that is the best
code you can follow.
9.
INCLUDE.
Make sure your kids include other kids.
Make sure you include other moms.
Bring someone else into the conversation at pick up. Invite.
Plan. We are all in this
together. Being a mom binds us. Maybe we wouldn’t necessarily have been
friends in college, but you better believe we have a tie that binds us all
now. So, remember that. Be good to your fellow moms.
10.
Last but not least, Love yourself. Being a mom means there will be times when
you can’t shower or work-out; when you might miss the party. Being a mom means your house will be a mess
after breakfast, lunch and dinner. Being
a mom means there will be times when you have to put your needs aside for the
sake of your children. Being a mom means
following a code and that code says that you have to put your children first. You put them in front of everyone and
everything else. And never apologize for
that! You have to do what is right for
your family. If you miss a birthday
party, a bridal shower, a vacation, a wedding, and/or you decide that you can’t
make something work, it is your RIGHT to make the BEST decision for your
family. And, if they don’t understand,
then that is their problem. But, as a
mom, it is part of our code of honor.
Remember that everyone has to do what is best for their family. That is our code. And love yourself along the way. Because we are all doing our best and are all
beautiful.
Being a mom entails so much.
We all see and interpret the world through our own pair of eyes. But, if we can be kind to each other and remember
to respect one another, we will be able to follow the Mom Code and we will all
being able to feel united. And when all
else fails, choose love.
