Trust

My oldest daughter is starting Kindergarten next week.  We are entering a new era, joining the public school, starting the beginning of growing up.  We will start to get further and further away from dress up and dolls.  We will start to have homework and sit down at the table with a pencil and pen instead of a crayon.  We will have longer days at school, lunch away from home, and packed schedules.  We won’t get to wake up and lay in bed together until 10 am, nor will we get to have lazy days playing hair salon.  We won’t have as much time for play dates with friends outside of our classroom. 

We won’t but then we will.  What we will have, is so much more than we could ever realize.  We will have it together. 

We will have more grown up talks.  I will get to hear more detailed stories about her day.  There will be letters and poems.  She will start to comprehend a better understanding of feelings and of self.  Our connection will blossom into a more mature mother-daughter relationship.

It all starts with kindergarten.  Our first step.

I don’t know what to tell her next week before school.  Be yourself.  Be kind.  Be brave. Make friends.  Have manners.  Listen to your teacher.  Respect your classmates.  Share.  Smile.  Learn.  Be happy.

And then what do I tell myself?

The same things?  Be strong.  Be brave.  Be the rock.  We will get through this. 

I’m a pretty easy going person.  But, one thing I do know is that, kindergarten is a big step.  It is a new step.  We are both going into unchartered territories.  We will both have to enter blindly; there will be new people, a bigger school, new faces, and a new understanding of what is expected of us.

 We will do it together.

The change of season is about renewal.  From summer to fall, the air gets chilled but our hearts get warmer because we are sending our children off to school for others to make sure they are well taken care of and for them to grow. 

One thing we must have is trust.  We have to trust our children to make good decisions.  We have to trust them to carry out everything we have taught them over the years.  We have to trust ourselves, we haven’t been perfect but we have done the right things for our children.  That will show.  We will hear their echoing voices down the hallway and know that they are voices of positivity and kindness, because we taught them that.  At least we tried to…every single day.  We haven’t been perfect because there is no such thing, but we have been perfect in our efforts and struggles.  We have strived to do what is best for them. 

And every day we will see it more and more.  (I just hope the yelling and pulling my hair out doesn’t translate over there)

Good luck getting your babies off to school next week.  We will all be nervous and excited together.  We will all be taking new steps.  Whether its first grade, fourth, high school, pre-k or kindergarten, trust in yourself.  Know that you have done your best and continue to do so.  And if you strive to do your best…so will they.

Understood

Why are Mom friends so important?

I know that I could not survive without them.  They all bring different things to the table but are the same in on thing; their imperfection.  That is what I fall in love with in Mom friends.  That is what I am drawn to.  It makes them human to me, and lovely.  When I see someone trying too hard to be the perfect mom or acting like it is the only thing that makes them tick, it makes me question if I want them in my life.  I don’t want a friend in my life who knows all the answers.  I want someone who doesn’t.  I want us to find out together.  Because after all, there is no ONE answer for anything when it comes to parenting.  Sometimes I think there isn’t an answer at all.  There is just a lot of trying and a lot of imperfection; there is a lot of hoping we are doing the right thing. 

I have always wanted real in my life.  I have always gravitated toward people who can be honest with themselves about the hardships of life, even if they are miniscule.  They are there, nonetheless, for everyone.  I don’t care if you have more money than Donald Trump.  I don’t care if you are a working mom or a stay at home.  I don’t care if you have a struggling marriage or one of perfection.  None of this matters to me.  What matters is being truthful in your journey; being honest in your journey.  And then, sharing that honesty with others in the same boat.  Those people, those moms, are the woman who help me get up in the morning.  They are the ones who I can text at 8:45 am and say, “I have already had the worst day.” And they are the ones who text me back and say, “I’m with you.” Or they text me back something funny and I laugh so hard through my tears. 

They make me feel understood.

