Abandon Ship

Let me set the scene. My (almost) 3 year old daughter didn’t take a nap. We were on vacation out east with my in-laws. There were a lot of people over, some of them I have met before and some of them I have never met; my husband’s very warm and inviting family friends. It was about 3 pm, prime meltdown mode via no nap. It was at that time that a boat ride was decided. My older daughter didn’t want to go (thank goodness). I was determined to distract the little one right out of it, but it didn’t work. She had her Dora life jacket on and she was ready to go, determined to go. I really wanted someone to say that there wasn’t enough room for us, but there was. Of course there was. On the walk over, I knew. I just knew. This won’t go well.

Did you ever decide that mid-event/trip/excursion, that it was enough? That you couldn’t take another minute and so you ABORT the mission? It can happen anywhere, the park, the pool, the museum. All of the sudden, enough is enough. Even on the ride over, you know. You know it is a mistake. Someone won’t be able to take it. Someone is going to lose it. Maybe it will be you? Most likely, it will be them. So you decide at that MOMENT…”we are leaving.” Pack it up. It’s over. It could literally be 5 minutes into it but it doesn’t matter. You are done.

On a bright sunny Saturday, as a Mom, that was me. I got myself into a situation where I needed to ABORT. And so, I did what I had to do. I had to Abandon Ship.

At the beginning of the boat ride, she was fine. But then everyone started tubing and she wanted to go. She was too little, of course, and the tube was too small for two people and so I had to say no. Well, that was not on her little agenda. Her little 2 ½ year old mind could not possibly fathom this alternate scenario. She screamed and cried. I knew it was coming. I sensed it early on. The tubing and the fact that she wasn’t allowed to drive the boat, just exacerbated it. She didn’t stop and at that point, I needed to get off. I needed to get out. She was tantruming in a small, somewhat unsafe space. Everyone was having a blast, enjoying the sun, riding the tube, and I was trying to think of an escape plan. I finally told my father in law; we need to be dropped off. (Not to mention the fact that my husband had scheduled a dinner with clients and I had to be ready by 6 pm). It was 4:45.

I sat and talked to her in a quiet voice and she somewhat calmed down, but I knew another storm was brewing. One misstep and it could be set off.

And so, he stopped the boat about 30 feet from the shore. Brain overload. I guess I assumed we would be dropped off at the dock, but because everyone was still tubing, this seemed to be our only exit option. But I’m fully dressed, I thought. I didn’t have time to get into my bathing suit before the ride. My husband and a few other people were floating on rafts along the shore of the bay and I handed our little one over board to my husband. He passed her along. I, on the other hand, was fully clothed, still decked out in my 4th of July red and white striped dress with a full blue skirt. I had shoes on. My husband said to me, “step on the raft and I will pull you over to the beach.” Am I doing this? Do I really need to get off this boat that bad? The girl with me said, “I think you are.” Because of time constraints, I said, “I guess I am.” A fully clothed 30 something-year old woman, a raft, and 30 feet of bay to cover. How do you think it went?

I stepped on the raft, it deflated, and I went under. I started treading water like I was drowning and my father-in-law leaned over the side of the boat and said, “Noreen, you know you can stand.” Oh. I guess I don’t have to flail my arms around and gasp for breath. Ha! I walked through the water, tripped over a rock on the way, and then finally made it to shore, soaked and salty with seaweed literally hanging off my legs and arms. It’s ok. You can laugh. At that point…who cares, I was off. I took a shower and was ready by 5:45 (with time to spare).

We had a great night and rehashed the story a million times over, everyone laughing about it, me included. Of course you have to laugh at yourself. The things we do as Moms. What we will do to get out of something. The things we will do to avoid a meltdown in front of strangers. (Thank goodness they had a sense of humor). Realizing when the moment is over. Understanding yourself and your children enough to know when the trip/excursion/outing is done. Figuring out that it is time to get out with the least amount of casualties, saving ourselves and maybe a little bit of pride, a smidgen?! Knowing that sometimes they had enough, but sometimes it is us who has had enough. And when we find ourselves treading water in 3 ft., fully clothed with a 4th of July dress clinging to our every part, holding our shoes in each hand, we know that a Mom will always do what we have to do, to survive.

Switch Flip

A few weeks ago, I wrote a post that I never sent.  I had a really terrible, off week.  One of those “the world is ending” weeks; one of those, “I’m a terrible Mom” weeks.  

I wrote:

“Today is a day that I truly feel like I don’t have anything together.  Nothing is clicking for me.  Nobody is clicking with me.  I am missing my stride.  I know it is just a moment in time and everything will be back to normal in a few days.  I have so much to do and I can’t get anything done.  I miss school, desperately.  School is the equivalent of everything wonderful and happy for me.  I know they are learning something.  I know there is no TV involved, and in the end, it makes me a good parent.  I’m a good parent and all I did was drop them off. 

I’m currently between school and camp.  Now, I’m a mediocre parent.  Last week was a long rainy week and so I was a poor parent.  How on earth do I keep my kids entertained between the hours of 8 am and 7 pm with rain involved?  When the sun is out, it is definitely easier with the parks and swings.  When it is raining, it might as well be January and 20 degrees for all I care.”

I realized after I wrote it that it sounded so negative and pissy (for lack of a better word).  The truth is nobody wants to hear me rant.  We all have hard days.  So, I stopped myself and decided to turn it around and write Blink (posted last week).  After I wrote it, I felt much better.  I flipped a switch in my head.  I clicked it and I instantly felt better.  I decided to focus on how much my 2 young girls have changed my life for the better and how time flies and that we need to make these moments count.  I decided to make it count.  Sometimes, it is all about our perception.  Sometimes, it isn’t about what is actually happening but how we perceive it.  Our perception is our reality.  And then, how we react.

The truth is we have the ability to change our perception and create a new reality.  We are moms, yes.  We have hard days, yes.  School is over and we have to deal with changes, yes.  But, we have the ability to make it all count and see it all in a positive light.  I’m seeing it. 

My dad just said to me today, “your thoughts become your actions.”  We were talking about behavioral patterns.  This is something we have all heard in our lives.  It is the truth.  Behavioral patters start with our thoughts.  Our thoughts create our actions.  He took it from a quote by Lao Tzu.  He wrote: “Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habit. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.”

If we have negative thoughts, we will in turn, act negatively.  If we continue on this path of negativity, we will become negative people.  If we think it, we will become it.   I know it sounds simple, but it is hard to do.  It has to be consistent.  We have to continuously keep our head above water and see the beauty of the day.   And on those rainy days, we have to try and find the sunshine within.  And if we think good thoughts, good things will happen.  Like yesterday when my kids played all day together without fighting.  They were working off me.  I know they were.  And I was smiling.  And so were they.

So, I guess what I’m trying to say is that if you find yourself barreling down a negative path, flip the switch.  Make a change.  Look at something positive.  We are all moms.  We are all in this together.  It isn’t always easy, that is for sure.  But, we are all playing the same game, trying to do it with the best intentions.  So, we keep going.  And if we can perceive our paths in the best light, I know we can make the best plays.  In the end, the people who will benefit the most from it are you and your family.

Have a happy, healthy and safe 4^th of July.