Not that I have never felt understood in my life, but I think I feel most understood now.  I’m sure we have all been misunderstood at some point in our lives.  But, what we are now is so much different than what we were then.  Being a Mom changes everything.  In changes our minds, our souls, and our outlook on life.  I try to stay away from the drama of it.  Try.  Sometimes it is hard.  But as long as you surround yourself with the right people, it tends to stay at bay, because, the right people take care of each other.  They lift up. They don’t care if you are class mom.  They don’t care if you bake the best brownies or give the best gifts on Valentine’s Day.  They only care about you.  And when a parent dies or a friend is sick, they offer help.  They make meals.  They send groceries.  They genuinely care.  Is it hard to find supportive moms?  No.  Absolutely not.  It isn’t hard at all.  They surround us all with a wink and knowing smile.  They are at the grocery store.  They are in your gym class.  They are sitting at the pediatrician’s office.  They are in your playgroup or in your Mom’s club.  They are at the pool, at the beach, on Facebook, walking down the street.  They are all here to make you realize that you aren’t alone.  Give them a wink and a wave.  Give them a thumbs up.  Show them that they aren’t alone.  And the ones who are in your life, treasure them.

I celebrate my Mom friends.  I thank them.  I hope they know how much I love them.  I hope they know that I understand them. 

I hope you know that too.

You are understood.

The Schlep

Do you always feeling like you are schlepping somewhere? A bag on your arm, a puddle jumper under your arm pit, a chair hanging from your shoulder, and somehow you have to also hold the hands of your children as you cross the street and THEN you have to hold their pail because it is TOO HEAVY? What? And God forbid you don’t have the right amount of snacks in that full bag of gear?!!!

You know those golf cart looking things that people, (and by people, I mean parents) bring to the beach. For some reason, I was always so against them; like it was giving up. Let me roll myself onto the beach for some fun. You see them pushing these large contraptions onto the beach with all the gear hanging from every crevice of the cart. I always thought, why do they need so much stuff? Simplicity people!!!! Then, I became a parent. I don’t have one, but now I look at them longingly as I schlep all the STUFF. We truly need all that STUFF!

I know it isn’t just me. I know these things happen to everyone. I know it. I see it. I see the numerous bathroom breaks, the eye-rolls by the Moms, the snack begging, and the sunscreen fights at the pool/beach. I see it all. We all have to deal with these things. It is our certificate for summer parenting.

But the truth is this; life as a parent always consists of a lot of schlepping. Schlepping, packing up and rubbing. Like, are we always rubbing sunscreen on our kids? Is there an invention we can create to make this easier? Now we can’t even use the spray, god dang it. Inhaling chemicals from the spray sunscreen?? Did you see that article? You must have seen it. It went viral. Who said that; a person laughing behind their computer screen and watching all of us chase our kids around with white goop on our hands? He is laughing that evil laugh from the corner of the pool area, reading an article about the biggest myths in America and using his binoculars to watch us suffer, close up. Chemicals my butt! I mean, I won’t do it, but I’m not happy about it. Not happy at all. Well, I mean, now I spray it on my hand and rub. Hope that is ok.

Click here to read the article that went viral

So here we are, schlepping, rubbing, and feeding. Do your kids always want every single snack at the pool/beach? They won’t play; they will just sit at your feet and beg for snacks. And it is never good enough. You didn’t bring pretzels? How could you?! Do you ever just want to be like, “GO PLAY!!!!!?” Enough with the snacks and the tubes and the pool toys. Go swallow water or float on your back. Isn’t that what we did as kids?

But you know what, when you finally get there and put the bag down and open your chair, it is all worth it. And then sometimes they will surprise you and they will go play. They will play for 2 hours straight and you will put your face in the sun and soak it up. You will talk to your friends and watch them play and splash. And you know what; we earned it; because we do so much. We deserve to bask in the sun amidst all the paraphernalia. We deserve the easy moments too. Those are the moments you can take a minute and truly appreciate everything that you have and everything that you do. Those snippets of relaxation make it all worth it.

It’s life.

It isn’t always easy. It rarely is. But, we get through the hard things so that we may enjoy the trouble-free, undemanding, laid-back things. We all have to carry our baggage through the airport, but sometimes we land in paradise. There are those who have to commute hot and sweaty to work but get to buy themselves something that have always wanted from the sacrifice. Some of us have to carry along a big pregnant belly so that we may get to hold a piece of heaven. Our baggage gets us our stillness. Our schlepping brings us to peace. Our rubbing allows our children to safely splash in the sun. Our work allows us to enjoy some rewards.

Maybe it is a free 2 hours. Maybe it is a snuggle at the pool. Perhaps it is the biggest smile you have ever seen as they lick an ice pop. Maybe your daughter will sing you to sleep after a long day in the sun.

Whatever your reward is, enjoy it. Bask it in. You’ve earned it.

It isn’t always easy. But, it will ALWAYS be worthwhile.